Episode 62: Layoffs as Loss…and Worthy of Grieving
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Do layoffs cause grief and loss?
Today Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker discusses the feelings of grief and loss that come with getting laid off from a job. This is happening to a lot of people in the tech field right now, and it is one of those events in life that brings up a whole lot of feelings, including grief and loss. Take time to process your emotions. Wendy shares that taking time to really feel your feelings and process emotions is important. Emotional processing may save you from additional suffering and might provide an avenue for better decision-making as you move forward. Asking for support is an important part of processing feelings of grief and loss too. So rally your troops and tell them what you need. Once you’ve done that, get more support by reaching out to Wendy! |
Wendy shares her own experiences with layoffs and the grief they can cause.
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She can help you make a plan to secure the support you need. Set up a confidential, complimentary call with Wendy at https://www.wendysloneker.com/.
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You are listening to the Heart Healing from Loss with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode 62. My name is Wendy Sloneker. I am a grief coach. And it's been a few weeks since we've heard about layoffs and in the tech field and you know, honestly, layoffs have been going on for quite a while in many industries, I'm sure. And I want to talk about layoffs as loss even though death has not happened. Usually grief and grievers consider, Okay, if it's grief, if I'm hearing the G word, grief, that means somebody has died, or somebody may be getting divorced or something along that line, when, in fact, a great big change of a layoff can definitely cause and bring about feelings of loss.
So I want to normalize that in this episode. And I also want to address, Wendy Hey, you may be thinking, why are you coming in on this so late? Well, there's a couple of reasons. And one, the main one is, is that sometimes we need a little bit of time before the shock wears off, and we're willing to look for support, some of you who are experiencing layoffs or have a loved one who's experienced layoffs that may not be as big an issue as for another person, I'm thinking about the people who may have had many years if not decades, if not the bulk of their career invested in a company organization that they've now been let go from.
So it's painful is what I want to say and feelings of loss, feelings of grief, feelings of heartbreak, you may also be feeling other feelings in front of grief, like anger, bitterness, resentment. What did I feel when? Yeah, I'll totally tell you the story. Thanks for asking. I felt a specific, a specific couple of feelings, many, many feelings. But there's one that I'm going to describe as soon as I tell you the story.
Bear in mind, this is my experience only. So even though my story is different from one that you may be familiar with, or have heard, or is common now in these days and times. It's different, but the feelings may be familiar and the same. I'm gonna just adjust this mic right now over real quick. Okay, so this has happened twice to me. And I share it just with full, clarity that I cannot make this stuff up. This is my experience. And you know, it's valid, your experience is valid too. Okay.
So the first time this happened, it was a layoff, but what happened was I was in a content organization back way back. This was in when I was living in California in the Bay Area, Silicon Valley. And the leadership, the CEO, I guess you might call it he defrauded the 401k accounts, like all of them in the company. And so everybody lost their job. There was no vacation time there was no payouts for reimbursements or any of that stuff we just all lost our jobs and I was baffled for a long time pretty numbed out and I also had a sense of, hurry hurry rush rush to get another income source. Because it was go time and all of a sudden I needed to make money and have a job anyone resonance.
So painful and honestly, this might be something that's crossing your mind too. At the time, I was feeling like I didn't have time to feel. Honestly, you may be feeling like this. A lot. This may have been something you were feeling before you got laid off, or before there was a job change or before you retired, didn't have time to feel. And for me, it was a total disservice. To myself. I was stung, honestly, I was totally stung. And it was awful. That was the highest paying job I have had outside of being my own leader and boss and having my own business.
The second time this happened, I was living in Seattle, where I live now. And I was working as a fundraiser Development Officer for a local minority health clinic. And there was mismanagement from the executive director and everybody lost their jobs. And I remember for this one, I was finally like, I was gaining momentum, I had skills in this. I had sold out the auction fundraiser, and I felt so much shame by association that this happened to our community. And to the people that we serve, and to the donors, and just all of it, I just had a tremendous amount of shame. And this was where I felt a real a real sense of being it was visceral, it was palpable, I felt, stabbed in the back and kicked in the gut at the same time. And it just took the breath and the spirit right out of me for a long time, for a long, long time.
So I want to offer this just in terms of this happens, this is happening probably every day in ways that we aren't thinking about, and it's not about you. This may feel great, this may feel like crap, I get it. It may feel both, it may be a relief. And it may also just kind of may piss you off, honestly. So I want to acknowledge and honor that. And I want to offer that, hey, maybe taking a little bit of time to process some of these emotions. Like I said, you may be having a feeling of hurry, hurry, rush rush to replace that income.
I want to share a couple of other elements because when we're in grief and loss and feelings of loss can, can come up I'm not saying they are but I'm saying they can. What else happens in loss is that decision making is poor. So there's such a thing called replacing the loss, meaning, you know, oh, you lost your job, just go out and get another one. I would, I would like to offer a just a moment or two a little bit every day or a little bit a few times a week that some emotional processing may save you from additional suffering, and maybe even better dislike, it may offer you an avenue toward better decision making.
It's tough, and it's something that we may not want to feel our feelings about. We may want to just distract and go get the very next job. I get it. And you're totally worth taking a few minutes to process and release a little bit of that feeling whatever it is, a little bit of whatever emotion it is. You may not want to, you may not want to process resentment, or indignation or bitterness, I get that and that's an expensive feeling to house in your body and heart. You don't have to do anything. You're gonna say that there are many resources that are just available now in this day and time and age, like never before.
And so if that is something that is appealing to you, you're really clear and sure that you don't want to hold on to resentment or bitterness or you want to dislodge, that sense of having been betrayed, that is something to process so you can move forward into your next and best you're gonna move forward anyway, do you want to do it? Minus the 150 pound resentment backpack? Or do you want to keep it? Sometimes I'm wanting to keep it, that's okay.
At the time that these things happened to me, these resources, were not things that I knew about. Grief coaching was not a thing. But it is now. So that's something to take advantage of. If it sparks interest. I am going to just pause for a second and see if I can come up with the episode number that I'm on right now, I'm just gonna trust that that's going to be okay. Actually, I'm not doing that. So I think that's all I have for right now.
Oh, one other thing. See, I'm not done yet. It could be that friends and family have stopped calling to check in right now. This is not bad or wrong, they may actually be getting a little bit fatigued. By the process, this is not your fault. This is just your process. A lot of times people who are observing or witnessing people who are going through something don't really know what to do or say or how to offer resources. So I want to normalize that too, it may be uncomfortable, and they may not know what to do. And they may actually have their own busy stuff going on and not really know how to help you. This is a good time to check in and ask for support. Whatever that looks like, even if it's just, could you just listen to me for a few minutes? I'm feeling stuck. Or it might be nice for me to get out of the house and do something where I'm taking a break from the constant pressure in my mind about my career.
Okay, I really think I'm done now. If this has been useful or helpful, and you would like to talk further and directly and specifically about where you're at, I do offer one to one coaching for grief and loss. And it could be that we end up working not only with the immediate and presenting loss, but we also work with previous losses that are you know, maybe ready to be released to you.
Connect with me in on my website, there's a scheduler link. And all the very best. All the very best this season might totally blow for you. And this is not the destination, not by a long shot. Hang in there thinking of you.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this? Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute Free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together.
If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up. Heck yeah, we will. Till then take really good care. Bye bye
You are listening to the Heart Healing from Loss with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode 62. My name is Wendy Sloneker. I am a grief coach. And it's been a few weeks since we've heard about layoffs and in the tech field and you know, honestly, layoffs have been going on for quite a while in many industries, I'm sure. And I want to talk about layoffs as loss even though death has not happened. Usually grief and grievers consider, Okay, if it's grief, if I'm hearing the G word, grief, that means somebody has died, or somebody may be getting divorced or something along that line, when, in fact, a great big change of a layoff can definitely cause and bring about feelings of loss.
So I want to normalize that in this episode. And I also want to address, Wendy Hey, you may be thinking, why are you coming in on this so late? Well, there's a couple of reasons. And one, the main one is, is that sometimes we need a little bit of time before the shock wears off, and we're willing to look for support, some of you who are experiencing layoffs or have a loved one who's experienced layoffs that may not be as big an issue as for another person, I'm thinking about the people who may have had many years if not decades, if not the bulk of their career invested in a company organization that they've now been let go from.
So it's painful is what I want to say and feelings of loss, feelings of grief, feelings of heartbreak, you may also be feeling other feelings in front of grief, like anger, bitterness, resentment. What did I feel when? Yeah, I'll totally tell you the story. Thanks for asking. I felt a specific, a specific couple of feelings, many, many feelings. But there's one that I'm going to describe as soon as I tell you the story.
Bear in mind, this is my experience only. So even though my story is different from one that you may be familiar with, or have heard, or is common now in these days and times. It's different, but the feelings may be familiar and the same. I'm gonna just adjust this mic right now over real quick. Okay, so this has happened twice to me. And I share it just with full, clarity that I cannot make this stuff up. This is my experience. And you know, it's valid, your experience is valid too. Okay.
So the first time this happened, it was a layoff, but what happened was I was in a content organization back way back. This was in when I was living in California in the Bay Area, Silicon Valley. And the leadership, the CEO, I guess you might call it he defrauded the 401k accounts, like all of them in the company. And so everybody lost their job. There was no vacation time there was no payouts for reimbursements or any of that stuff we just all lost our jobs and I was baffled for a long time pretty numbed out and I also had a sense of, hurry hurry rush rush to get another income source. Because it was go time and all of a sudden I needed to make money and have a job anyone resonance.
So painful and honestly, this might be something that's crossing your mind too. At the time, I was feeling like I didn't have time to feel. Honestly, you may be feeling like this. A lot. This may have been something you were feeling before you got laid off, or before there was a job change or before you retired, didn't have time to feel. And for me, it was a total disservice. To myself. I was stung, honestly, I was totally stung. And it was awful. That was the highest paying job I have had outside of being my own leader and boss and having my own business.
The second time this happened, I was living in Seattle, where I live now. And I was working as a fundraiser Development Officer for a local minority health clinic. And there was mismanagement from the executive director and everybody lost their jobs. And I remember for this one, I was finally like, I was gaining momentum, I had skills in this. I had sold out the auction fundraiser, and I felt so much shame by association that this happened to our community. And to the people that we serve, and to the donors, and just all of it, I just had a tremendous amount of shame. And this was where I felt a real a real sense of being it was visceral, it was palpable, I felt, stabbed in the back and kicked in the gut at the same time. And it just took the breath and the spirit right out of me for a long time, for a long, long time.
So I want to offer this just in terms of this happens, this is happening probably every day in ways that we aren't thinking about, and it's not about you. This may feel great, this may feel like crap, I get it. It may feel both, it may be a relief. And it may also just kind of may piss you off, honestly. So I want to acknowledge and honor that. And I want to offer that, hey, maybe taking a little bit of time to process some of these emotions. Like I said, you may be having a feeling of hurry, hurry, rush rush to replace that income.
I want to share a couple of other elements because when we're in grief and loss and feelings of loss can, can come up I'm not saying they are but I'm saying they can. What else happens in loss is that decision making is poor. So there's such a thing called replacing the loss, meaning, you know, oh, you lost your job, just go out and get another one. I would, I would like to offer a just a moment or two a little bit every day or a little bit a few times a week that some emotional processing may save you from additional suffering, and maybe even better dislike, it may offer you an avenue toward better decision making.
It's tough, and it's something that we may not want to feel our feelings about. We may want to just distract and go get the very next job. I get it. And you're totally worth taking a few minutes to process and release a little bit of that feeling whatever it is, a little bit of whatever emotion it is. You may not want to, you may not want to process resentment, or indignation or bitterness, I get that and that's an expensive feeling to house in your body and heart. You don't have to do anything. You're gonna say that there are many resources that are just available now in this day and time and age, like never before.
And so if that is something that is appealing to you, you're really clear and sure that you don't want to hold on to resentment or bitterness or you want to dislodge, that sense of having been betrayed, that is something to process so you can move forward into your next and best you're gonna move forward anyway, do you want to do it? Minus the 150 pound resentment backpack? Or do you want to keep it? Sometimes I'm wanting to keep it, that's okay.
At the time that these things happened to me, these resources, were not things that I knew about. Grief coaching was not a thing. But it is now. So that's something to take advantage of. If it sparks interest. I am going to just pause for a second and see if I can come up with the episode number that I'm on right now, I'm just gonna trust that that's going to be okay. Actually, I'm not doing that. So I think that's all I have for right now.
Oh, one other thing. See, I'm not done yet. It could be that friends and family have stopped calling to check in right now. This is not bad or wrong, they may actually be getting a little bit fatigued. By the process, this is not your fault. This is just your process. A lot of times people who are observing or witnessing people who are going through something don't really know what to do or say or how to offer resources. So I want to normalize that too, it may be uncomfortable, and they may not know what to do. And they may actually have their own busy stuff going on and not really know how to help you. This is a good time to check in and ask for support. Whatever that looks like, even if it's just, could you just listen to me for a few minutes? I'm feeling stuck. Or it might be nice for me to get out of the house and do something where I'm taking a break from the constant pressure in my mind about my career.
Okay, I really think I'm done now. If this has been useful or helpful, and you would like to talk further and directly and specifically about where you're at, I do offer one to one coaching for grief and loss. And it could be that we end up working not only with the immediate and presenting loss, but we also work with previous losses that are you know, maybe ready to be released to you.
Connect with me in on my website, there's a scheduler link. And all the very best. All the very best this season might totally blow for you. And this is not the destination, not by a long shot. Hang in there thinking of you.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this? Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute Free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together.
If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up. Heck yeah, we will. Till then take really good care. Bye bye
