 Without support, shadow or grief work can feel like an utter slog.
Heavy, uncertain, painful, and hard to know if any movement or progress is happening. Plus, it sounds so fun, right? I know that for me, more than once, I’ve distracted myself with other things that were preferable at the moment, because I didn’t want to “go there’. These things included:
Does this resonate with anyone? I was going to some lengths to not feel my feelings. I was working hard in my avoidance. Sure, a few things got done around the house… yes, there’s also some merit there…. AND…the “bonus” I wasn’t looking for… I also totally prolonged my own grief season… with my own resistance and avoidance. Not the ideal. Nope. And, I didn’t know. Please hear me when I say this is not a shameful thing. Resistance as a speed bump Resistance? It’s a natural thing… a human thing… It took me a while to easily skip the judgement on my own human wiring… including this component. So back to resistance. It’s like a speed bump in the road on the way to a party. -I heard this line from Alan Cohen in A Course in Miracles Made Easy- In real life, you’re not usually going to turn the car around and go home if there’s a speed bump in the road. We make a sense of resistance mean Don’t do the thing you want/need But we humans, in this time and culture - because we haven’t yet been taught any of the basics about living inside our human bodies - make the speed bumps of resistance mean “go back”... or for my LOTR friends, “You shall not pass.” Our human, highly healthy, completely natural working brains get scared. Resistance often & almost always stems from uncertainty, unfamiliarity, or potential danger. This, right here, all day long, includes not feeling our feelings. It’s understandable… and you don’t need another “job” The prospect of taking on resistance to move through hard feelings can feel like an extra job… one you already don’t have time for… & don’t know how to navigate. So far we’ve been talking about navigating without support. Let’s look at an equally available option… With support With support, the journey can go smoother, pitfalls & rabbit holes can be avoided, reframes and nurturing supports are easy, abundant, & available… It’s a deeper, more thorough journey where the person you’ve hired walks their own walk, and has arrived on the other side of some of their worst nightmares, with peace. Let’s be clear on who you are investing in here… You’re not investing in the professional…(in this case, me). In coaching or any kind of support, the person considering support is not doing so for the benefit or furtherance of the professional. Shoot, I’ve already invested in myself for my journey… with time, money, heart, mistakes, resistance, understanding, eagerness, willingness, curiosity. And I’m still actively investing in all of the ways, for my own self. Why? Because I want more aliveness in my life. And I now know that I get it when I am nurtured and supported. So, for you…You’re investing in your own dear self. Complete with surprises on the way… complete with aliveness and more living in your own life. A little known fact… Even on a notoriously heavy and serious part of a life path, there can be (& usually is) some laughter, some lightness and some momentum… it’s part of the journey, and it can be sprinkled in and experienced early and often. These bits of lightness also allow and encourage us to keep going. Learning to receive during a heart healing from loss journey You can also learn to better receive in all ways, plus learn to love, and look for more, support on this journey. Really want to acknowledge that this can feel especially risky during grief or heartbreak. This is also a completely natural sense… and… feeling risky doesn’t have to mean anything one way or another about your decision. Your readiness to move forward to learn how to release emotional pain and keep all the good stuff is not contingent on feeling 100% absolutely ready. This is also true when we make large investments… sometimes aka commitments… in houses and cars. It feels risky, and we sign. It feels risky, and we move forward with that feeling. One more thing… I’m going to be playing with how I refer to the services I offer… I’m not calling it “Grief Work” anymore. Like I said above, you don’t need another job or role. So let’s begin by playing with this… With me as your coach, reiki practitioner, and intuitive guide, all in one, let’s consider the process more like…. Ahem…. Emotional Swimming Lessons I don’t know that this is the name… but it gives you a better sense of working with me, and of my approach. Imagine what you could do and feel with more support… not more work. (take all the time you need here to really imagine more support in this time and space…. You 100% deserve it and more.) Listen… I have space available for a few private clients right now. I work with only 8 at a time. Complete the initial application and let’s get you swimmin’ toward more aliveness: https://www.wendysloneker.com/grief_recovery_services.html  We’re in the final few days of April, already… and my focus is shifting toward May.
It’s Mental Health Awareness Month and I’ve got a couple of digital events to share with you. Links are here, please register for what sounds fantastic, useful, or supportive. Also, if you have loved ones who could benefit, feel free to forward this whole dang message on to them as well. Okay, here are the 2 events you are wholeheartedly invited to: 1. How to Feel a Feeling Training: Let’s Go Again! May 4th at 4pm Pacific on Zoom A recording was totally promised on the last training… AND I forgot to hit “record” - dangit!!! So, let’s go again! BTW, in the April training we practiced a few specific feelings… We will be practicing totally different ones in May… so if you were there in April, there will be new material to work with. Come on in again! Register today. It’s free, on Zoom, and it’ll be another way to increase/improve emotional intelligence too. 2. Announcing the Shadow Side Leadership Summit: Embrace Your Shadow to Strengthen Your Light This is a totally digital event. And free. Taking place May 19-21 from Noon -3pm Pacific each day. This is a brand new event that I get to participate in with several stunning coaches in our world! It’s truly exciting and I hope you’ll give yourself a moment or two to scan the offerings and topics and see if any appeal to you. I’ll be teaching a new workshop… It's not new material to me, but it’s a new presentation. Usually I reserve this for 1x1 clients, but I’ve made it available to learn in a workshop, so that’s what we’ll be doing in this Summit. What is it? Oh, Friends… I’m so glad you asked… It’s the simple & straightforward art of Resentment Melting If you are someone who experiences resentment as an almost poisonous, seething, feeling, you’re not alone. I’ve personally spent a lot of time in resentment… I did learn a lot in 12-step rooms about resentment, but this is different… I still needed different and more care around this habitual, energy-stealing feeling. I found myself in resentment sometimes because I wanted to, but mostly because I didn’t realize I was doing it or didn’t know how to get out of it. I needed something different, and more support… so I created a new tool/protocol. Hence, Resentment Melting. I’d love to have you in the Summit to learn this for your whole dear self. While this Summit is aimed to serve business owners, there’s lots to choose from that can be helpful, useful, and applicable to those employed, retired, or just looking to learn more about shadow work or personal development. Register for the whole event today. What else? I do still have space in my schedule for 1x1 Clients. I work with eight (8) 1x1 clients at a time and there is plenty of room, time, and care for you to enjoy premium, professional support through loss. Schedule a Connection Call and let’s talk about it.  When a big feeling comes on, grief or something else, it can take a little bit of time for some of us (me included) to tune in and know what it even IS that we’re feeling. It’s another process entirely to be able to explain or articulate it. Blow it out I’d like to offer a big ol’ exhale on the notion that it’s somehow urgent to know exactly how you feel and be able to communicate your feelings at any given moment. Not everyone does. Even & especially during painful seasons. Getting and staying quiet and allowing for time, space, and feelings in that calm is a J.O.B…. and I’d also offer it is an act of radical self care. They don’t know Well-meaning people may be interested and may ask about how you’re doing today, or this week. And, as kind-hearted as they are intending, inquiries can feel badger-y and insistent, and then tiresome. I’m here to share that they don’t know, and can’t possibly know what you’re going through. Some may be able to better empathize than others. And… You don’t always have to know. I don’t. And you don’t always have to share either. I definitely don’t. If you don’t have the words, or you don’t know how you feel in one specific moment… this is 100% natural and human. It could be that you’re trying to know or understand… or wanting to… is enough work in itself. It’s not stupid, or defective, or anything negative. This “feelings stuff” isn’t encouraged, taught, or supported… so it’s not only possible, but it’s damn near probable that there will be some moments, especially when things are tough, when you’re just not gonna have the words. A gentle option Being with yourself to soothe, comfort, nurture, and normalize this temporary condition is a path that is open to you. After all, isn't it already hard enough? ⭐ Special Announcement⭐Heart Healing from Loss… it’s gonna be a book!
I have a book coming out October-ish of 2023! Stay tuned. And please follow my Author Page on Amazon if you haven’t already… yep, audiobook will be in production after the Kindle and paperback versions get finished & published. |