“Figuring it out”... it’s one of our civilization’s faaaavorite statements right now. I’ve heard it in corporate meetings, recovery rooms, private client sessions, and outta my own mouth.
If it’s not living life, right here, right now… what is it?
It’s a fantasy for control.
A projection. A distraction for an external mirage of “here’s how it needs to be”… or else…. And “because I said so”.
Or else, what?
No happiness. No safety, inside or out. Nope.
All demand. No return.
There’s no room for actual life, living, or being. Or anybody else.
So, no connection or belonging, inside or out, either.
It’s a totally effective way to push off solutions and results.
If you push off the moments where going inside and engaging with your dear, albeit shadowy, self, you prolong the time it takes to gain the desires and actual life you tell yourself you long for so deeply. Ache for. Yearn for. And continue to desire… because “figuring it out’.... (Here comes another classic)… “will happen later.”
But does it?
After all, “figuring it out” rarely means that you’re actually stopping now to do any of the figuring out in the moment.
It’s a put off… and a clever one… based in fear. By an ancient part of your healthy human brain that, perhaps subconsciously, nudges you that “This desire is feeling very scary, and let’s buy ourselves some time… some indefinite time”
Figuring it out actually gives in to natural resistance.
It is a rationalization that buys you the time you tell yourself you need in order to cushion your awareness away from your honest truth, feelings, & desires.
In shorter terms… it’s an excuse, usually a subconscious one, due to fear of the new, changing, and unfamiliar.
After all, even the great stuff we say we desire is still outside of our comfort zones.
Beloved Friend, stay with me… this is neither a problem or an accusation.
These are my findings… based on my own life experience… including the many times and ways I told myself …”I just need to figure it out.”
Boundaries. Preferences. Agreements. Pacts. Contracts.
Yes, I’m fully game for all of these… plus, a couple more of life’s little lubricants… Grace, Flow, Observance, Self Awareness… Laughter….& the interconnection of our humanity as sometimes baffling, clumsy, ugly, awkward….& still valuable & beautiful.
Try this on instead
We don’t need to “figure it out”... even if it feels so true, so scary, so real.
We actually can’t figure it out… if we could, we would have done it by now. Life as we know and live and yearn for it cannot happen in our mind or brains. And figuring is something we only do in our minds. Figuring isn’t something we can practice in our bodies, spirits, souls, emotions… we only do any figuring, or figuring out, in our minds.
Life, living, and experiencing a sense of aliveness does not - and cannot - happen in our brains.
Life happens in our wholeness & our presence.
It happens in our wholeness… in our presence… it happens in moments when we are inhabiting our body… when we are the embodiment of life itself and aware of ourselves, senses, and others too.
When we take life in… and when we stay with ourselves.
It happens in moments. You can feel uncomfortable, nervous, unsure, vulnerable, and even scared… and it will count.
You don’t need more time. You don’t need to “figure it out”.
Perhaps more aliveness will get you further, faster.
It does for me.
It's your move, Beloved Friend.
Schedule your free Connection Call and let’s talk about your aliveness, care, attention, and growth through this season with private coaching support. https://calendly.com/wendy-sloneker/45minconnectioncall
Oh dear goodness, I’m absolutely on the other side of my first-ever ‘bout of COVID.
Yep. It’s taken me nearly 3 years to contract it… but when I did, it was, in fact, a whopper. I’ve been out flat for 3 weeks and am gratefully crawling back into my body… and actually, it feels like I’m crawling back into my life.
One thing to normalize here…
Whether you’re coming out of a long, nasty illness…
A shadow season, a big chapter of changes, and/or the death of a loved one…
Or, if you’re caring for a loved one as they walk their path toward the end of this incarnation (meaning, their own death, and your role is a witness or care partner).
Hey, it’s absolutely natural to feel like you don’t know where you’ve been for a bit.
I’ve actually been thinking, wondering,
and in some moments, searching
for my own life… as in, “where did I leave off?”
And, equally as important, “where do I pick back up?”
Time can get real strange when you’re healing, journeying, and coming back into wellness.
It is for me. Right now.
One other thing…
There’s a part of my brain that is pushing me to “hurry up already”...
Even though I’m not quite back to 100%.
(At this moment, 85% for me, feels miraculous and like enough.)
Taking stock, noticing, looking around for what is next… these are options.
Rest is still an option.
Because although there’s a part of my brain urging me back into doing all the things… really living isn’t about DOING all the things.
It’s about BEING all of the me.
And I get to remind myself, that even before I contracted COVID 19,
Not every single thing I was doing was working for me.
I get to be more selective about what I take back up, start again, or pour my energy into. Perhaps one or two of the things I was doing don’t need to come back to life right now. This is okay.
So, I’m evaluating what I can actually & joyfully accomplish. Or even peacefully, and contentedly accomplish… or explore. I may not have all the energy for JOYFUL…
but manageable, present, and contented? I’m in for all of those.
The pressure gets to be off - and stay off. No need to push, strive, over-effort, or hurry.
This is always an option.
PS - Let’s Plan on Spending September 22 together
It’s actually the Autumnal Equinox… and I’ve got a collaboration with a friend & fantastic Breakthrough Business Coach, Sarah Stokes, of Juicy Good Life.
So much happens in our for seasons each year… part of these quarterly events serve as acknowledgement and celebration of time passing and life happening.
I give you… the Equinox Evolution… it’s got a special program coming together and you’re going to L-O-V-E it.
Grief & emotion shifting? Yes, that’s part of it. And there’s plenty more that is still coming together. So, Save the date - you are invited.
PPS - Did you get your copy of Positive Affirmations & enCOURAGEments Word Search? Destress, relieve, and relax your busy brain with these quick & fun puzzles. Large print. Easy, supportive, and super-unique gifts for those also struggling with loss or change.
PPPS - More of these word search books are comin’… real, real soon, y’all!! YAY!