Hello, hello… You hanging in there after the Full Moon in Scorpio last week? Plus, note to us, May is still & most definitely Mental Health Awareness Month. I know I’m feeling it The “emotions whoooosh” is real for me. I’m guessing emotions are real for you too. Big changes and transformations include…NO…., require the processing of some bigger-than-usual emotions. Now, more than ever, it’s time to learn and practice safe and important skills… such as how to feel a feeling. But alone is not the way to learn, practice, or integrate this. Not ALL alone, anyway. There’s a place, a community, and there is room for you Join the Going Inside Program and rest in a real and dedicated space, with a real coach (me!). Receive support and navigate emotions in harmony and care… share and/or process what’s going on with gentle and practical tools. Let’s imagine what it could be like to have a confidential place, with likeminded people… where you knew and felt support in new ways that nurtured you? Encouraged you? What would it be like to have a place where you can…
The Going Inside program offers 2 weekly, 1-hour coaching calls and lasts 12 months. The fee? $150/month for 12 months. (or pay in full for the deepest possible discount and enjoy the support and care for a year.) Honestly, I pay more than this $150/month fee, also out of pocket, for medical and clinical support… for one session. Yep… $150+ per session vs. $150/total for the month for up to 8 sessions in that same month. Wild, right? Check your schedule & make a plan… Group Calls are Mondays & Wednesdays at 3pm Pacific. As a member, you’ll be able to access the replays inside of a private portal. The group calls are just the beginning… Review the Going Inside Program now for yourself. A complete menu of different kinds of supports are available all in this one program. You’ve been grossly under-supported. It’s time for more care, for your own dear self, right now. I’ve got you… and it’s time you were Going Inside. Without support, shadow or grief work can feel like an utter slog. Heavy, uncertain, painful, and hard to know if any movement or progress is happening. Plus, it sounds so fun, right? I know that for me, more than once, I’ve distracted myself with other things that were preferable at the moment, because I didn’t want to “go there’. These things included:
Does this resonate with anyone? I was going to some lengths to not feel my feelings. I was working hard in my avoidance. Sure, a few things got done around the house… yes, there’s also some merit there…. AND…the “bonus” I wasn’t looking for… I also totally prolonged my own grief season… with my own resistance and avoidance. Not the ideal. Nope. And, I didn’t know. Please hear me when I say this is not a shameful thing. Resistance as a speed bump Resistance? It’s a natural thing… a human thing… It took me a while to easily skip the judgement on my own human wiring… including this component. So back to resistance. It’s like a speed bump in the road on the way to a party. -I heard this line from Alan Cohen in A Course in Miracles Made Easy- In real life, you’re not usually going to turn the car around and go home if there’s a speed bump in the road. We make a sense of resistance mean Don’t do the thing you want/need But we humans, in this time and culture - because we haven’t yet been taught any of the basics about living inside our human bodies - make the speed bumps of resistance mean “go back”... or for my LOTR friends, “You shall not pass.” Our human, highly healthy, completely natural working brains get scared. Resistance often & almost always stems from uncertainty, unfamiliarity, or potential danger. This, right here, all day long, includes not feeling our feelings. It’s understandable… and you don’t need another “job” The prospect of taking on resistance to move through hard feelings can feel like an extra job… one you already don’t have time for… & don’t know how to navigate. So far we’ve been talking about navigating without support. Let’s look at an equally available option… With support With support, the journey can go smoother, pitfalls & rabbit holes can be avoided, reframes and nurturing supports are easy, abundant, & available… It’s a deeper, more thorough journey where the person you’ve hired walks their own walk, and has arrived on the other side of some of their worst nightmares, with peace. Let’s be clear on who you are investing in here… You’re not investing in the professional…(in this case, me). In coaching or any kind of support, the person considering support is not doing so for the benefit or furtherance of the professional. Shoot, I’ve already invested in myself for my journey… with time, money, heart, mistakes, resistance, understanding, eagerness, willingness, curiosity. And I’m still actively investing in all of the ways, for my own self. Why? Because I want more aliveness in my life. And I now know that I get it when I am nurtured and supported. So, for you…You’re investing in your own dear self. Complete with surprises on the way… complete with aliveness and more living in your own life. A little known fact… Even on a notoriously heavy and serious part of a life path, there can be (& usually is) some laughter, some lightness and some momentum… it’s part of the journey, and it can be sprinkled in and experienced early and often. These bits of lightness also allow and encourage us to keep going. Learning to receive during a heart healing from loss journey You can also learn to better receive in all ways, plus learn to love, and look for more, support on this journey. Really want to acknowledge that this can feel especially risky during grief or heartbreak. This is also a completely natural sense… and… feeling risky doesn’t have to mean anything one way or another about your decision. Your readiness to move forward to learn how to release emotional pain and keep all the good stuff is not contingent on feeling 100% absolutely ready. This is also true when we make large investments… sometimes aka commitments… in houses and cars. It feels risky, and we sign. It feels risky, and we move forward with that feeling. One more thing… I’m going to be playing with how I refer to the services I offer… I’m not calling it “Grief Work” anymore. Like I said above, you don’t need another job or role. So let’s begin by playing with this… With me as your coach, reiki practitioner, and intuitive guide, all in one, let’s consider the process more like…. Ahem…. Emotional Swimming Lessons I don’t know that this is the name… but it gives you a better sense of working with me, and of my approach. Imagine what you could do and feel with more support… not more work. (take all the time you need here to really imagine more support in this time and space…. You 100% deserve it and more.) Listen… I have space available for a few private clients right now. I work with only 8 at a time. Complete the initial application and let’s get you swimmin’ toward more aliveness: https://www.wendysloneker.com/grief_recovery_services.html We’re in the final few days of April, already… and my focus is shifting toward May. It’s Mental Health Awareness Month and I’ve got a couple of digital events to share with you. Links are here, please register for what sounds fantastic, useful, or supportive. Also, if you have loved ones who could benefit, feel free to forward this whole dang message on to them as well. Okay, here are the 2 events you are wholeheartedly invited to: 1. How to Feel a Feeling Training: Let’s Go Again! May 4th at 4pm Pacific on Zoom A recording was totally promised on the last training… AND I forgot to hit “record” - dangit!!! So, let’s go again! BTW, in the April training we practiced a few specific feelings… We will be practicing totally different ones in May… so if you were there in April, there will be new material to work with. Come on in again! Register today. It’s free, on Zoom, and it’ll be another way to increase/improve emotional intelligence too. 2. Announcing the Shadow Side Leadership Summit: Embrace Your Shadow to Strengthen Your Light This is a totally digital event. And free. Taking place May 19-21 from Noon -3pm Pacific each day. This is a brand new event that I get to participate in with several stunning coaches in our world! It’s truly exciting and I hope you’ll give yourself a moment or two to scan the offerings and topics and see if any appeal to you. I’ll be teaching a new workshop… It's not new material to me, but it’s a new presentation. Usually I reserve this for 1x1 clients, but I’ve made it available to learn in a workshop, so that’s what we’ll be doing in this Summit. What is it? Oh, Friends… I’m so glad you asked… It’s the simple & straightforward art of Resentment Melting If you are someone who experiences resentment as an almost poisonous, seething, feeling, you’re not alone. I’ve personally spent a lot of time in resentment… I did learn a lot in 12-step rooms about resentment, but this is different… I still needed different and more care around this habitual, energy-stealing feeling. I found myself in resentment sometimes because I wanted to, but mostly because I didn’t realize I was doing it or didn’t know how to get out of it. I needed something different, and more support… so I created a new tool/protocol. Hence, Resentment Melting. I’d love to have you in the Summit to learn this for your whole dear self. While this Summit is aimed to serve business owners, there’s lots to choose from that can be helpful, useful, and applicable to those employed, retired, or just looking to learn more about shadow work or personal development. Register for the whole event today. What else? I do still have space in my schedule for 1x1 Clients. I work with eight (8) 1x1 clients at a time and there is plenty of room, time, and care for you to enjoy premium, professional support through loss. Schedule a Connection Call and let’s talk about it. Every surrender is different. And each one, whether or not we consciously signed up for it, takes us somewhere different. There is hope for where we want to go. And no guarantee. This is what feels like risk. I don't 100% know who I will be. This uncertainty can feel threatening to the part of my human brain that counts familiarity as "safety" or "security". Personally, in a new surrender or change, I get into indignation when I don't know where I'm at or get scared in the process... Or when it feels like I'm in the Groundhog's Day movie (every day the effing saaaaame, 'cept no donuts)... That's where I'm at right now. And.... Ow. Me and other surrenders - or making rooms, or changes - go back a bit. But each one is different... Credits don't transfer, folks. I've never been here before. So a new surrender has been coming on... since at least November of last year or earlier... this doesn't necessarily need to be a 12-step surrender... this one right now isn't, but it is a choice for change... Because I want to experience something different. SomeONE different... Specifically, me. New experiences or results require new actions. Part of what's required is that I make room... for that new form, version, whoever... of me. Know how I know it's working? Indignation is here. Annoyance is here. Fear? Yep, it's here. Me looking back on what I've been up to in my personal journey since last year and finding doubt, uncertainty, fear... And irritation that more results haven't fallen in my lap? Yep, this is right on time. My brain offering thoughts of: -- Maybe this is too hard for you -- Pretty sure you can't do it -- Let's get a minimum wage job -- You've been doing it wrong, let's give up now And me, in my relationship with tenacity (sometimes known as stubbornness)... and also having the benefits and evidence on the other side of a few other surrenders... I, with my fear in my throat, share quietly with my own dear self... that we aren't going that way. We aren't going back. Evolution of every kind requires expansion... it's not found in contraction, or going back... even though that seems familiar and comfortable... it's still not what we/I want. What I want to experience is not "back there". Nope. We aren't giving up. The self-doubts and fear-based "offers"...? Those used to be reasons to quit, fall back, pivot in a totally new direction, or even seek a new career. But nothing's actually wrong... I'm in a place where there's some fear... and loss... these are actually working FOR me. These feelings are here for me. Not necessarily to challenge me... but to show me where my work is. It's annoying. It's painful. It's real. For me. In this moment. I'll take the real. Nothing is wrong with annoying or painful... Nothing's actually *happened* other than I'm feeling fear. So, what do I DO with it? I bring it to my own supports that are in place. Supports I've invested time, money, and heart with. My supports include real people (individuals and groups), and Divine Nature... and we work with thoughts and feelings as evidence of progress. Chances are good that some more rest is a good idea. This annoyance, pain, irritation, indignation, and fear...? These are right on time. And, also irritatingly, they turn out to be some of my most profitable, most beneficial feelings in the long run... These feelings, painful and discombobulating as they are, are now reasons for me to keep going… and evidence that I’m going in the right direction… Not reasons to quit. I work with people who aren't going back and who want new support in moving forward. Connect with me and lock in your own transformation. The short story here is that we have a habit of bypassing the heart and nervous system in order to alleviate the pressure from the mind shouting to, “fix it now”, or “hurry”. Based in fear. We do this by making reactive, slapdash decisions to “do something…anything” immediately. Listen. This is not something to judge. This is something to NOTICE. Noticing is enough. Got it? Now. Feeling the feeling that is under the circumstance is a way to give yourself new understanding, more presence, more love, more compassion, and way more vitality in order to determine the next action… based in love. Feeling the feeling will actually illuminate the next & best right thing to do, try, attempt. AND it will help release emotional pain or energy that is ready to go. You have not been taught this. YET. Not many people in the world operate this way. This is a new level of self-support and care. This may be incredibly foreign and unfamiliar… and it may be YOUR NEXT RIGHT THING to try, see, notice, and develop. Short term, desperate attempts to deny feelings don’t work long term. It’s a battle you’ll fight again and again… and it’s exhausting. There’s a better, gentler, more-effective way. And it’s time you learned. Yep. How to feel a feeling. I’m teaching it later this month I have a How to Feel a Feeling Training Event coming up on Thursday, April 20, 2023… 10am Pacific - for an hour. You are definitely invited… Sign Up Now. It’ll be awesome! Another option to learn how to feel a feeling is available in my Going Inside program. If you’d rather learn now, and not wait for the free training on the 20th, hop into the hub of my Group Coaching Program: GoingInside.Me Love to have you join me there. I’ve been talking with a few people recently about Anticipatory Grief… pets who are aging, loved ones who have received a terminal diagnosis, estranged family who are dealing with chronic conditions and making requests of all kinds… The gamut. It’s here. Because life continues to happen… both beginnings and endings. There’s nothing wrong with life doing what life does. We can feel pain and sadness when we identify that losses are happening now. In the case of all of the above instances the following gets to be identified:
It’s a part in our natural human brains that is about the size of a peanut (referred to after this as The Peanut), and this part wants to: Seek pleasure Avoid pain Keep things familiar and the same This isn’t always possible in life. Not by a long shot. We are actually here to explore and navigate changes of many kinds. And Anticipatory Grief, when we notice changes, is part of the package in a full, well-lived, well-loved life. It can totally sting, be scary, get tender, feel sad or bittersweet, and feelings/emotions bloom in our hearts and bodies. I’ll be speaking more about this in the coming weeks, but for now, I want to normalize the experience of Anticipatory Grief. It’s totally a thing. It’s also not wrong to notice small changes, feel afraid of the uncertain next, and maybe even dread it a little bit. It’s also okay to be in the moment that you have, with all that is the way it is, at this moment. It’s excellent to remind yourself to be here right now… This moment is still where your life currently IS, where possibility is, and where you can really make your biggest impact in your own dear life. Right here. Right now. This is 100% where your life is happening. And that is a certain thing. This week’s visit mentions the death by murder of Michael Jordan’s father and how grief can shift, influence, or downright pivot decisions, choices, and directions. I was watching The Last Dance series on Netflix last week. Before you marvel at my interest in the NBA, allow me to assure you I have none. The series was suggested by my coach as a way to study Michael Jordan’s mindset and focus across the span of his career. I got much more than what I thought I’d get. A lot more. James Raymond Jordan Sr died by murder July 23, 1993 at 56 years old. October 6, 1993, Michael Jordan retired from the Chicago Bulls team (for the first time). In under 3 months, Jordan experienced more than one radical shift, the first, his father’s murder was incredible and tragic. The second, retirement and a shift to a totally different focus… baseball. Was it the death of his father that “made him retire”? No. I don’t think so. But I do think his dad’s death brought new insight and helped him bring about his own change in making a radical choice to retire from basketball at 30. Context Basketball was less inspiring and less a pleasure for him in those days. He’d been thinking about making some kind of change prior to his dad’s death. In my understanding, moving to baseball was something that Michael and his dad had talked about together… and his father encouraged him and supported that desire. Baseball provided new challenges and whole new, literal and proverbial, fields of opportunity. In this new focus and new direction, baseball also provided a distraction that could create new time and space to heal from tremendous emotional pain due to the loss of his father. I wonder if immersing himself in baseball might have given him moments of feeling closer to his dad… I hope so. I think that this change, in his decision to retire from what wasn’t working for him, was the healthiest move he could have given himself. Giving himself time, space, and an environment in which he could immerse himself in something he was interested in as a means of support. He retired from basketball in ‘93 and came back to basketball in ‘95. Two-ish years. New awareness can be part of the pain of loss. I work with people who have wanted to go out on their own to build new businesses after tremendous losses. We work together for a year at a time… and it’s something that is new for just about everybody: having support for a whole year. Sometimes the prospect of having a grief coach for a year can be daunting. Most people are a little bit shocked by the idea of having a year together… but here’s the thing… Most people think of our time together as “work” - as in, “grief work”... instead of support. Support, not work It’s not their fault. Not many people know what moving through life with support really looks or feels like. Once some of the wins and shifts come in, it feels better. And support gets more normalized as we move through a year together. Many do allow themselves to go for what they really want… especially since a sudden change or tragedy instantly clarifies how they are choosing to spend their time, money, feelings, and energy. There’s new awareness… new awake-ness. New drive Inside the pain of loss, new drive can be harnessed toward more LIVING. Healing doesn’t just happen via distraction though. Navigating loss consciously and directly is still part of healing. And so is rest. They don’t have to be equal parts at all times… but each of those 3 elements bring about healing. Thinking of you. Is it time for you to give yourself more support? I’d love to be a part of your support team and journey toward more meaningful living, and more aliveness. It’s your move. And you’re the only one who can decide and choose more support for your own dear self. Connect with me here and let’s have a call together. We can talk about what working together looks like. When a big feeling comes on, grief or something else, it can take a little bit of time for some of us (me included) to tune in and know what it even IS that we’re feeling. It’s another process entirely to be able to explain or articulate it. Blow it out I’d like to offer a big ol’ exhale on the notion that it’s somehow urgent to know exactly how you feel and be able to communicate your feelings at any given moment. Not everyone does. Even & especially during painful seasons. Getting and staying quiet and allowing for time, space, and feelings in that calm is a J.O.B…. and I’d also offer it is an act of radical self care. They don’t know Well-meaning people may be interested and may ask about how you’re doing today, or this week. And, as kind-hearted as they are intending, inquiries can feel badger-y and insistent, and then tiresome. I’m here to share that they don’t know, and can’t possibly know what you’re going through. Some may be able to better empathize than others. And… You don’t always have to know. I don’t. And you don’t always have to share either. I definitely don’t. If you don’t have the words, or you don’t know how you feel in one specific moment… this is 100% natural and human. It could be that you’re trying to know or understand… or wanting to… is enough work in itself. It’s not stupid, or defective, or anything negative. This “feelings stuff” isn’t encouraged, taught, or supported… so it’s not only possible, but it’s damn near probable that there will be some moments, especially when things are tough, when you’re just not gonna have the words. A gentle option Being with yourself to soothe, comfort, nurture, and normalize this temporary condition is a path that is open to you. After all, isn't it already hard enough? ⭐ Special Announcement⭐Heart Healing from Loss… it’s gonna be a book!
I have a book coming out October-ish of 2023! Stay tuned. And please follow my Author Page on Amazon if you haven’t already… yep, audiobook will be in production after the Kindle and paperback versions get finished & published.
Death is the most-commonly associated with grief feelings.
But death doesn’t have the monopoly on grief or loss feelings. Not by a long shot. There are 40+ plain old life events that can bring about feelings of loss, heartache, grief, and layoffs definitely feature as one of those life events. Sucky as it is. Other feelings may be up as well: anger, resentment, bitterness, betrayal, shame. Yup. Could be more that I haven’t mentioned as well. Instead of talking more here, I suggest you click into this week’s podcast and give it a listen. It’s a relatively short episode, but it’s got a lot of information, including the stories and feelings of what I went through when I lost multiple jobs as well. Thinking of you & sending so much care and support your way, Wendy They came to me in a divorce - and NOW lives from self-love instead of abandonment... They unlocked their own abandonment. And if the feeling comes back, they know how to identify it, process it, and then decide how they want to proceed.
This is worth AT LEAST 200k+ in multiple areas of their own dear life since they are:
Abandonment for this client has been persistent and pervasive since they were a small child. Now that it’s unlocked and identifiable, my client can more easily and more confidently work with themselves, and not against themselves. This makes for tremendous life quality change across the board. And they will have and use these skills, better and better, for the rest of their lives. So what is next? In you and for you to be unlocked? Perhaps it’s abandonment, rejection, shame, or maybe you’re not sure what it is… this is okay. We can find out together. I’d love to walk with you on your path to your desired results for your own dear self. Let’s schedule a Connection Call together and talk about it. |
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