It’s more than reasonable to have so much going on in a time of change and loss. Absolutely.
AND… There are also moments to catch, savor, and breathe in. As in, you can have moments where you can deeply and calmly Breathe IN… And then exhale, of course. These aren’t unicorn moments, though many people think that they are… Nope. These aren’t rare, mythical, or even fictitious. They can be a part of the journey… when and if you choose to make them a part of your journey. It’s possible that a little part of your brain is telling you that you are trapped and going to feel incomplete or bereft indefinitely. That part of your brain may even be saying one of the F-words… Forever. And it’s definitely painful to experience this thinking, plus the emotions that stem from it. This is healthy, human brain-thinking. There’s nothing wrong with you or bad, other than what you’re already feeling is already hard, uncomfortable, and unfamiliar. Here’s the thing… your brain won’t ever run out of challenging or painful thoughts. What you can do is take a break from those thoughts and be on the lookout for other moments during a season of loss. They are there. Giving yourself a chance to look for them allows you to see, feel, and savor them. You have a say. You get to take breaks. And you are wholly capable of identifying and choosing a few feelings you’d prefer to feel, and then giving yourself a chance to genuinely feel them. Without guilt or overwhelm… and without spacklin toxic positivity over already hard feelings. This may feel confronting, the prospect of feeling something different or even something good. If you’re drawing a blank on how you’d like to feel, that's okay. Consider trying these on and seeing where they take you. Call in and activate these feelings with the words “I feel”... I feel… Calm. Grounded. Protected. Peaceful And it’s okay if you don’t FULLY, 100%, FULL BODY FEEEEEL Peaceful… Just try… for a moment… and notice…even 10% peaceful can feel better than no-percent peaceful. I wish someone had told me about this… it would’ve saved me so much time and pain. One thing that will help you move through a painful season a little more quickly is getting specific. Listen. This is not about toxic positivity or wishful thinking. This is about specific experiences you want to have and know are possible, even if you don’t know how it’ll happen. Specifics are what the mind can work with… they can be compelling, evocative, and feelings surface when we think and create sense-based specifics. What will I experience with my senses? Not just at the end of this journey, but also along the way? Notice I am not asking “What will make it better?” Many times people think that outside circumstances or people will “make them” feel better. This is not the case. Having a new job or a new love interest will continue to keep you dependent on what happens outside of you to “make you” happy, content, secure. That’s not what I offer or work through. I work with what’s inside of you so no matter what happens (or doesn’t) you navigate well and are grounded and secure in your own experience and desire. Here are a few examples that my Private Clients have experienced:
* Are there any prompts here that don’t feel possible? This is important to notice… and ask why… So. Why? * Or are you in a place where you want to believe they are possible? Also important to notice… And… Why? * Which are you willing to work through to experience? Here's My Invitation to You I wish someone had shared this with me when I was in my deepest & darkest… I got through to the other side, but it took a long time, and I fumbled around quite a lot in the 2-steps forward, 2-3 steps back dance. It was more painful and took longer than what I offer with my Private Clients now. So, don’t take my word for this… practice a few specifics and try them on. How does it feel for your own dear self? And how long would you like to spend “figuring it out” for yourself? Connect with me for gentle, guided, results-based support that will avoid unnecessary pitfalls, distractions, and repeated events & relationships. Making the initial appointment starts your transformation and healing… in a big way. Our healthy, human brains get scared when change and transformation are real possibilities. If you’ve got a sense that you’d like to explore heart healing to relieve pressure, sadness, old hurts, and resentments, a voice inside your mind may get loud. Familiar tactics of a scared brain can include: chiding, scolding, judging, cajoling, bullying. It may tell you that you’re fine and you don’t need to, or distract you with food, drink, video games, etc… Is this familiar at all? This is a part of your mind that is constantly scanning for threats… and change of any kind. Even healing change can feel dangerous to that part of our human minds. This is the wiring… this is the package we have to work with. And… A scared brain is like a startled horse Let’s imagine you’ve got a horse in a halter, and you have the lead rope in your hand... when your horse gets scared or startled, it may rear, or resist (shy)… this is a-okay. This is a natural response. If you were leading a horse and he got startled, what would you do? You’d give it some space to rear and have his energetic response/release… then you’d gently lead him to your destination. A stall, a trailer, the meadow, an arena, wherever.
Beyond “We Can Do Hard Things.”
The more you understand your instrument… your body, mind, heart, and energy… the more you can work with yourself… not against yourself. Burning up energy, flopping back and forth in your decisions, or chasing thought loops round and round without making the progress you really want to. You definitely do… you also have a human brain that can startle easily. The key is gentleness and working with your dear self. Little by little… momentum comes quick, and it builds. This can be true for you. 100% Stress, as a term, is often noted or even valued in our society. It alludes to doing or to something happening in life. Some of those things could hold grief. Let’s look at a few examples.
It is stressful to experience marital separation. I don’t think anyone is gonna argue that… but what’ isn’t noted is that the relationship is strained, in trouble, or changing/changed… so, there is a big ol’ chance that grief and loss are here too. A major business readjustment brings stress. For sure. And… in light of recent layoffs happening throughout the country… grief is here too. There are people experiencing their first layoffs from their first-ever jobs right now. Even when a layoff has nothing to do with a person’s performance, feelings of shame, hurt, resentment, and bitterness can come up. Totally. Disappointments, changes that bring uncertainty, less-than optimal new protocols being rolled out with some rocky transitions… anyone? Disruptions to a regular routine can bring about feelings of loss and many times a decreased capacity for concentration or focus as a very natural symptom of grief and loss. One More If a loved one experiences a major personal injury or illness, it can definitely bring about new and significant stress levels. For sure. This can change aspects of a relationship temporarily, or permanently, in some cases. Also true if someone experiences an injury or illness themselves. Let’s say someone is in a terrible car accident and they have a spinal injury as a result. This person has stress, yes. And also physical trauma, absolutely. What else? They may also have grief over how their body may not be functioning the same way anymore. The future they envisioned is now not possible or not likely… This can be devastating… and can really affect a person’s sense of identity as well. And it can feel like loss. So if you - or someone you love - is noting or noticing lots of stress… I’d love for you to open yourself to the possibility that grief may also be present… and perhaps a little bit hidden. This happens. It’s nothing to judge, and it’s probably not conscious in the middle of change… but it may be present… and it will help to be aware of it. Thinking of you, Wendy
Signing up now is easy and a great way to try on new methods of support (GI already includes)
Take what you like, your personal pace is welcomed and respected. There is no need to share with the group, even the Zoom calls can still be pretty private if you prefer. You are welcome to share, but you will never be “called on” to share. From the Back Burner to Front Burner - for a bit If it’s been really tough to put your own self care in the forefront, support can help in this arena too. We spend a few minutes at a time… with low-to-no learning curve tools and tech: email, paper, pen, text, Facebook Group. A few minutes can really give you new results and new momentum… plus, pen-to-paper writing can shift some serious thought loops, minimize ruminating, and bring perspective and clarity more quickly. This is a powerful way to practice receiving as well. How? Well, you’ll be prioritizing a bit more time and care for yourself… you’ll be spending a few more minutes with yourself to get out of your head, with support, prompts, and the good company of our group. No shame, only support. A little at a time. I’d love for you to say YES to yourself and I’d love for you to join me next week. Check out Going Inside and sign up for Freebie Week now. If you’ve opened this message, thank you. Allow me to s’plain… Real quick… Generally, 50% of life, life events, relationships, careers, anything can be considered at about 50% positive, 50% of the time. This can include big, high feelings of joy, exhilaration, delight, amazed, and can also include amused, content, calm, peace. What’s left? The other 50%. Uh oh. No funs. They can be the low-lows such as devastation, sorrow, fury, bitterness, or how about boiling resentment… and they can also include annoyed, irritated, sometimes bored, or mildly disappointed. You now know this. Ta-DA! Now that you know that life is 50/50, you can better expect it. What we can also dig further into is… how it’s possible to better manage thoughts and feelings… proactively. If you’ve been with me for a bit, you already know I’m talking about thoughts and feelings, every Facebook visit, each weekly email visit like this one, and every podcast episode too. I wish someone had shared this with me when I was about 6. At that time, the going line was “Life isn’t fair.” But I didn’t know what to do with that other than sulk, pout, and then suck it up… I didn’t have much to work with at 6, but now that I know it at 53, I understand way more about choices and feelings. And I know that our brains are also structured, wired, and groooooved with neural pathways that are constantly seeking threats and danger. This is why healing our hearts is such work. We have the healthy human brains that we have.
For this week, try to notice how life is 50/50… you might be amazed at what comes forward. Everyday is different. #understatement #amiright I want you to 1. Know about and 2. Consider adopting Your own version of a Low Energy List. What is that? Essentially, it’s pre-thinking for your future self who may not have the energy, drive, or enthusiasm you do on a more-regular day. This is a helpful little list of small tasks or ideas for Future-YOU who may be sick, who’s been blindsided by lots of feelings, or who is experiencing some low-grade resistance when “nothing sounds good”. Here are a few of mine:
There’s also a For Business version of this list. Yup. And I use that one too. Feeling better can feel like its own job. Having a little list of pre-thought-out options is a gift. Plus, if you can allow yourself to look at it, and even do 1-2 things, you can create a little bit of momentum and shift some energy as well. Small things are enough on tough, sick, or low-energy days. I love the quote by Alexander Woollcott: “There’s no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.” And. It’s really tough to remember this… or even feel this when you’re operating inside a season of grief or heartbreak. It might even feel annoying, this quote. I hear clients share that they are scared or mad that “life is passing them by”... Definitely understand the feeling and empathize… it can be so baffling to not know how to disengage and allow for even a few minutes to feel something else. Something less charged. A feeling that is calmer, more peaceful… I’ve even wished for feeling less intense… I think I’ve prayed to feel “more neutral” about many losses… just so I could feel like I could have a break. The thing is, It’s time that goes by, impersonally and no matter what…
This is a real path. In your real life.
Even the painful moments are part of each important day. For those who are ready to step onto the path of more intentional healing, more specific support around reclaiming a sense of aliveness, this is your invitation to reach out directly and schedule your free Connection Call with me now. This next year is about…
This whole new year is going to include a lot of info and details about mind management, feelings, getting quiet, being with yourself, and writing. I’ll also be sharing and talking about my new program: Going Inside. Consent, Informed Decisions, and Management Since we’re off to a new start these first few days inside of 2023, I want you to see where I’m going. This way, you have full knowledge - and you get to choose - whether or not you’d like to stay on in receiving these weekly visits. Your answers, for your own dear self, are inside of you. Always. Period. Your consent is key. And I get it that you need info about what’s coming in order to make informed decisions. Whether it’s a purchase, or whether it’s a free content bit… Informed choice and consent is also about management too. You’re always invited. I’d love for you to stay on and be in my space. And, if you’re not feeling it, based on what I’ve mentioned is coming, make it an empowered Unsubscribe! Feel awesome about it! - I only have love and hope for you - and maybe we hang out in different spaces together in future. For fun. And for a full life. For those who are ON and staying tuned for these weekly visits: HURRRRAYYYYY! Happy New Year!!! And, buckle up. 🙌Let’s do this thing! 🙌 I was just working with someone who feels an intense need to “figure out why it’s so painful”. This is tough. But it’s also important to tell some more truth around this line of thinking. And similar to a brain wanting to “figure out” overeating, over-drinking, or over-spending, it’s scared and stalling. It’s not wrong or bad to do this… it’s a coping mechanism because it feels so real, the need to figure out…buy time… determine… but days are going by without the critical do-ing… or the critical feeling, is a better way to say it.
Figuring out won’t release emotional pain. Won’t unpack what’s inside the body and the heart. Will not help lighten a heart. Feeling the feelings will. I urge you to reconsider your willingness to stay in the familiar discomfort and sorrow. Even for a few moments at a time each day. Ask yourself, “Am I willing to try something utterly new and unknown, like feeling this… without having to figure it out?” I’m eager to know what comes up… and am here with support. At the ready, with real tools. Here for you. |
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