In the United States, where I live, Father’s Day is coming up this weekend.
Whether your father, or father figure is a loved one, or a less-than-loved-one, this relationship may impact other relationships.
The dynamic may actually influence many other relationships… personal, romantic, business, or with other elders in your life.
Take a second and consider how that could be true for you.
It makes sense
When it comes to parental figures, (be they biological, adoptive, guardian, foster or otherwise) these are often some of the oldest relationships we have on the planet this time around.
There are beliefs, ideas, and traditions that may have been part of your growing up may be serving you really well… or not.
And some of what’s been taught to you may now be part of your unconscious mind.
This was true for me around how I was taught to save money, and what to save it for, based on how my dad did it.
What I didn’t take into account was this:
We were never building the same things.
We were never saving for the same things.
I felt that I had to do it the same way he did it, based on how I was brought up, what he lovingly suggested, which was all based on his own experience… in his career, and long retirement.
My work and career as a business owner, service provider, entrepreneur is radically different from anything he knows about work.
The way money is stewarded and needed as an entrepreneur is also different from what my dad knows of work. His care and attention about dollars and retirement are completely about him and his experience… and rightly so.
But I, with my creativity and independence and eagerness to do my own thing?
It was never going to look like, behave like, or appear similar in most ways to what my dad has built or what he knows.
With appreciation, when I understood this and saw it more plainly for my own self, I got to experience some relief from the pressure I applied to myself -for decades- since our paths, our affluence levels, and our results were very different… they were always going to be different… what changed was, I got to take myself off the hook for that simply being the case.
I stopped making myself wrong for what I was creating… as though is was less valuable or incorrect, since it didn’t follow what he demonstrated or offered guidance toward.
Valuing my own path, and how it looks and needs to work for me is actually more comfortable for me… it’s got it’s own learning curves, for sure… but I’ve got less judgement taking up my energy and this makes all the difference for me… and also for us.
I can appreciate my dad’s path and what he’s created and how he knew how to care for all of us in my family of origin (FOO)... His experience is about him… and I can see that and appreciate him more easily and genuinely when I also give my own path the value and respect it deserves.
It’s a process.
And it’s totally possible.
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