Episode 52: How Will Next Year Be & Feel Better?
Plus, Going Inside: Write for Relief & Release
New Year for a Fresh Start A fresh new year can feel like an opportunity for a fresh start, with all the excitement (and anxiety) that comes with it. That fresh start may require Big Changes. Letting go of toxic emotions, choosing some different paths, shifting a mindset that isn't helping you move forward — all these can help, but they are so much easier said than done for most of us. New tools can help you do that inner work, says Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker. If you've been waiting to do that work, not sure how to take those first steps, "comfortable" in the familiarity of where you've been stuck, nervous about what that change may bring, well, that's normal and natural. But if you're ready to move on, there's help. |
You are Invited
Learn more about the tools Wendy can equip you with, including the power of writing and sharing. Find more information in this episode and at https://www.wendysloneker.com/.
Learn more about the tools Wendy can equip you with, including the power of writing and sharing. Find more information in this episode and at https://www.wendysloneker.com/.
As seen on: |
|
Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You're listening to the Heart Healing from Loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. Hello, this is episode 52.
Hello from snowy West Seattle, we thought it would be rain today. And it was. We suspected there might be some snow today. And Holy moly. There is.
Hi, welcome and welcome back. I'm glad that we're here together on your grief coach, I do consider you listening to the podcast as one way of working with me. And I think that's important. When resources are scattered and different and variable and upside downy, it's nice to have one way of gathering information from somebody who gets it and gets you. And I hope that's me. Feel like that's me. Because that's how we ended up being we. So I'm glad we're here and I want to talk a little bit we have, as of this recording, 11 days of 2022 that are left to this calendar year.
Many countless in fact, countless people that I speak with lately and oh, all year have been really excited for the end of this calendar year. There's a sense of freshness, new start new planners and books and programs. And dare I say it, some people do resolutions. Totally. And that is exciting. Hey, and, for those suffering multiple losses or big losses, any loss or change. That sense of excitement is still there. And I want to suggest that in order for more desired results, more change may be needed. In order to get where it is you want to go whether that's less resentment, remembering a loved one or a relationship or a time with more love and less pain.
Whether that's melting or doing away with some resentments in a way that is believable, and not just toxic positivity or affirmation speak without any believability under there. So learning, this was a lot of of what I got to learn and now teach. And so it has really a lot to do with the conversation going on between our ears, between our ears is there's a lot of thoughts that fire really rapidly and there are a lot of feelings that go along with those thoughts. And the reason feelings are so dang important is that we take a lot of action or inaction from our feelings.
So when I go into conversations with people who are really eager for this year to end because the year will be new, and the freshness and the newness and the crisp January time or season or any of those things that's external. That's something outside of us. While there is a sense of freshness and uniqueness and fun in a new year, that is pretty short term. That is short term. I'm interested in long term change of feelings, change of heart healing of heart and to have that be available on demand. Yeah, long term.
So doing something different is often required in order to get a different result. This is true in recovery. This is true in job seeking. This is true in relationships of all kinds. This is also true in grief depending on the relationship or the dynamic, or the life event and how it affected you, you may not need grief work or grief coaching at all. You may be like really okay with like, this totally happened. Do I love it? No. Am I okay? Yes, brilliant.
And I love it because that that can happen, that can totally happen. And it could be that some more inner work would be useful with new tools, new concepts, new lenses, new new experience and new stories. Not that you would tell yourself another story that would be totally off the mark. But hearing somebody else's experience of something similar, could really be a comfort, and could give you new avenues to work with yourself in.
When I was really needing not wanting, but needing new tools, based on events that happened in grief and loss, I did not want them. But I knew I needed them. And I was out of ideas. I was done waiting. And, you know, waiting, I want to just share with you that like my proclivity for waiting because I was scared. I'm not like judging myself for it. But it did happen. And I did spend a lot of time doing it. Yeah, there was total fear involved. And there was some sense of familiarity and waiting, there was also a familiarity in the pain or the emotional stress that I was under. And changing that would have been something new and risky for this, this human brain over here at the mic.
And so I needed to seek more skills, tools, guidance and support when I was ready. When I was really done waiting, when the waiting got to be more painful than then the knot than the anything else I could be doing. Like when trying something really made the most sense because I just couldn't wait any more. If there was something I could do to shift how I was feeling I was really ready to do it.
This is this is valid waiting, I want to share is it can be at you're gonna know if this is true for you. Waiting can be a form of like a short term coping mechanism. The thing with me is it turned into kind of a long term coping mechanism. And that was not the desired result. So a lot of time got spent, I'm not going to say wasted. But a lot of time got spent while I was waiting. Could I have been doing something else? Maybe. But if I wasn't ready, and I didn't, I wasn't willing, it wasn't gonna do me or anybody else much good. I wasn't gonna get very far.
When I was done waiting, that's when results started to happen. And feeling started to shift. I felt some new understanding and a little bit of lightness each and every session that I attended and did what was advised. And with support, it wasn't as scary. It just wasn't I wasn't trapped inside my head with like, between my ears is with a really like kind of mean editorial commentator with lots of judgment inside of my head.
And I began to trust the person and people that I was working with. And I began to apply what I was learning. And that's where me feeling different and doing some healing that had nothing to do with whether the calendar was going to turn whether I had it in me to wait another 11 days of the year so something outside of me could change or shift. No, this was this was largely inside work. Did I need some breaks? Yes, I do. Did Did I throw some tantrums? You bet I did. Heck, yes, I did.
And coming back to, oh, that's on me. Those are my feelings that nobody else can change. And nobody else can feel them either. Dang it. I need help. And I got help. I needed it. I didn't want it. But I needed it. And I got it. And this is available. It's available in this podcast, it's available in my free Facebook group called Pen to Paper Daily Community where we go through with writing prompts, and we, we work, each of us ourselves, no sharing is required. But each of us ourselves, does some writing a little bit every day as a way to release pressure. And find a little bit of relief by showing up for ourselves to a non judgmental, blank page, or semi written on page or back of envelope or napkin.
Pen to Paper is a way to reconnect the head or the mind with the body. It doesn't take a lot of time to do it. But it does take a little time, it does take some time to do it. It's something you can do everyday tools are easy and easy to find learning curve pretty minimal. And so I would offer that that. And the podcasts are two ways to work with me without having any sort of money transaction or fee incurred, that sort of thing.
I do have a new offering called Going Inside. And that is a daily. It's a daily writing group. And here's how it's different from Pen to Paper. I'll have the links in the show notes. Don't you worry. It's different in that? Well, there is there are three 30 minute calls on Zoom every week. Every week, writing time is a little bit baked right in, there's a little bit of sharing time that's available for witnessing with other group members. This is what I'm talking about about more support. There's also a kickoff training. There's also some workshops that are coming up over the course of the year. This is actually a lifetime. Community, like it's a one time fee for this community. And that's $1,500 One time, daily prompts emailed for the life of the program, which at this point is five plus years. At the time of this recording, I just got this program sort of downloaded to me from what I would call the heavens, the divine. And I was obedient for three solid days in writing down what was coming in that did include more than a year's worth of writing prompts. For us.
I do this work too. I don't always love it. But it really helps me and it helps me to feel better. And to choose my feelings more intentionally and consciously. Yeah, not based on what anybody else is doing or not doing, saying or not saying these feelings are mine. This experience is mine. And I'm going to manage my mind around it and through it.
So the group coach is a way of the going inside program is a group coaching community. And there's lots of time throughout the week, week after week, month after month for a few years to come. And so if you're excited about the new year coming, I want to invite you to consider the going inside program because how is it going to be different on the inside, even though it's a little bit different and temporarily different on the outside? There is total support for you. I would love for you to consider the Going Inside program. Continuing to listen to the podcast and if you're interested for sure you're invited to the public. Pen to Paper Daly Community as well. For sure, oh, by the way, in the Going Inside, I don't think I mentioned that there is a private Facebook group. So that's a members only space that you would have full access to as well. Replays on the Zoom calls totally available as well.
If you're really looking for change in the new year, consider the change you're willing to make on the inside. I am so ready for you to join me in this journey. And thanks for thinking about it. Take sweet, sweet care, and I will talk to you next week. Oh, yes, we will. Here we go. Okay, bye.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me. For you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this? Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together.
If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel a little bit better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through wendy.sloneker@gmail.com and we'll set it up again we will all right. Till then take really good care.
You're listening to the Heart Healing from Loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. Hello, this is episode 52.
Hello from snowy West Seattle, we thought it would be rain today. And it was. We suspected there might be some snow today. And Holy moly. There is.
Hi, welcome and welcome back. I'm glad that we're here together on your grief coach, I do consider you listening to the podcast as one way of working with me. And I think that's important. When resources are scattered and different and variable and upside downy, it's nice to have one way of gathering information from somebody who gets it and gets you. And I hope that's me. Feel like that's me. Because that's how we ended up being we. So I'm glad we're here and I want to talk a little bit we have, as of this recording, 11 days of 2022 that are left to this calendar year.
Many countless in fact, countless people that I speak with lately and oh, all year have been really excited for the end of this calendar year. There's a sense of freshness, new start new planners and books and programs. And dare I say it, some people do resolutions. Totally. And that is exciting. Hey, and, for those suffering multiple losses or big losses, any loss or change. That sense of excitement is still there. And I want to suggest that in order for more desired results, more change may be needed. In order to get where it is you want to go whether that's less resentment, remembering a loved one or a relationship or a time with more love and less pain.
Whether that's melting or doing away with some resentments in a way that is believable, and not just toxic positivity or affirmation speak without any believability under there. So learning, this was a lot of of what I got to learn and now teach. And so it has really a lot to do with the conversation going on between our ears, between our ears is there's a lot of thoughts that fire really rapidly and there are a lot of feelings that go along with those thoughts. And the reason feelings are so dang important is that we take a lot of action or inaction from our feelings.
So when I go into conversations with people who are really eager for this year to end because the year will be new, and the freshness and the newness and the crisp January time or season or any of those things that's external. That's something outside of us. While there is a sense of freshness and uniqueness and fun in a new year, that is pretty short term. That is short term. I'm interested in long term change of feelings, change of heart healing of heart and to have that be available on demand. Yeah, long term.
So doing something different is often required in order to get a different result. This is true in recovery. This is true in job seeking. This is true in relationships of all kinds. This is also true in grief depending on the relationship or the dynamic, or the life event and how it affected you, you may not need grief work or grief coaching at all. You may be like really okay with like, this totally happened. Do I love it? No. Am I okay? Yes, brilliant.
And I love it because that that can happen, that can totally happen. And it could be that some more inner work would be useful with new tools, new concepts, new lenses, new new experience and new stories. Not that you would tell yourself another story that would be totally off the mark. But hearing somebody else's experience of something similar, could really be a comfort, and could give you new avenues to work with yourself in.
When I was really needing not wanting, but needing new tools, based on events that happened in grief and loss, I did not want them. But I knew I needed them. And I was out of ideas. I was done waiting. And, you know, waiting, I want to just share with you that like my proclivity for waiting because I was scared. I'm not like judging myself for it. But it did happen. And I did spend a lot of time doing it. Yeah, there was total fear involved. And there was some sense of familiarity and waiting, there was also a familiarity in the pain or the emotional stress that I was under. And changing that would have been something new and risky for this, this human brain over here at the mic.
And so I needed to seek more skills, tools, guidance and support when I was ready. When I was really done waiting, when the waiting got to be more painful than then the knot than the anything else I could be doing. Like when trying something really made the most sense because I just couldn't wait any more. If there was something I could do to shift how I was feeling I was really ready to do it.
This is this is valid waiting, I want to share is it can be at you're gonna know if this is true for you. Waiting can be a form of like a short term coping mechanism. The thing with me is it turned into kind of a long term coping mechanism. And that was not the desired result. So a lot of time got spent, I'm not going to say wasted. But a lot of time got spent while I was waiting. Could I have been doing something else? Maybe. But if I wasn't ready, and I didn't, I wasn't willing, it wasn't gonna do me or anybody else much good. I wasn't gonna get very far.
When I was done waiting, that's when results started to happen. And feeling started to shift. I felt some new understanding and a little bit of lightness each and every session that I attended and did what was advised. And with support, it wasn't as scary. It just wasn't I wasn't trapped inside my head with like, between my ears is with a really like kind of mean editorial commentator with lots of judgment inside of my head.
And I began to trust the person and people that I was working with. And I began to apply what I was learning. And that's where me feeling different and doing some healing that had nothing to do with whether the calendar was going to turn whether I had it in me to wait another 11 days of the year so something outside of me could change or shift. No, this was this was largely inside work. Did I need some breaks? Yes, I do. Did Did I throw some tantrums? You bet I did. Heck, yes, I did.
And coming back to, oh, that's on me. Those are my feelings that nobody else can change. And nobody else can feel them either. Dang it. I need help. And I got help. I needed it. I didn't want it. But I needed it. And I got it. And this is available. It's available in this podcast, it's available in my free Facebook group called Pen to Paper Daily Community where we go through with writing prompts, and we, we work, each of us ourselves, no sharing is required. But each of us ourselves, does some writing a little bit every day as a way to release pressure. And find a little bit of relief by showing up for ourselves to a non judgmental, blank page, or semi written on page or back of envelope or napkin.
Pen to Paper is a way to reconnect the head or the mind with the body. It doesn't take a lot of time to do it. But it does take a little time, it does take some time to do it. It's something you can do everyday tools are easy and easy to find learning curve pretty minimal. And so I would offer that that. And the podcasts are two ways to work with me without having any sort of money transaction or fee incurred, that sort of thing.
I do have a new offering called Going Inside. And that is a daily. It's a daily writing group. And here's how it's different from Pen to Paper. I'll have the links in the show notes. Don't you worry. It's different in that? Well, there is there are three 30 minute calls on Zoom every week. Every week, writing time is a little bit baked right in, there's a little bit of sharing time that's available for witnessing with other group members. This is what I'm talking about about more support. There's also a kickoff training. There's also some workshops that are coming up over the course of the year. This is actually a lifetime. Community, like it's a one time fee for this community. And that's $1,500 One time, daily prompts emailed for the life of the program, which at this point is five plus years. At the time of this recording, I just got this program sort of downloaded to me from what I would call the heavens, the divine. And I was obedient for three solid days in writing down what was coming in that did include more than a year's worth of writing prompts. For us.
I do this work too. I don't always love it. But it really helps me and it helps me to feel better. And to choose my feelings more intentionally and consciously. Yeah, not based on what anybody else is doing or not doing, saying or not saying these feelings are mine. This experience is mine. And I'm going to manage my mind around it and through it.
So the group coach is a way of the going inside program is a group coaching community. And there's lots of time throughout the week, week after week, month after month for a few years to come. And so if you're excited about the new year coming, I want to invite you to consider the going inside program because how is it going to be different on the inside, even though it's a little bit different and temporarily different on the outside? There is total support for you. I would love for you to consider the Going Inside program. Continuing to listen to the podcast and if you're interested for sure you're invited to the public. Pen to Paper Daly Community as well. For sure, oh, by the way, in the Going Inside, I don't think I mentioned that there is a private Facebook group. So that's a members only space that you would have full access to as well. Replays on the Zoom calls totally available as well.
If you're really looking for change in the new year, consider the change you're willing to make on the inside. I am so ready for you to join me in this journey. And thanks for thinking about it. Take sweet, sweet care, and I will talk to you next week. Oh, yes, we will. Here we go. Okay, bye.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me. For you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this? Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together.
If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel a little bit better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through wendy.sloneker@gmail.com and we'll set it up again we will all right. Till then take really good care.