 “Figuring it out”... it’s one of our civilization’s faaaavorite statements right now. I’ve heard it in corporate meetings, recovery rooms, private client sessions, and outta my own mouth.
If it’s not living life, right here, right now… what is it? It’s a fantasy for control. A projection. A distraction for an external mirage of “here’s how it needs to be”… or else…. And “because I said so”. Or else, what? No happiness. No safety, inside or out. Nope. All demand. No return. Why? There’s no room for actual life, living, or being. Or anybody else. So, no connection or belonging, inside or out, either. It’s a totally effective way to push off solutions and results. If you push off the moments where going inside and engaging with your dear, albeit shadowy, self, you prolong the time it takes to gain the desires and actual life you tell yourself you long for so deeply. Ache for. Yearn for. And continue to desire… because “figuring it out’.... (Here comes another classic)… “will happen later.” But does it? After all, “figuring it out” rarely means that you’re actually stopping now to do any of the figuring out in the moment. It’s a put off… and a clever one… based in fear. By an ancient part of your healthy human brain that, perhaps subconsciously, nudges you that “This desire is feeling very scary, and let’s buy ourselves some time… some indefinite time” Figuring it out actually gives in to natural resistance. It is a rationalization that buys you the time you tell yourself you need in order to cushion your awareness away from your honest truth, feelings, & desires. In shorter terms… it’s an excuse, usually a subconscious one, due to fear of the new, changing, and unfamiliar. After all, even the great stuff we say we desire is still outside of our comfort zones. Beloved Friend, stay with me… this is neither a problem or an accusation. These are my findings… based on my own life experience… including the many times and ways I told myself …”I just need to figure it out.” What about…? Boundaries. Preferences. Agreements. Pacts. Contracts. Yes, I’m fully game for all of these… plus, a couple more of life’s little lubricants… Grace, Flow, Observance, Self Awareness… Laughter….& the interconnection of our humanity as sometimes baffling, clumsy, ugly, awkward….& still valuable & beautiful. Try this on instead We don’t need to “figure it out”... even if it feels so true, so scary, so real. We actually can’t figure it out… if we could, we would have done it by now. Life as we know and live and yearn for it cannot happen in our mind or brains. And figuring is something we only do in our minds. Figuring isn’t something we can practice in our bodies, spirits, souls, emotions… we only do any figuring, or figuring out, in our minds. Life, living, and experiencing a sense of aliveness does not - and cannot - happen in our brains. Life happens in our wholeness & our presence. It happens in our wholeness… in our presence… it happens in moments when we are inhabiting our body… when we are the embodiment of life itself and aware of ourselves, senses, and others too. When we take life in… and when we stay with ourselves. It happens in moments. You can feel uncomfortable, nervous, unsure, vulnerable, and even scared… and it will count. You don’t need more time. You don’t need to “figure it out”. Perhaps more aliveness will get you further, faster. It does for me. It's your move, Beloved Friend. Schedule your free Connection Call and let’s talk about your aliveness, care, attention, and growth through this season with private coaching support. https://calendly.com/wendy-sloneker/45minconnectioncall  Oh dear goodness, I’m absolutely on the other side of my first-ever ‘bout of COVID.
Yep. It’s taken me nearly 3 years to contract it… but when I did, it was, in fact, a whopper. I’ve been out flat for 3 weeks and am gratefully crawling back into my body… and actually, it feels like I’m crawling back into my life. One thing to normalize here… Whether you’re coming out of a long, nasty illness… A shadow season, a big chapter of changes, and/or the death of a loved one… Or, if you’re caring for a loved one as they walk their path toward the end of this incarnation (meaning, their own death, and your role is a witness or care partner). Hey, it’s absolutely natural to feel like you don’t know where you’ve been for a bit. I’ve actually been thinking, wondering, and in some moments, searching for my own life… as in, “where did I leave off?” And, equally as important, “where do I pick back up?” Time can get real strange when you’re healing, journeying, and coming back into wellness. It is for me. Right now. One other thing… There’s a part of my brain that is pushing me to “hurry up already”... Even though I’m not quite back to 100%. (At this moment, 85% for me, feels miraculous and like enough.) Taking stock, noticing, looking around for what is next… these are options. Rest is still an option. Because although there’s a part of my brain urging me back into doing all the things… really living isn’t about DOING all the things. It’s about BEING all of the me. And I get to remind myself, that even before I contracted COVID 19, Not every single thing I was doing was working for me. I get to be more selective about what I take back up, start again, or pour my energy into. Perhaps one or two of the things I was doing don’t need to come back to life right now. This is okay. So, I’m evaluating what I can actually & joyfully accomplish. Or even peacefully, and contentedly accomplish… or explore. I may not have all the energy for JOYFUL… but manageable, present, and contented? I’m in for all of those. The pressure gets to be off - and stay off. No need to push, strive, over-effort, or hurry. This is always an option. PS - Let’s Plan on Spending September 22 together It’s actually the Autumnal Equinox… and I’ve got a collaboration with a friend & fantastic Breakthrough Business Coach, Sarah Stokes, of Juicy Good Life. So much happens in our for seasons each year… part of these quarterly events serve as acknowledgement and celebration of time passing and life happening. I give you… the Equinox Evolution… it’s got a special program coming together and you’re going to L-O-V-E it. Grief & emotion shifting? Yes, that’s part of it. And there’s plenty more that is still coming together. So, Save the date - you are invited. PPS - Did you get your copy of Positive Affirmations & enCOURAGEments Word Search? Destress, relieve, and relax your busy brain with these quick & fun puzzles. Large print. Easy, supportive, and super-unique gifts for those also struggling with loss or change. PPPS - More of these word search books are comin’… real, real soon, y’all!! YAY!  “I Quit Struggling, and Acted.”
This sentence stuck out to me… and made me think of you. Terry Mancour wrote it. (And it’s located in Book 5 of the Spellmonger Series… it’s called High Mage). And I’m re-listening to it with great delight and joy while walking my dog in the cool summer mornings here in West Seattle. “I quit struggling, and acted.” The protagonist, Minalan, shares this, observes this, while he is drowning in a suit of armor. That’s about all I’m going to tell you about the story, other than this scene happens early on in the series and he’s the main dude… so there’s more of Minalan to come. Thinking of you Many of my clients express early on, or even in consults, that they feel like they are experiencing a sense of drowning in their grief and struggles. No need to judge or analyze or feel bad about this… it already feels bad enough. Having this sense of drowning, or stuckness, or continual struggle is a 100% natural response to loss of any kind… whether a death has occured or not. And there comes a time when you realize how much you have been struggling. And how that struggle to avoid, deny, and outrun has not actually been grieving. The struggle, perhaps, has been more resistance to grieving and feeling… trying to outrun the feelings. Deny them. Avoid them. Struggle with the idea of even having them. Struggle also includes fearing the feelings, fearing loss and grief feelings. It makes complete sense. And, it’s exhausting. There’s still value in the struggle. Hey. I’m not here to badmouth the struggle… at all. It’s part coping mechanism and part cocoon. This kind of struggle helps you progress & arrive into a new place in your path. When you realize how the struggle has not been the grieving process, it means you’re ready for new options toward heart healing. You’ve progressed into new awareness and are ready for more. It’s the struggle that got you here… and ready… for more. “I quit struggling, and acted.” When you are ready to quit struggling and act, I hope that you’ll count yourself IN and work with me. The action? Emailing me to set up our call together. It’s time for more support now. Not less. And… this is not the destination. Your timing is so good! I am accepting and welcoming my next few private support clients right now. Connect with me and let’s schedule a call together. Now is right on time for more intentional and gentle heart healing from loss. PS - Save the Date! September 22 There’s a day coming… a few weeks after PSL Season begins… (That’s right, Pumpkin Spice Latte Season - LOL) It’s actually the Autumnal Equinox… 9/22… lands on a Friday this year. Let’s celebrate the change of season together. Save the date - you = invited. PPS - Did you get your copy of Positive Affirmations & enCOURAGEments Word Search? Destress, relieve, and relax your busy brain with these quick & fun puzzles. Large print. Easy, supportive, and super-unique gifts for those also struggling with loss or change. PPPS - More of these word search books are comin’… real, real soon, y’all!! YAY!  In Star Trek lore, the life support system is something that is treasured, appreciated, and respected....other resources are pulled for aiding and assisting new civilizations out there, in that “final frontier”, before they are tapped from life support.
The habit at hand and heart What would happen if they "just did it" and pulled from life support? Instead of training their ensigns? Instead of requesting support and collaboration? Uh oh I think, personally, there would be far more Crewman 6's. Far more. And that would be a complete waste... of time, effort, energy, attention, and care. Life support would ultimately drain... and that could, because I'm no expert, it could take a toll on other systems in the overall ship. See where I'm going here? I'm definitely wondering where I have been giving from my core life support system. And I've been seeking out other systems that are available for this - my - human, physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, energetic "ship"... which could be called a Being, here on this planet. I've got one for us. Just in case you have been draining your own life support system, unintentionally or not. There's a system called Overflow. You’ll know pretty quickly how “full” it is, or whether it’s run completely dry. It can also be known as our Wisdom System. No matter how you identify it, this very system was designed to be shared from. Leaving your own dear Life Support intact, full, and lush… and available for replenishment and more. Always more. Learning to share from our Wisdom / Overflow Systems is about noticing. Awareness. Curiosity. It’s most assuredly not about self-shaming, self-blaming, or self-bullying… it’s all about welcoming in new options. And it feels like spaciousness. Not like you’re trapped with your proverbial “back against a wall”, as a client mentioned this morning. It’s learnable. It’s quiet, possible, easy, and available to precisely YOU. If you’ve made it to the end of this message, you also have enough time to learn this skill long term… big concepts and possibilities in little moments. In a space of delightful, welcoming, and nurturing support. Yes, even about grief, loss, and shadow seasons. Connect with me more directly for new forms of support or sign up for my Going Inside program… this is where we actively, and semi-privately (meaning, in a small group), overhaul and replenish your life support system from the inside out. Up to you now…. If it’s in your pleasure, “Make it so.” IYKYK - 😀 Thinking of you - Wendy PS - I am unaffiliated with the Star Trek franchise. PPS - AND I do fricking love it all.  Midsummer and for me it seems like days are both long and short.
I personally prefer days that feel spacious, without feeling too long or too short. The baby-bear-of-Goldilocks-and-the-3-bears, if you will. Juuuuuust right. So when I was thinking about time going by fast, or not… it made me wonder whether or not that was a useful question. This is what came up: Long or short, fast or slow, what do you want to DO with it? If you’re not doing what you want with your time, do you like your reasons? Sometimes I do. Frequently, I don’t. So I opt-in for gentle change and steady next steps… even if they are baby steps. They still count. They always count. I really want you to know this… because for a long time (years!... decades?) I didn’t know. Had no idea I could count small progress as success. No idea that every effort could count… and once I knew, it took me awhile to slow my mind - not necessarily my actions - but my mind… so I could then begin to give myself some credit. Thank you for reading… I’d love to connect if you’re interested in more about Thoughts & Feelings Management… & Going Inside. Friend! Let’s Prep for Fall Fun 🙂 Planting Seeds here for Harvest Season! Sure, bring your PSL! (pumpkin spice latte) We will be connecting and honoring the change of season September 22 with a day-ish long retreat via Zoom, yes! If you are local to Eau Claire, WI, you would be most welcome to join in person and live with Breakthrough Business Coach, Sarah Stokes, of The Juicy Good Life. Let this reminder and invitation help your (near) future self take a little time to mark the changes from the summer and help you to restore and reset as we move into the next season. Fall, 2023. HeckYEAH! Save the Date! September 22  Have you heard of the concept of green-light fear vs red-light fear? I heard this a couple of weeks ago from my coach, Serena Hicks.
And the basics are: Green-light fear is a sensation in your body and mind that spark excitement, trepidation, apprehension, and perhaps even some sweat and butterflies. Green-light fear can come up when we humans are facing change, considering conscious navigation of loss/es, obstacles, growth, and/or challenges… even dreams. This form of fear can feel like a kind of death… even a form of ego death… or, a type of surrender to make room for new good, and new life. Even though it may feel like a kind of death, there’s still lots and loads of life to be lived through it. Red-light fear? Well, that’s where we’re talking about actual danger. Risk and potential or real mortal peril. Full stop. The end. I’m not here to bad-mouth red-light fear. Not at all. Red-light fear is a real and useful tool when lives are at stake. Personal development is not part of red-light fear for me or for my clients. Normalizing Green-Light Fear AND… when it comes to growth, emergence, and a little bit of new life… I’m always talking about green-light fear. It’s not wrong that you’ve got sensations in your body… those are part of our sense of aliveness. Needed. Useful. Maybe not always comfortable, but useful signals for you to catch and interpret. It’s not even “wrong” if you’ve got ideas and dreams that just won’t go away, even though there’s apprehension about taking next steps…. Even if you’ve talked yourself out of taking your ideas and dreams seriously… if those notions and desires are still there, it’s not too late. Green-light fear is ultimately about living and aliveness. Going Inside your own dear self to discover more, learn and explore… and to, yes, bring in new life and new understanding. Red-light fear is about discernment of safety, and your actual life-or-death in high-stakes moments. These are actually more on the rare–side than they were decades ago. Connect with me about getting started in the Going Inside membership. Your space for semi-private self-development where you are connected and protected …as you learn to give yourself your own green lights. PS: Friend! Let’s Prep for Fall Fun 🙂 Planting Seeds here for Harvest Season! Remember when I told you about the Solstice Shift event I co-created with Breakthrough Business Coach, Sarah Stokes? IT WAS SO FUN, and SO GOOD… That we decided to offer another - likely quarterly - event Autumnal Evolution… and you, dear friend, are 100% INvited. Save the Date! September 22  It's not always easy to determine the next step, or the next right thing.
Especially if your self-talk (or inner voice) is clamoring… “It’s not enough” “You’re not enough” “Don’t bother, it won’t be right” Or… “Forget it, it’ll be useless” All futile. All hopeless. Not motivating, inspiring… and definitely not leading to openness or the kind of momentum that feels fun. No. That “momentum” feels like a spiraling drain down the cosmic toilet. WHOA. Here’s the thing… that thinking is largely about “getting done”... arriving at the destination and being finished with whatever is in front of you…
There are options. And… this is new. Your brain may not like it, love it, or accept the suggested course corrections below… So, I’ll ask that you register how your brain responds … AND THEN seek out how other parts of your body feel… the gut, your heart, your solar plexus… and then consider how you would like to (and will choose to) proceed. There’s more wisdom in and around you to consider… it doesn’t ALL have to come from a pushy and demanding inner voice. Suggested course correction, with practice thoughts:
Training the inner voice is a lot like training a brand new puppy. There’s resistance and immaturity and there are even some tantrums. This is reasonable. And… there is still learning to be … learned. Options! Variations! New approaches! This is exciting… and challenging… and partof life’s work… If we want to feel better, more peaceful, and more alive, anyway. And… it’s really, really challenging to train an inner voice to opt for care, gentleness, and compassion all alone. I failed many times trying to do it alone, and believing my crushing first thoughts… which always sounded like yelling, and always pointed to my insecurities, weaknesses, and fears. I got support and education and practice. I still get support and education and practice. I share it now too. Join me in the Going Inside portal and let’s give that brand new puppy - your inner voice - some structure and some better behaviors and choices. Training the inner voice is exactly what happens in my hybrid group-program Going Inside. Friend! Let’s Prep for Fall Fun 🙂 Planting Seeds here for Harvest Season! Save the Date! September 22  Hellooooo and I hope it was a delightful Pride Weekend (it was just this past weekend here in Seattle).
Summer Support is still available, y’all… only because life continues to happen… 100% of the time. Yup, trips to the beach, day trips or long weekends, concerts, hikes, and BBQs... so fun! And.. so much extra work too… different groceries, packing, unpacking, communications with all sorts, pet care arrangements, work & managing days off… tons of additional details. SO MUCH (more) ACTIVITY happens right about soon… What else? Moves and changes also happen over summertimes. People sometimes pass and die in the summer... Relationships change or break… diagnoses are sometimes discovered over summers.... Feelings emerge as you notice kids are growing up. Big time. There is value and tenderness in swimming parties, new shoes, and around the campfires… seeing your kids in the summer’s glow. ALL of the emotions around previous summertime pains, changes, and flows may come forward to be acknowledged and honored. The body remembers... and yes, it does keep the score as well... This is real life and living... And it's never moved so fast before. It’s time for more support… not less If you think you don’t have time… in fact, if you’re convinced there’s no possible way to engage in more support for yourself… well, you may in fact need it more than most. With so much happening so quickly, I do encourage the idea that more support is actually NEEDED. –and I know this is exactly true for me too– Now is the exact time to act and opt-in for more of your own well being... to include your own dear self... and to receive that loving support too. HeckYEAH! SO you can ... 🥳Really BE at those BBQs to celebrate & relax… without missing a thing 😍 Absolutely BE more present with family members... no matter what is happening, or not happening 🥳Feel connected more easily and genuinely in any setting you choose to show up in… enjoy being pre-disposed to having a good time for yourself and with others 😎 Clearly and decidedly opt-out of anything you want with love and boundaries that honor and respect your own wishes 🤯Feel seen and heard by a professional coach as you feel, decide, and choose your own next right steps without having to take care of anyone else's feelings or ideas 🪨 Discover what it's like to BE and FEEL supported and cared for on days like Pride, and 4th of July, and also prep for the rest of the holidays of the year (if you desire) Did you know? Specific care, attention, and time receiving coaching support offloads challenging emotions, circumstances, and decisions with greater ease and efficiency so you actually GET MORE QUALITY SUMMER in your summer months. A little time each week will go a long way, friends. Zoom or phone so connecting is a breeze. With more support, you actually get more time for YOU to spend and enjoy and relax... in these next months and beyond. Summer Dreams Take a sec and consider the rest of your summer … What would you' love to experience?... Then, connect with me to make it happen. Setting yourself free is a worthy bucket list experience… I’d love to work with you on this. Complete the private coaching application … filling this out will start the transformation-ball rolling and feelings of support will actually start flowing… Fill it out now and see for yourself. I'm ready. I got you. Let's GO!  Setting yourself free is a worthy bucket list item.
Worthy, as in… YOU are worthy… of this and more. Period. Emergence can be experienced by any person moving through a transition, a challenge, a season, or into a new sense of self… some would call this a new sense of identity. Emergence did not feel fabulous when I came out. But it was necessary… and it was something I had to pay attention to. Meaning, I couldn’t stuff it, deny it, avoid it, or resist it. Was it inconvenient? For sure. And painful. And scary. And worth it. I felt so called (and called out) by Life… that I had to come out as a lesbian. This was true for me… I came out when I was 32. There have been mannnnny many stories of Emergence in my life. This is one. And it’s valuable. And it’s mine. If you’re moving through a tough transition… it’s okay if it doesn’t look like a glow up right now. This is a moment… and you deserve all of the love, care, and support that you want and need to get through to Emergence. It’s a beautiful thing…. Your entire path and your whole self are beautiful and valuable. I appreciate you and all of the courage it takes to continue moving forward, dear reader. Life is not easy. But wow, what a ride! Here’s to a delightful Pride Weekend… for any and all who celebrate (hug!) On going all in on your own dear self The feedback I get in my work is that people tend to feel better when they are around me… and that my coaching works. If you’d like to talk about private coaching with me, here’s how to get started… and I wholeheartedly invite you! Please complete a pre-consult application. Just filling it out will also change your life...it is powerful… #justsayin I'm ready... I got you... Let's GO!  In the United States, where I live, Father’s Day is coming up this weekend.
Whether your father, or father figure is a loved one, or a less-than-loved-one, this relationship may impact other relationships. The dynamic may actually influence many other relationships… personal, romantic, business, or with other elders in your life. Take a second and consider how that could be true for you. It makes sense When it comes to parental figures, (be they biological, adoptive, guardian, foster or otherwise) these are often some of the oldest relationships we have on the planet this time around. There are beliefs, ideas, and traditions that may have been part of your growing up may be serving you really well… or not. And some of what’s been taught to you may now be part of your unconscious mind. This was true for me around how I was taught to save money, and what to save it for, based on how my dad did it. What I didn’t take into account was this: We were never building the same things. And. We were never saving for the same things. I felt that I had to do it the same way he did it, based on how I was brought up, what he lovingly suggested, which was all based on his own experience… in his career, and long retirement. My work and career as a business owner, service provider, entrepreneur is radically different from anything he knows about work. The way money is stewarded and needed as an entrepreneur is also different from what my dad knows of work. His care and attention about dollars and retirement are completely about him and his experience… and rightly so. But I, with my creativity and independence and eagerness to do my own thing? It was never going to look like, behave like, or appear similar in most ways to what my dad has built or what he knows. With appreciation, when I understood this and saw it more plainly for my own self, I got to experience some relief from the pressure I applied to myself -for decades- since our paths, our affluence levels, and our results were very different… they were always going to be different… what changed was, I got to take myself off the hook for that simply being the case. I stopped making myself wrong for what I was creating… as though is was less valuable or incorrect, since it didn’t follow what he demonstrated or offered guidance toward. Valuing my own path, and how it looks and needs to work for me is actually more comfortable for me… it’s got it’s own learning curves, for sure… but I’ve got less judgement taking up my energy and this makes all the difference for me… and also for us. I can appreciate my dad’s path and what he’s created and how he knew how to care for all of us in my family of origin (FOO)... His experience is about him… and I can see that and appreciate him more easily and genuinely when I also give my own path the value and respect it deserves. It’s a process. And it’s totally possible. PS - Have you registered for the Solstice Shift Event? LOVE to have you join us for our first seasonal shift event… it’s an honoring and a reset… closing out one season, and opening up to the next… in flow. Register Now… The Virtual Solstice Shift Event happens on June 21 and there’s room for you!... https://the-juicy-good-life.mykajabi.com/solstice-shift-live-event Consider it a seasonal reset and join us in closing out the Spring Season and Opening Up to a Deeper Summer for yourself… even if you feel like you didn’t get a Spring season… this is about honoring and about the flow of the seasons… so you don’t miss any of the seasons in your own life this year. C’mon, c’mon…. Register Now! https://the-juicy-good-life.mykajabi.com/solstice-shift-live-event |
