 Search for Heart Healing from Loss on Amazon…
or, click this link: https://a.co/d/bORHWca for the eBook version. The cover looks like this: This book will be available November 2… or earlier. Pre-orders will be charged and delivered on that day - or earlier. At this one moment, eBook (Kindle) copies are available for pre-order. Backstage Pass There will be a paperback and hardcover versions available asap. The manuscript is in proofing and will go to formatting, stat. Yes, I’ve been working on this project all year. And I haven’t been doing it alone. I’ve engaged excellent additional writing support, cover design expertise, and proofreading power. This is the best book it can be… with the best support I can share. One of my favorite parts? Simple, meaningful (optional) responses to the baffling, excruciating, and often-daunting questions
Options are offered in a bit of a list form so readers may copy, develop, or modify the support requests as is most useful to the individual and family. I haven’t seen this so spelled out in any other book about navigating loss. And I’ve read and scoured more than a few. So glad. So proud. My heart is full of excited anticipation. Pre-order the eBook now. Or wait for the paperback option - it’s coming! (in both regular and large print editions.)  *A note about the flying poo emoji image… sometimes it’s really just the most appropriate illustration to use when talking about loss and grief. More than once, in my own experience, life has felt like a “Sh**Show”.... Or, “PooStorm” if that works. No offense meant. Only real, connective care. And, okay, maybe a giggle. It’s not that you don’t want to feel better… not by a long shot. Like many… well, actually most, you may not know where to begin. This was me too. For a long time, I pushed off the “feelings thing” until I couldn’t anymore. One more thing would happen, and I’d shuffle it over or stuff it inside, and double-down on work, a new nutrition program, cleaning behind the fridge and stove. Anything but the emotions. I was overwhelmed and full-body resistant to the prospect. And then one more thing happened. It was a traumatic event… the one I’ve talked about mannnny times in my podcast… and I felt like I had no choice but to get support in order to:
I felt ill-equipped and inadequate for weeks. I was afraid I couldn’t handle anything that life might have thrown at me next. I was bargaining with life itself and making demands (e.g. Okay, don’t DO anything else to me, You better not make anything happen right now… I just can’t handle it.). I bargained, while fully knowing, that’s not how life works. Then what happened? My life got really small. I was really scared. And I felt hurt. All the time. The biggest, bravest babystep The biggest, bravest babystep was when I reached out for support… at my most fearful, most hurt. From my tiniest life. I felt like I was at a complete loss… and I was afraid of losing, risking more… and here’s the thing… I also didn’t feel like I had anything else to lose. I wanted:
I pieced a lot of different supports together to get through. And I did get through that scary shadow season. Now I offer the support I needed. I can walk through scary feelings knowing that I’ve got me. Again and again. Because this human is wired for thoughts and feelings, always have been, always will be. Now I work with myself. And not against myself. This is possible for you as well. It’s not too late. It’s not too awful. It doesn’t have to “take forever”... and, if you’ve been resisting feeling your feelings for awhile, I can tell you - from my own experience and heart - you are equipped and capable. It’s time to learn how to work with yourself… not against yourself.  Big thanks to Gretchen Hernandez for sharing so generously!
If abandonment or rejection are repetitive themes in your mind and/or relationships, connect with me. Also, if guilt, shame, blame, resentment, or painful yearning are taking up large parts of your world and heart right now. Reach out. ⭐ Schedule your free call now ⭐We'll talk about Private Emergence Support for grief, loss, & shadow seasons: https://calendly.com/wendy-sloneker/45minconnectioncall
Now, I’m not here to hurry anyone or anything… so this is not about to be a pitch… this is about to be a perspective:
These buds, perfectly growing in their own time and process, were doing just what they needed to do. Before & Afters And they sparked a new awareness about Before & After photos. You know the ones… the before is pre-transformation. The after is “the big reveal” after “the glow up”. But honestly, every moment… and every single picture, for that matter…. Every moment is a before. It’s also a during. And it’s an after too. We forget this. And it’s okay to forget it. It can be so liberating to take the pressure off and consider - or remember - that every moment is somehow a Before, a During, and an After. Connect with me for Private 1x1 Emergence Coaching Support. Or, refer me to your beloved ones who are struggling. All are welcome and appreciated.  “Figuring it out”... it’s one of our civilization’s faaaavorite statements right now. I’ve heard it in corporate meetings, recovery rooms, private client sessions, and outta my own mouth.
If it’s not living life, right here, right now… what is it? It’s a fantasy for control. A projection. A distraction for an external mirage of “here’s how it needs to be”… or else…. And “because I said so”. Or else, what? No happiness. No safety, inside or out. Nope. All demand. No return. Why? There’s no room for actual life, living, or being. Or anybody else. So, no connection or belonging, inside or out, either. It’s a totally effective way to push off solutions and results. If you push off the moments where going inside and engaging with your dear, albeit shadowy, self, you prolong the time it takes to gain the desires and actual life you tell yourself you long for so deeply. Ache for. Yearn for. And continue to desire… because “figuring it out’.... (Here comes another classic)… “will happen later.” But does it? After all, “figuring it out” rarely means that you’re actually stopping now to do any of the figuring out in the moment. It’s a put off… and a clever one… based in fear. By an ancient part of your healthy human brain that, perhaps subconsciously, nudges you that “This desire is feeling very scary, and let’s buy ourselves some time… some indefinite time” Figuring it out actually gives in to natural resistance. It is a rationalization that buys you the time you tell yourself you need in order to cushion your awareness away from your honest truth, feelings, & desires. In shorter terms… it’s an excuse, usually a subconscious one, due to fear of the new, changing, and unfamiliar. After all, even the great stuff we say we desire is still outside of our comfort zones. Beloved Friend, stay with me… this is neither a problem or an accusation. These are my findings… based on my own life experience… including the many times and ways I told myself …”I just need to figure it out.” What about…? Boundaries. Preferences. Agreements. Pacts. Contracts. Yes, I’m fully game for all of these… plus, a couple more of life’s little lubricants… Grace, Flow, Observance, Self Awareness… Laughter….& the interconnection of our humanity as sometimes baffling, clumsy, ugly, awkward….& still valuable & beautiful. Try this on instead We don’t need to “figure it out”... even if it feels so true, so scary, so real. We actually can’t figure it out… if we could, we would have done it by now. Life as we know and live and yearn for it cannot happen in our mind or brains. And figuring is something we only do in our minds. Figuring isn’t something we can practice in our bodies, spirits, souls, emotions… we only do any figuring, or figuring out, in our minds. Life, living, and experiencing a sense of aliveness does not - and cannot - happen in our brains. Life happens in our wholeness & our presence. It happens in our wholeness… in our presence… it happens in moments when we are inhabiting our body… when we are the embodiment of life itself and aware of ourselves, senses, and others too. When we take life in… and when we stay with ourselves. It happens in moments. You can feel uncomfortable, nervous, unsure, vulnerable, and even scared… and it will count. You don’t need more time. You don’t need to “figure it out”. Perhaps more aliveness will get you further, faster. It does for me. It's your move, Beloved Friend. Schedule your free Connection Call and let’s talk about your aliveness, care, attention, and growth through this season with private coaching support. https://calendly.com/wendy-sloneker/45minconnectioncall  Oh dear goodness, I’m absolutely on the other side of my first-ever ‘bout of COVID.
Yep. It’s taken me nearly 3 years to contract it… but when I did, it was, in fact, a whopper. I’ve been out flat for 3 weeks and am gratefully crawling back into my body… and actually, it feels like I’m crawling back into my life. One thing to normalize here… Whether you’re coming out of a long, nasty illness… A shadow season, a big chapter of changes, and/or the death of a loved one… Or, if you’re caring for a loved one as they walk their path toward the end of this incarnation (meaning, their own death, and your role is a witness or care partner). Hey, it’s absolutely natural to feel like you don’t know where you’ve been for a bit. I’ve actually been thinking, wondering, and in some moments, searching for my own life… as in, “where did I leave off?” And, equally as important, “where do I pick back up?” Time can get real strange when you’re healing, journeying, and coming back into wellness. It is for me. Right now. One other thing… There’s a part of my brain that is pushing me to “hurry up already”... Even though I’m not quite back to 100%. (At this moment, 85% for me, feels miraculous and like enough.) Taking stock, noticing, looking around for what is next… these are options. Rest is still an option. Because although there’s a part of my brain urging me back into doing all the things… really living isn’t about DOING all the things. It’s about BEING all of the me. And I get to remind myself, that even before I contracted COVID 19, Not every single thing I was doing was working for me. I get to be more selective about what I take back up, start again, or pour my energy into. Perhaps one or two of the things I was doing don’t need to come back to life right now. This is okay. So, I’m evaluating what I can actually & joyfully accomplish. Or even peacefully, and contentedly accomplish… or explore. I may not have all the energy for JOYFUL… but manageable, present, and contented? I’m in for all of those. The pressure gets to be off - and stay off. No need to push, strive, over-effort, or hurry. This is always an option. PS - Let’s Plan on Spending September 22 together It’s actually the Autumnal Equinox… and I’ve got a collaboration with a friend & fantastic Breakthrough Business Coach, Sarah Stokes, of Juicy Good Life. So much happens in our for seasons each year… part of these quarterly events serve as acknowledgement and celebration of time passing and life happening. I give you… the Equinox Evolution… it’s got a special program coming together and you’re going to L-O-V-E it. Grief & emotion shifting? Yes, that’s part of it. And there’s plenty more that is still coming together. So, Save the date - you are invited. PPS - Did you get your copy of Positive Affirmations & enCOURAGEments Word Search? Destress, relieve, and relax your busy brain with these quick & fun puzzles. Large print. Easy, supportive, and super-unique gifts for those also struggling with loss or change. PPPS - More of these word search books are comin’… real, real soon, y’all!! YAY!  “I Quit Struggling, and Acted.”
This sentence stuck out to me… and made me think of you. Terry Mancour wrote it. (And it’s located in Book 5 of the Spellmonger Series… it’s called High Mage). And I’m re-listening to it with great delight and joy while walking my dog in the cool summer mornings here in West Seattle. “I quit struggling, and acted.” The protagonist, Minalan, shares this, observes this, while he is drowning in a suit of armor. That’s about all I’m going to tell you about the story, other than this scene happens early on in the series and he’s the main dude… so there’s more of Minalan to come. Thinking of you Many of my clients express early on, or even in consults, that they feel like they are experiencing a sense of drowning in their grief and struggles. No need to judge or analyze or feel bad about this… it already feels bad enough. Having this sense of drowning, or stuckness, or continual struggle is a 100% natural response to loss of any kind… whether a death has occured or not. And there comes a time when you realize how much you have been struggling. And how that struggle to avoid, deny, and outrun has not actually been grieving. The struggle, perhaps, has been more resistance to grieving and feeling… trying to outrun the feelings. Deny them. Avoid them. Struggle with the idea of even having them. Struggle also includes fearing the feelings, fearing loss and grief feelings. It makes complete sense. And, it’s exhausting. There’s still value in the struggle. Hey. I’m not here to badmouth the struggle… at all. It’s part coping mechanism and part cocoon. This kind of struggle helps you progress & arrive into a new place in your path. When you realize how the struggle has not been the grieving process, it means you’re ready for new options toward heart healing. You’ve progressed into new awareness and are ready for more. It’s the struggle that got you here… and ready… for more. “I quit struggling, and acted.” When you are ready to quit struggling and act, I hope that you’ll count yourself IN and work with me. The action? Emailing me to set up our call together. It’s time for more support now. Not less. And… this is not the destination. Your timing is so good! I am accepting and welcoming my next few private support clients right now. Connect with me and let’s schedule a call together. Now is right on time for more intentional and gentle heart healing from loss. PS - Save the Date! September 22 There’s a day coming… a few weeks after PSL Season begins… (That’s right, Pumpkin Spice Latte Season - LOL) It’s actually the Autumnal Equinox… 9/22… lands on a Friday this year. Let’s celebrate the change of season together. Save the date - you = invited. PPS - Did you get your copy of Positive Affirmations & enCOURAGEments Word Search? Destress, relieve, and relax your busy brain with these quick & fun puzzles. Large print. Easy, supportive, and super-unique gifts for those also struggling with loss or change. PPPS - More of these word search books are comin’… real, real soon, y’all!! YAY!  In Star Trek lore, the life support system is something that is treasured, appreciated, and respected....other resources are pulled for aiding and assisting new civilizations out there, in that “final frontier”, before they are tapped from life support.
The habit at hand and heart What would happen if they "just did it" and pulled from life support? Instead of training their ensigns? Instead of requesting support and collaboration? Uh oh I think, personally, there would be far more Crewman 6's. Far more. And that would be a complete waste... of time, effort, energy, attention, and care. Life support would ultimately drain... and that could, because I'm no expert, it could take a toll on other systems in the overall ship. See where I'm going here? I'm definitely wondering where I have been giving from my core life support system. And I've been seeking out other systems that are available for this - my - human, physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, energetic "ship"... which could be called a Being, here on this planet. I've got one for us. Just in case you have been draining your own life support system, unintentionally or not. There's a system called Overflow. You’ll know pretty quickly how “full” it is, or whether it’s run completely dry. It can also be known as our Wisdom System. No matter how you identify it, this very system was designed to be shared from. Leaving your own dear Life Support intact, full, and lush… and available for replenishment and more. Always more. Learning to share from our Wisdom / Overflow Systems is about noticing. Awareness. Curiosity. It’s most assuredly not about self-shaming, self-blaming, or self-bullying… it’s all about welcoming in new options. And it feels like spaciousness. Not like you’re trapped with your proverbial “back against a wall”, as a client mentioned this morning. It’s learnable. It’s quiet, possible, easy, and available to precisely YOU. If you’ve made it to the end of this message, you also have enough time to learn this skill long term… big concepts and possibilities in little moments. In a space of delightful, welcoming, and nurturing support. Yes, even about grief, loss, and shadow seasons. Connect with me more directly for new forms of support or sign up for my Going Inside program… this is where we actively, and semi-privately (meaning, in a small group), overhaul and replenish your life support system from the inside out. Up to you now…. If it’s in your pleasure, “Make it so.” IYKYK - 😀 Thinking of you - Wendy PS - I am unaffiliated with the Star Trek franchise. PPS - AND I do fricking love it all.  Midsummer and for me it seems like days are both long and short.
I personally prefer days that feel spacious, without feeling too long or too short. The baby-bear-of-Goldilocks-and-the-3-bears, if you will. Juuuuuust right. So when I was thinking about time going by fast, or not… it made me wonder whether or not that was a useful question. This is what came up: Long or short, fast or slow, what do you want to DO with it? If you’re not doing what you want with your time, do you like your reasons? Sometimes I do. Frequently, I don’t. So I opt-in for gentle change and steady next steps… even if they are baby steps. They still count. They always count. I really want you to know this… because for a long time (years!... decades?) I didn’t know. Had no idea I could count small progress as success. No idea that every effort could count… and once I knew, it took me awhile to slow my mind - not necessarily my actions - but my mind… so I could then begin to give myself some credit. Thank you for reading… I’d love to connect if you’re interested in more about Thoughts & Feelings Management… & Going Inside. Friend! Let’s Prep for Fall Fun 🙂 Planting Seeds here for Harvest Season! Sure, bring your PSL! (pumpkin spice latte) We will be connecting and honoring the change of season September 22 with a day-ish long retreat via Zoom, yes! If you are local to Eau Claire, WI, you would be most welcome to join in person and live with Breakthrough Business Coach, Sarah Stokes, of The Juicy Good Life. Let this reminder and invitation help your (near) future self take a little time to mark the changes from the summer and help you to restore and reset as we move into the next season. Fall, 2023. HeckYEAH! Save the Date! September 22  Have you heard of the concept of green-light fear vs red-light fear? I heard this a couple of weeks ago from my coach, Serena Hicks.
And the basics are: Green-light fear is a sensation in your body and mind that spark excitement, trepidation, apprehension, and perhaps even some sweat and butterflies. Green-light fear can come up when we humans are facing change, considering conscious navigation of loss/es, obstacles, growth, and/or challenges… even dreams. This form of fear can feel like a kind of death… even a form of ego death… or, a type of surrender to make room for new good, and new life. Even though it may feel like a kind of death, there’s still lots and loads of life to be lived through it. Red-light fear? Well, that’s where we’re talking about actual danger. Risk and potential or real mortal peril. Full stop. The end. I’m not here to bad-mouth red-light fear. Not at all. Red-light fear is a real and useful tool when lives are at stake. Personal development is not part of red-light fear for me or for my clients. Normalizing Green-Light Fear AND… when it comes to growth, emergence, and a little bit of new life… I’m always talking about green-light fear. It’s not wrong that you’ve got sensations in your body… those are part of our sense of aliveness. Needed. Useful. Maybe not always comfortable, but useful signals for you to catch and interpret. It’s not even “wrong” if you’ve got ideas and dreams that just won’t go away, even though there’s apprehension about taking next steps…. Even if you’ve talked yourself out of taking your ideas and dreams seriously… if those notions and desires are still there, it’s not too late. Green-light fear is ultimately about living and aliveness. Going Inside your own dear self to discover more, learn and explore… and to, yes, bring in new life and new understanding. Red-light fear is about discernment of safety, and your actual life-or-death in high-stakes moments. These are actually more on the rare–side than they were decades ago. Connect with me about getting started in the Going Inside membership. Your space for semi-private self-development where you are connected and protected …as you learn to give yourself your own green lights. PS: Friend! Let’s Prep for Fall Fun 🙂 Planting Seeds here for Harvest Season! Remember when I told you about the Solstice Shift event I co-created with Breakthrough Business Coach, Sarah Stokes? IT WAS SO FUN, and SO GOOD… That we decided to offer another - likely quarterly - event Autumnal Evolution… and you, dear friend, are 100% INvited. Save the Date! September 22  It's not always easy to determine the next step, or the next right thing.
Especially if your self-talk (or inner voice) is clamoring… “It’s not enough” “You’re not enough” “Don’t bother, it won’t be right” Or… “Forget it, it’ll be useless” All futile. All hopeless. Not motivating, inspiring… and definitely not leading to openness or the kind of momentum that feels fun. No. That “momentum” feels like a spiraling drain down the cosmic toilet. WHOA. Here’s the thing… that thinking is largely about “getting done”... arriving at the destination and being finished with whatever is in front of you…
There are options. And… this is new. Your brain may not like it, love it, or accept the suggested course corrections below… So, I’ll ask that you register how your brain responds … AND THEN seek out how other parts of your body feel… the gut, your heart, your solar plexus… and then consider how you would like to (and will choose to) proceed. There’s more wisdom in and around you to consider… it doesn’t ALL have to come from a pushy and demanding inner voice. Suggested course correction, with practice thoughts:
Training the inner voice is a lot like training a brand new puppy. There’s resistance and immaturity and there are even some tantrums. This is reasonable. And… there is still learning to be … learned. Options! Variations! New approaches! This is exciting… and challenging… and partof life’s work… If we want to feel better, more peaceful, and more alive, anyway. And… it’s really, really challenging to train an inner voice to opt for care, gentleness, and compassion all alone. I failed many times trying to do it alone, and believing my crushing first thoughts… which always sounded like yelling, and always pointed to my insecurities, weaknesses, and fears. I got support and education and practice. I still get support and education and practice. I share it now too. Join me in the Going Inside portal and let’s give that brand new puppy - your inner voice - some structure and some better behaviors and choices. Training the inner voice is exactly what happens in my hybrid group-program Going Inside. Friend! Let’s Prep for Fall Fun 🙂 Planting Seeds here for Harvest Season! Save the Date! September 22 |
