It’s not about “figuring it out”

I was just working with someone who feels an intense need to “figure out why it’s so painful”. This is tough. But it’s also important to tell some more truth around this line of thinking. ​

This is brain reliance. And it is a reliance on a scared brain, at that. 

The brain isn’t broken. Figuring it out won’t move a person through feelings of loss.

Similar to having a recipe won’t bake the cake.

It’s the heart that’s broken. Not the brain. ​

And similar to a brain wanting to “figure out” overeating, over-drinking, or over-spending, it’s scared and stalling. It’s not wrong or bad to do this… it’s a coping mechanism because it feels so real, the need to figure out…buy time… determine… but days are going by without the critical do-ing… or the critical feeling, is a better way to say it. 

Figuring out won’t release emotional pain. Won’t unpack what’s inside the body and the heart. Will not help lighten a heart. Feeling the feelings will.

I urge you to reconsider your willingness to stay in the familiar discomfort and sorrow. Even for a few moments at a time each day. 

Ask yourself, “Am I willing to try something utterly new and unknown, like feeling this… without having to figure it out?”

I’m eager to know what comes up… and am here with support. 
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At the ready, with real tools. Here for you.