Episode 7: Outgrowing is Part of Emergence
|
Emergence Coach Wendy Sloneker continues the conversation on Emergence today talking about how growth and outgrowing is another constant on our journey. We’ve been outgrowing thing for our entire lives. Our first emergence is when we outgrow the womb and enter the world.
And just like the other components of Emergence, it is not easy. Growing and outgrowing can be painful––it may involve leaving something or someone behind. It is natural to resist this type of growth because it is new and less familiar. However, it might be time to say yes to this step for yourself and embrace the natural and necessary growth. |
|
Wendy shares how growth can bring about feelings of grief and loss, and how to management of these feelings will help move you forward in your Emergence. Learning to tolerate the feelings of pain and tenderness can help your growth and also lay the groundwork for all the outgrowing that life brings.
If you feel ready for next steps, Wendy would love to support you with your Emergence. Get more information on her website wendysloneker.com or visit goinginside.me for more on her group coaching program.
If you feel ready for next steps, Wendy would love to support you with your Emergence. Get more information on her website wendysloneker.com or visit goinginside.me for more on her group coaching program.
As seen on: |
|
Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You are listening to Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is Episode Seven.
Hi, you may hear a little bit of a buzz or have sort of ggggg in the background. That's just my fan. It's warm here today in Seattle. Yes, this does happen. And that is today so the fan is on if it's warm where you are, consider this just me sharing a little bit of a light breeze. We're at a two right now out of three on my fan.
Hey, as I'm understanding, emergence more and more in public for the first time, as I deep dive with you, I want to share that yeah, I could have totally shut the entire house down, shut the fan down. Tried to ensure and effort really hard that members in the household I'm talking about my dog would be quiet and occupied and well behaved and honestly part of emergence part of I think societally what is useful is that we learn to just go ahead and accommodate ourselves. Yeah, I could have turned the fan off but that would have made the house hot and me hot and me uncomfortable. So accommodating myself is part of the journey.
This especially goes out to friends who are extra special careful of taking care of all the others around you without having much if any regard for yourself. You high achievers who are navigating a shadow or a loss season. Yeah, this is for you accommodating yourself. Your temperature comfort is, is maybe something new to consider and try on accommodating yourself and your comfort, in addition to those around you and all that means is Hey folks, I got the fan on today. Look, it's working. Look for doing it. All right.
Some of you may quibble with the word outgrowing that is in the title. Outgrowing is part of emergence. And honestly, I can understand and get behind that I understand not wanting to outgrow, especially when we're thinking about in terms of people, relationships, concepts, beliefs.
However, we've been outgrowing things our entire lives, our entire lives, the first major labor that we went through and in terms of being born, I don't care how you gotten born, there was an emergence totally happening out of somebody else's body and into this world. Whether you really wanted to or read, we're ready for it or not.
This happens all the time. This happens every day. We continue to outgrow we continue to outgrow you and we have total choice about what it is that that means. There are options. Outgrowing can feel really painful if it means you're really leaving someone or something behind that you don't want to I really hear this I really understand this. I have a lot of softness in my heart for exactly this and it doesn't have to mean that.
Where else have we been outgrowing our entire lives. Baby teeth. We outgrew those they completely fell out of our heads or they had help. But we outgrew them it was time to make room for something new and that is I'm no dentist, but it's my understanding that those are adult teeth. So we outgrew baby teeth we outgrew the cocoon or the womb of our biological mothers. We also outgrew a lot of shoes and clothes. We outgrew if you know or around anybody who was there when you were growing up, asked about this. Outgrowing it's been happening all the time. We outgrew first grade, in order to get to second grade, and on and on and on and on.
Some of us outgrew High School long before we graduated none of this is wrong. None of this is wrong. This is just growth and expansion. We hold ourselves up when we make outgrowing or expanding means something and Also, if it means that we're leaving family behind, we will resist our own growth.
For many reasons, we don't want to injure anybody else we want to stay, we want to be where it's familiar, totally understandable. Totally understandable. And there may come a point, and it doesn't have to be today, where a little bit of growth is going to be necessary, it's going to be necessary. And what that means is, it's going to have to be coming from you, your Yes, to move forward is what's going to be required.
Nothing's going to move without your consent, in your own emotional path of emergence. Nothing, your consent is required, your sovereignty is absolute. This can be a comfort. And it can also be a stalling point. Ask me how I know. Yeah, I many times, many, many, many times, I would pause in my own growth. And don't get me wrong, growth periods are followed by rest periods. Taking breaks throughout is something that I'm still getting used to pausing to consider. One, my own thinking, like, how is my thoughts and feelings management going for my own self? Not anybody else? Because I can't control that. But how is how am I doing keeping up with myself?
How am I doing managing my mind? And my feelings? If it's been a while, I'm gonna want to pause and take a look at my thinking. Because I could be creating suffering. One for myself, but also like that may involve some sort of reaction or ripple out that is, could be problematic. I know. I'm very vague here, get really, I'm asking for an example.
Yeah, and often it usually has to do with communication. So if my communication is sloppy, or vague, with my partner, then I'm gonna get sloppy and vague results. non ideal if my communication with my dog is sloppy and vague, I'm still gonna get sloppy and vague results, but the stakes may not be as high or as problematic.
Again, okay, so outgrowing is part of emergence, saying yes, in some place, in your body is required in order to proceed in emergence. Now, there can be some back and forth in terms of resistance in terms of the mind and or thoughts and feelings management. There can totally be resistance, it can be sort of a ping pong tournament, I will say not even just one game but a tournament, ping ponging back and forth between desire and unwillingness or resistance to proceed. Fair, fair, this is really living. This is 100% life and living is working with yourself in order to take another step or take a next step or consider a next step, because sometimes that's its own job is considering the next step.
Now growing is is not a bad thing. It's not a moral issue. It's just growth. And you can call it growth. But honestly, there is some element for me, like when I really didn't have a problem going to college, but I had a harder time because I went to junior college.
So I was I had a delay before I was leaving home. I had a hard time with other people. We were just out of high school. Other people were moving away to college, and that's where I felt left behind. Did I feel like they outgrew me? I don't think I was sophisticated enough or conscious or aware enough to consider that other than it was hard for me. Maybe, maybe I did. But I just remember having a hard time and feeling sad that people were moving away.
And so were they outgrowing me? No. They were taking a step for themselves that they had planned that had nothing to do with me. Same as a couple of years later, when I drove to San Diego, to live and go to school, doing the only thing that I could be happy doing for four years in a row. That was costume design. Thanks for asking.
So when I got down there, I wasn't really considering. How am I leaving a tiny, tiny town would impact other people. Like my parents. I was the first one out of the house. They still had my two brothers at home. But the house got different. Was I thinking about that? No, I was just growing and going toward something.
Outgrowing can bring about feelings of loss. The concept of outgrowing like if you consider like, oh, wow, am I am I outgrowing this idea around my spiritual practice, do I need to deepen or switch, a spiritual practice, which I've done recently, and like, it doesn't feel great to consider what I'm leaving behind. But I'm willing to do it in order to move forward and to grow. This is entirely your freewill. This is entirely inside of your choice. Nothing's going to move or shift without your consent, on your emotional path. On your emergence journey, only we're the one who can do this.
And if we can normalize feelings, and if you're willing to feel some temporary tenderness, pain, and learn how to go through it. Because more is on the way, emergence we get to do many, many times in life, this isn't just the epic saga of Star Wars, you know, Luke Skywalker. You know, in your life, you he went through several iterations. I'm gonna say that there was some sort of cocoon happening between between films, but that's just me making stuff up.
So there were periods but he was continually moving forward. Many of the characters were continually moving forward. As his life did pain happen just once for Luke Skywalker? It did not. Did he get new information? Just one time. That would have been short saga. Like not epic. But we get to do this again. And again, as we just continue forward, breaks are totally possible. Pauses to consider the thinking and how you're keeping up with yourself. Thoughts and feelings. Management is what I call it. That's what I teach. These knees are worthy of brakes.
Let me just assess my recent thinking, am I reacting or responding? Do I need to wait for a minute just to give myself a little bit of space before I'm ready to take that next step? Or consider a next step. Like I said, like considering a next step can be its own job and process. That's also part of emergence. 100%
Human living is a complex and dynamic, always moving, always expanding thing. You get to you get to pace yourself. You're the only one who can and growth and outgrowing and leaving some things behind while keeping precious things is part of the deal to the work is identifying what it is you want to keep and what it means. 100%
Even if it doesn't look like or sound like or feel like what you were seeing in anybody else's life. Yours is important enough for you to determine for yourself. And I'm here to support you in doing that. It's a wild ride friends, I'm glad we're on it together. And thank goodness for the technology of fans. In the summer, whenever it's hot, wherever you live, thinking of you wholeheartedly.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program that is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings.
So this includes reactivity, this includes distraction, this includes numbing out, it includes all of it, mostly, we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported. Now.
You are listening to Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is Episode Seven.
Hi, you may hear a little bit of a buzz or have sort of ggggg in the background. That's just my fan. It's warm here today in Seattle. Yes, this does happen. And that is today so the fan is on if it's warm where you are, consider this just me sharing a little bit of a light breeze. We're at a two right now out of three on my fan.
Hey, as I'm understanding, emergence more and more in public for the first time, as I deep dive with you, I want to share that yeah, I could have totally shut the entire house down, shut the fan down. Tried to ensure and effort really hard that members in the household I'm talking about my dog would be quiet and occupied and well behaved and honestly part of emergence part of I think societally what is useful is that we learn to just go ahead and accommodate ourselves. Yeah, I could have turned the fan off but that would have made the house hot and me hot and me uncomfortable. So accommodating myself is part of the journey.
This especially goes out to friends who are extra special careful of taking care of all the others around you without having much if any regard for yourself. You high achievers who are navigating a shadow or a loss season. Yeah, this is for you accommodating yourself. Your temperature comfort is, is maybe something new to consider and try on accommodating yourself and your comfort, in addition to those around you and all that means is Hey folks, I got the fan on today. Look, it's working. Look for doing it. All right.
Some of you may quibble with the word outgrowing that is in the title. Outgrowing is part of emergence. And honestly, I can understand and get behind that I understand not wanting to outgrow, especially when we're thinking about in terms of people, relationships, concepts, beliefs.
However, we've been outgrowing things our entire lives, our entire lives, the first major labor that we went through and in terms of being born, I don't care how you gotten born, there was an emergence totally happening out of somebody else's body and into this world. Whether you really wanted to or read, we're ready for it or not.
This happens all the time. This happens every day. We continue to outgrow we continue to outgrow you and we have total choice about what it is that that means. There are options. Outgrowing can feel really painful if it means you're really leaving someone or something behind that you don't want to I really hear this I really understand this. I have a lot of softness in my heart for exactly this and it doesn't have to mean that.
Where else have we been outgrowing our entire lives. Baby teeth. We outgrew those they completely fell out of our heads or they had help. But we outgrew them it was time to make room for something new and that is I'm no dentist, but it's my understanding that those are adult teeth. So we outgrew baby teeth we outgrew the cocoon or the womb of our biological mothers. We also outgrew a lot of shoes and clothes. We outgrew if you know or around anybody who was there when you were growing up, asked about this. Outgrowing it's been happening all the time. We outgrew first grade, in order to get to second grade, and on and on and on and on.
Some of us outgrew High School long before we graduated none of this is wrong. None of this is wrong. This is just growth and expansion. We hold ourselves up when we make outgrowing or expanding means something and Also, if it means that we're leaving family behind, we will resist our own growth.
For many reasons, we don't want to injure anybody else we want to stay, we want to be where it's familiar, totally understandable. Totally understandable. And there may come a point, and it doesn't have to be today, where a little bit of growth is going to be necessary, it's going to be necessary. And what that means is, it's going to have to be coming from you, your Yes, to move forward is what's going to be required.
Nothing's going to move without your consent, in your own emotional path of emergence. Nothing, your consent is required, your sovereignty is absolute. This can be a comfort. And it can also be a stalling point. Ask me how I know. Yeah, I many times, many, many, many times, I would pause in my own growth. And don't get me wrong, growth periods are followed by rest periods. Taking breaks throughout is something that I'm still getting used to pausing to consider. One, my own thinking, like, how is my thoughts and feelings management going for my own self? Not anybody else? Because I can't control that. But how is how am I doing keeping up with myself?
How am I doing managing my mind? And my feelings? If it's been a while, I'm gonna want to pause and take a look at my thinking. Because I could be creating suffering. One for myself, but also like that may involve some sort of reaction or ripple out that is, could be problematic. I know. I'm very vague here, get really, I'm asking for an example.
Yeah, and often it usually has to do with communication. So if my communication is sloppy, or vague, with my partner, then I'm gonna get sloppy and vague results. non ideal if my communication with my dog is sloppy and vague, I'm still gonna get sloppy and vague results, but the stakes may not be as high or as problematic.
Again, okay, so outgrowing is part of emergence, saying yes, in some place, in your body is required in order to proceed in emergence. Now, there can be some back and forth in terms of resistance in terms of the mind and or thoughts and feelings management. There can totally be resistance, it can be sort of a ping pong tournament, I will say not even just one game but a tournament, ping ponging back and forth between desire and unwillingness or resistance to proceed. Fair, fair, this is really living. This is 100% life and living is working with yourself in order to take another step or take a next step or consider a next step, because sometimes that's its own job is considering the next step.
Now growing is is not a bad thing. It's not a moral issue. It's just growth. And you can call it growth. But honestly, there is some element for me, like when I really didn't have a problem going to college, but I had a harder time because I went to junior college.
So I was I had a delay before I was leaving home. I had a hard time with other people. We were just out of high school. Other people were moving away to college, and that's where I felt left behind. Did I feel like they outgrew me? I don't think I was sophisticated enough or conscious or aware enough to consider that other than it was hard for me. Maybe, maybe I did. But I just remember having a hard time and feeling sad that people were moving away.
And so were they outgrowing me? No. They were taking a step for themselves that they had planned that had nothing to do with me. Same as a couple of years later, when I drove to San Diego, to live and go to school, doing the only thing that I could be happy doing for four years in a row. That was costume design. Thanks for asking.
So when I got down there, I wasn't really considering. How am I leaving a tiny, tiny town would impact other people. Like my parents. I was the first one out of the house. They still had my two brothers at home. But the house got different. Was I thinking about that? No, I was just growing and going toward something.
Outgrowing can bring about feelings of loss. The concept of outgrowing like if you consider like, oh, wow, am I am I outgrowing this idea around my spiritual practice, do I need to deepen or switch, a spiritual practice, which I've done recently, and like, it doesn't feel great to consider what I'm leaving behind. But I'm willing to do it in order to move forward and to grow. This is entirely your freewill. This is entirely inside of your choice. Nothing's going to move or shift without your consent, on your emotional path. On your emergence journey, only we're the one who can do this.
And if we can normalize feelings, and if you're willing to feel some temporary tenderness, pain, and learn how to go through it. Because more is on the way, emergence we get to do many, many times in life, this isn't just the epic saga of Star Wars, you know, Luke Skywalker. You know, in your life, you he went through several iterations. I'm gonna say that there was some sort of cocoon happening between between films, but that's just me making stuff up.
So there were periods but he was continually moving forward. Many of the characters were continually moving forward. As his life did pain happen just once for Luke Skywalker? It did not. Did he get new information? Just one time. That would have been short saga. Like not epic. But we get to do this again. And again, as we just continue forward, breaks are totally possible. Pauses to consider the thinking and how you're keeping up with yourself. Thoughts and feelings. Management is what I call it. That's what I teach. These knees are worthy of brakes.
Let me just assess my recent thinking, am I reacting or responding? Do I need to wait for a minute just to give myself a little bit of space before I'm ready to take that next step? Or consider a next step. Like I said, like considering a next step can be its own job and process. That's also part of emergence. 100%
Human living is a complex and dynamic, always moving, always expanding thing. You get to you get to pace yourself. You're the only one who can and growth and outgrowing and leaving some things behind while keeping precious things is part of the deal to the work is identifying what it is you want to keep and what it means. 100%
Even if it doesn't look like or sound like or feel like what you were seeing in anybody else's life. Yours is important enough for you to determine for yourself. And I'm here to support you in doing that. It's a wild ride friends, I'm glad we're on it together. And thank goodness for the technology of fans. In the summer, whenever it's hot, wherever you live, thinking of you wholeheartedly.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program that is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings.
So this includes reactivity, this includes distraction, this includes numbing out, it includes all of it, mostly, we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported. Now.
