“Figuring it out”... it’s one of our civilization’s faaaavorite statements right now. I’ve heard it in corporate meetings, recovery rooms, private client sessions, and outta my own mouth.
If it’s not living life, right here, right now… what is it?
It’s a fantasy for control.
A projection. A distraction for an external mirage of “here’s how it needs to be”… or else…. And “because I said so”.
Or else, what?
No happiness. No safety, inside or out. Nope.
All demand. No return.
There’s no room for actual life, living, or being. Or anybody else.
So, no connection or belonging, inside or out, either.
It’s a totally effective way to push off solutions and results.
If you push off the moments where going inside and engaging with your dear, albeit shadowy, self, you prolong the time it takes to gain the desires and actual life you tell yourself you long for so deeply. Ache for. Yearn for. And continue to desire… because “figuring it out’.... (Here comes another classic)… “will happen later.”
But does it?
After all, “figuring it out” rarely means that you’re actually stopping now to do any of the figuring out in the moment.
It’s a put off… and a clever one… based in fear. By an ancient part of your healthy human brain that, perhaps subconsciously, nudges you that “This desire is feeling very scary, and let’s buy ourselves some time… some indefinite time”
Figuring it out actually gives in to natural resistance.
It is a rationalization that buys you the time you tell yourself you need in order to cushion your awareness away from your honest truth, feelings, & desires.
In shorter terms… it’s an excuse, usually a subconscious one, due to fear of the new, changing, and unfamiliar.
After all, even the great stuff we say we desire is still outside of our comfort zones.
Beloved Friend, stay with me… this is neither a problem or an accusation.
These are my findings… based on my own life experience… including the many times and ways I told myself …”I just need to figure it out.”
Boundaries. Preferences. Agreements. Pacts. Contracts.
Yes, I’m fully game for all of these… plus, a couple more of life’s little lubricants… Grace, Flow, Observance, Self Awareness… Laughter….& the interconnection of our humanity as sometimes baffling, clumsy, ugly, awkward….& still valuable & beautiful.
Try this on instead
We don’t need to “figure it out”... even if it feels so true, so scary, so real.
We actually can’t figure it out… if we could, we would have done it by now. Life as we know and live and yearn for it cannot happen in our mind or brains. And figuring is something we only do in our minds. Figuring isn’t something we can practice in our bodies, spirits, souls, emotions… we only do any figuring, or figuring out, in our minds.
Life, living, and experiencing a sense of aliveness does not - and cannot - happen in our brains.
Life happens in our wholeness & our presence.
It happens in our wholeness… in our presence… it happens in moments when we are inhabiting our body… when we are the embodiment of life itself and aware of ourselves, senses, and others too.
When we take life in… and when we stay with ourselves.
It happens in moments. You can feel uncomfortable, nervous, unsure, vulnerable, and even scared… and it will count.
You don’t need more time. You don’t need to “figure it out”.
Perhaps more aliveness will get you further, faster.
It does for me.
It's your move, Beloved Friend.
Schedule your free Connection Call and let’s talk about your aliveness, care, attention, and growth through this season with private coaching support. https://calendly.com/wendy-sloneker/45minconnectioncall