Giving your brain something else to think about… as a practice

With some life events, some traumas, some tragedies… and even some really great stuff, rumination can rob us humans of our presence.

Presence in our days and lives, right now. 

And before I go any further into this post, I’m here to say, “this is me too… this is still  me too… and it’s not ‘wrong’ or ‘a failure.’” 

Rumination suggests a strong, well-grooved neural pathway in a human mind.

Nothing more. The wiring in our human brains won’t change, but the plasticity, the ability to strengthen other, more pleasant, neural pathways can. 

In the grief and loss work I do with clients, there’s a trio of types of activities that is both offered and suggested. In order to walk a balanced grief journey, I invite you to consider: 

1. Spending some intentional, conscious time in touch with the actual grief feelings… as best you can. This does not mean resisting the feelings with thoughts such as, I shouldn’t be feeling this still… I should be further along… if they hadn’t done/said x, I wouldn’t be feeling this.
   The truth in resisting feelings with the example thoughts is… you’re not feeling the feeling… you’re fighting it. Ask me how I know. ;) Yep, me too again.
2. Spending some intentional time in restorative, nurturing activities. Downtime during your awake time. Sure, these can be quiet and small gestures… it can also be putting things on a calendar and looking forward to those dates and activities.
   I’ve walked or driven down new streets or gone and walked through new shops just to give myself something new to look at. My Self-Talk Wordsearch books were created with soothing, nurturing, quiet time in mind. Sniff a new scent. Taste a new flavor. Touch a new texture. Yes, see whether or not it pleases you… but more than that, give yourself the benefit of a new experience.
   Aliveness lives in small moments… same as grief feelings.
   New, gentle, pleasant, intentional experiences can help us to notice them… and notice new aliveness inside of us.
3. All the rest you can manage to give yourself. Human brains require more energy and resources when they are navigating new and painful changes like death of a loved one, divorce, a layoff, estrangement… and even the beautiful changes in identity when we go from a singleton to a partner, or even to parent. 

Unfamiliar change is processed and integrated using a different part of our human brains… and more energy is required. This is why exhaustion and fatigue are often part of change…. Rest is needed for integration. Big time.


Nope, not in perfect balance.
When I shared about trio of activities above, your healthy human brain may have already mandated (dictated? Demanded?... or was that just me and mine?)  that there be 3 perfectly equal parts in order to share out the activities and “do them perfectly.”

This is not a thing. 

Doing what is best or most needed next, is the thing. Always. 

Complicated won’t give you the results you want. 

The feelings of peace, capacity, spaciousness, aliveness? They arrive through the simple. The do-able. Your smart human mind may tell you it’s not enough, it’s too easy… but it hasn’t allowed you to try it yet. Give yourself something else to think about… engage in something small, gentle, and new. Something that uses your senses… and something brand new to you. 

BTW, It’s also still my personal practice to catch my own brain making these demands/assumptions in order to manage my own mind and run it… instead of being run, unconsciously by it. This is an improvable skill… it has been for me… it can be for you too… and it’s more fun when we make it a game together.

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Curious about working with me?
Schedule your free call today and we’ll talk about private support coaching. This is not the destination. Not by a long shot. 

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