Stress, as a term, is often noted or even valued in our society. It alludes to doing or to something happening in life. Some of those things could hold grief. Let’s look at a few examples.
It is stressful to experience marital separation. I don’t think anyone is gonna argue that… but what’ isn’t noted is that the relationship is strained, in trouble, or changing/changed… so, there is a big ol’ chance that grief and loss are here too. A major business readjustment brings stress. For sure. And… in light of recent layoffs happening throughout the country… grief is here too. There are people experiencing their first layoffs from their first-ever jobs right now. Even when a layoff has nothing to do with a person’s performance, feelings of shame, hurt, resentment, and bitterness can come up. Totally. Disappointments, changes that bring uncertainty, less-than optimal new protocols being rolled out with some rocky transitions… anyone? Disruptions to a regular routine can bring about feelings of loss and many times a decreased capacity for concentration or focus as a very natural symptom of grief and loss. One More If a loved one experiences a major personal injury or illness, it can definitely bring about new and significant stress levels. For sure. This can change aspects of a relationship temporarily, or permanently, in some cases. Also true if someone experiences an injury or illness themselves. Let’s say someone is in a terrible car accident and they have a spinal injury as a result. This person has stress, yes. And also physical trauma, absolutely. What else? They may also have grief over how their body may not be functioning the same way anymore. The future they envisioned is now not possible or not likely… This can be devastating… and can really affect a person’s sense of identity as well. And it can feel like loss. So if you - or someone you love - is noting or noticing lots of stress… I’d love for you to open yourself to the possibility that grief may also be present… and perhaps a little bit hidden. This happens. It’s nothing to judge, and it’s probably not conscious in the middle of change… but it may be present… and it will help to be aware of it. Thinking of you, Wendy
Signing up now is easy and a great way to try on new methods of support (GI already includes)
Take what you like, your personal pace is welcomed and respected. There is no need to share with the group, even the Zoom calls can still be pretty private if you prefer. You are welcome to share, but you will never be “called on” to share. From the Back Burner to Front Burner - for a bit If it’s been really tough to put your own self care in the forefront, support can help in this arena too. We spend a few minutes at a time… with low-to-no learning curve tools and tech: email, paper, pen, text, Facebook Group. A few minutes can really give you new results and new momentum… plus, pen-to-paper writing can shift some serious thought loops, minimize ruminating, and bring perspective and clarity more quickly. This is a powerful way to practice receiving as well. How? Well, you’ll be prioritizing a bit more time and care for yourself… you’ll be spending a few more minutes with yourself to get out of your head, with support, prompts, and the good company of our group. No shame, only support. A little at a time. I’d love for you to say YES to yourself and I’d love for you to join me next week. Check out Going Inside and sign up for Freebie Week now. If you’ve opened this message, thank you. Allow me to s’plain… Real quick… Generally, 50% of life, life events, relationships, careers, anything can be considered at about 50% positive, 50% of the time. This can include big, high feelings of joy, exhilaration, delight, amazed, and can also include amused, content, calm, peace. What’s left? The other 50%. Uh oh. No funs. They can be the low-lows such as devastation, sorrow, fury, bitterness, or how about boiling resentment… and they can also include annoyed, irritated, sometimes bored, or mildly disappointed. You now know this. Ta-DA! Now that you know that life is 50/50, you can better expect it. What we can also dig further into is… how it’s possible to better manage thoughts and feelings… proactively. If you’ve been with me for a bit, you already know I’m talking about thoughts and feelings, every Facebook visit, each weekly email visit like this one, and every podcast episode too. I wish someone had shared this with me when I was about 6. At that time, the going line was “Life isn’t fair.” But I didn’t know what to do with that other than sulk, pout, and then suck it up… I didn’t have much to work with at 6, but now that I know it at 53, I understand way more about choices and feelings. And I know that our brains are also structured, wired, and groooooved with neural pathways that are constantly seeking threats and danger.
This is why healing our hearts is such work. We have the healthy human brains that we have.
For this week, try to notice how life is 50/50… you might be amazed at what comes forward. Everyday is different. #understatement #amiright I want you to 1. Know about and 2. Consider adopting Your own version of a Low Energy List. What is that? Essentially, it’s pre-thinking for your future self who may not have the energy, drive, or enthusiasm you do on a more-regular day. This is a helpful little list of small tasks or ideas for Future-YOU who may be sick, who’s been blindsided by lots of feelings, or who is experiencing some low-grade resistance when “nothing sounds good”.
Here are a few of mine:
There’s also a For Business version of this list. Yup. And I use that one too. Feeling better can feel like its own job. Having a little list of pre-thought-out options is a gift. Plus, if you can allow yourself to look at it, and even do 1-2 things, you can create a little bit of momentum and shift some energy as well. Small things are enough on tough, sick, or low-energy days. I love the quote by Alexander Woollcott: “There’s no such thing in anyone’s life as an unimportant day.” And. It’s really tough to remember this… or even feel this when you’re operating inside a season of grief or heartbreak. It might even feel annoying, this quote. I hear clients share that they are scared or mad that “life is passing them by”... Definitely understand the feeling and empathize… it can be so baffling to not know how to disengage and allow for even a few minutes to feel something else. Something less charged. A feeling that is calmer, more peaceful… I’ve even wished for feeling less intense… I think I’ve prayed to feel “more neutral” about many losses… just so I could feel like I could have a break. The thing is, It’s time that goes by, impersonally and no matter what…
This is a real path. In your real life.
Even the painful moments are part of each important day. For those who are ready to step onto the path of more intentional healing, more specific support around reclaiming a sense of aliveness, this is your invitation to reach out directly and schedule your free Connection Call with me now.
This next year is about…
This whole new year is going to include a lot of info and details about mind management, feelings, getting quiet, being with yourself, and writing. I’ll also be sharing and talking about my new program: Going Inside. Consent, Informed Decisions, and Management Since we’re off to a new start these first few days inside of 2023, I want you to see where I’m going. This way, you have full knowledge - and you get to choose - whether or not you’d like to stay on in receiving these weekly visits. Your answers, for your own dear self, are inside of you. Always. Period. Your consent is key. And I get it that you need info about what’s coming in order to make informed decisions. Whether it’s a purchase, or whether it’s a free content bit… Informed choice and consent is also about management too. You’re always invited. I’d love for you to stay on and be in my space. And, if you’re not feeling it, based on what I’ve mentioned is coming, make it an empowered Unsubscribe! Feel awesome about it! - I only have love and hope for you - and maybe we hang out in different spaces together in future. For fun. And for a full life. For those who are ON and staying tuned for these weekly visits: HURRRRAYYYYY! Happy New Year!!! And, buckle up. 🙌Let’s do this thing! 🙌 I was just working with someone who feels an intense need to “figure out why it’s so painful”. This is tough. But it’s also important to tell some more truth around this line of thinking.
And similar to a brain wanting to “figure out” overeating, over-drinking, or over-spending, it’s scared and stalling. It’s not wrong or bad to do this… it’s a coping mechanism because it feels so real, the need to figure out…buy time… determine… but days are going by without the critical do-ing… or the critical feeling, is a better way to say it.
Figuring out won’t release emotional pain. Won’t unpack what’s inside the body and the heart. Will not help lighten a heart. Feeling the feelings will. I urge you to reconsider your willingness to stay in the familiar discomfort and sorrow. Even for a few moments at a time each day. Ask yourself, “Am I willing to try something utterly new and unknown, like feeling this… without having to figure it out?” I’m eager to know what comes up… and am here with support. At the ready, with real tools. Here for you.
If you’re still with me on this, allow me to ask:
Is it possible you’ve been in your head too long or too much? 1. Certainly, if you have headphones or earbuds, the podcast is a quiet tool. When you give yourself a few minutes to gain new concepts, insights, or even perspective, you can create a shift in feeling and/or outlook. You can also repeat, regenerate, and recreate, or increase those shifts. Ask yourself, “How else can I apply this?” or “Where else is this message relevant in my life?” Each episode has some or many options… delivered with a gentle approach and even some laughter. 2. Consider engaging in a writing practice. Pen to paper, old school, 100%. For a few minutes. Daily if you can. Imperfectly? Yes! Absolutely. It can look like picking up your pen and making a solitary mark on a page. This can count as showing up, especially if you’re feeling totally resistant to the idea at all. You may be thinking something along the line of, “I can’t possibly add one more thing to my day,” or, “It’s not that important that I make time for myself or my feelings, my healing or some peace… I’m fiiiiine.” I would offer that maybe you need time for care and settledness even more, if those are your initial kinds of thoughts. Feelings come to be felt and then they get to move on once we’ve experienced them. The thing is, we’re encouraged to not feel… much to our detriment. We get more wound up, tighter, and pressure ourselves more. We can’t get to peace or healing with pressure. We get to peace and healing with presence. And it can be simple. And it doesn’t have to take all day, or an hour, or even half-an hour… it can take a few minutes. And it can count. When you count it. I have 2 brand new options for you below, in addition to the latest podcast episode. Scroll on down and know that you are invited to either and both: Pen-to-Paper Daily and Going Inside.
It’s worth the following reminder: Memories can create missing or longing. It can feel tender. Sore. Bittersweet. Just plain sweet. Memories can take a moment in your day. Feelings can last a moment (or just a few moments) at a time.
There may be more memories that come forward to be noticed during winter holiday months. There’s nothing wrong with this. It’s a time for traditions, either practiced or recalled. You notice who is new in your world or at your table… and who you miss seeing too. Memories are a conductor of feelings. Meaning, feelings of all kinds flow in on memories… good, painful, or both. Could it be that the feelings that come in thru memories have both love to be felt and grief to be released? You get to keep what you want to keep. Allow your feelings by observing them and trust that there may be pain that is ready to go, to be transformed or transmuted… and to allow that to happen too.
When we resist feeling the feelings - no matter what they are …
(truly, no matter what they are) We prolong our own season of emotional pain. How to Allow One way to allow the feelings to come up is to observe them. The key here is to observe the feelings and thoughts that come up as though they were a bird that you can see outside of a window. Your inner dialog may sound something like, “Oh, I’m noticing anger.” Or, “Looks like I’ve got some sadness at this moment.” Feel free to include some expletives if you’d like, but noootice first. “Oh, this is here, in this one moment.” If you can offer yourself specifics of what you are noticing without judgment and without worry, this can feel like a relief. Allow it. Let yourself know that you’ll allow those feelings. Stay with them without making yourself wrong for feeling them. Allow your feelings by observing them. Feel the feelings so they can be released. |
