Episode 6: Comparison Is Optional
Change is constant, and it is easy to compare ourselves to others — and find ourselves coming up short. It’s easy to compare what’s happening on the outside of our body to what is happening on the inside, and not feel great about one or both.
But that moment of comparison is just a snapshot of what’s generally a work in progress, so we’re not just comparing apples to oranges, we’re often comparing apples to elephants. And that’s not fair to anyone. Wendy is here today to tell you that comparing your experience, your loss, and yourself is optional! And the despair you feel when you find yourself lacking or lagging behind? Totally optional as well. |
Of course this is easier said than done, so Wendy shares a few options for what to do when the urge to compare creeps in. These options will help you evaluate what kind of support you need and how to get there within your journey of Emergence.
If you want to know more, Wendy would love to support you with your Emergence. Get more information on her website wendysloneker.com or visit goinginside.me for more on her group coaching program.
If you want to know more, Wendy would love to support you with your Emergence. Get more information on her website wendysloneker.com or visit goinginside.me for more on her group coaching program.
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You're listening to Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles with Wendy Sloneker. This is Episode Six. Hey, I'm still getting used to saying the new title of this project. And it's exciting. And I often wonder if I'm going to actually, release it out of my mouth correctly.
So this is what newness can be a little bit of butterflies, a little bit of this is still a little bit new. And if you heard some apprehension, or some sort of just questioning that's still there, when things are new. That's true of other things, not just this podcast, that may be true for something going on in your life, where you're trying to add a little bit more new life, or newness. Or life is such that newness is kind of foisted on you. And it's not something you really want, but integration is still there, the premise of newness is still there, even though it may not feel like it was something you wanted.
Hey, I want to empathize right there around because owl, and yuck, and here it is, this is real life. And this is happening. So newness is happening, all the time, change is happening all the time, this can be a big ticket item for a brain that has lots of ancient wiring and neurons and neural pathways, from generations ago, that we are learning more and more about and trying to work with. Just want to say that's, that's also happening now.
Our human brains are kind of just trying to upgrade and, and catch up, if you will. And that's there's nothing wrong with that we're not behind, we're not lagging in any way. We are on our civilization path as well. So it is as much societal and civilizational. What, as it is personal. Like we're all kind of on this blue marble. Remember that show, you may not be blue marble.
We're all rolling through space in the vastness of a cosmos. And that has been proven. So that's what's happening. This is what we're doing. Just trying to make sense of it just trying to experience aliveness here on the planet. So with so much going on with the speed of life, happening with the speed of technology, also happening with the speed of evolution, and busyness and expansion completely happening, not to overwhelm you, just to say, yeah, this is happening. This is real, not making this up.
What I want to share is that is a lot going on all around us and a tap, not a task, an activity, maybe some subconscious, maybe unconscious, something we do. That's what I'm trying to say something we do is we have a way of comparing what's going on what's going on outside of us what's going on inside of us comparing what's going on inside of us with what appears to be that sliver of a percent, what appears to be going on outside of us. And so comparison is often a short lived short term.
Usually no win, because that part of our brain kind of also just wants to make sure we're safe, avoid pain and seek pleasure. So it's either going to like determine that we are doing excellent or we are a complete shitshow and or if you have a little bit more balance in that brain or you have you know, some skills around comparison. It may be that not so bad comes up.
The not so bad comes up is a skill that I would love to encourage for all of us. Like oh, here's where I am. And even though so much is going on all around us, comparison is optional. It is optional. I see this a lot in a lot, I don't see that it's optional a lot in clients. But when we talk about it, and we understand that losses are unique and individual, wherever somebody's loss is happening in their life, that is their biggest obstacle.
They they get to determine their biggest obstacle, I determined my own biggest obstacle, it's usually just kind of a one at hand at the moment. Because I'm right in it, you, dear listener, get to also determine what your biggest obstacle is, it may be something that you've already experienced in the past, and maybe an obstacle you have not yet experienced, but you're anticipating experiencing it. And it's impacting your life right here right now.
Seems reasonable. Our brains want to prepare and protect. And when it comes to feelings, I've mentioned this before, but it's always worth mentioning, again, we don't know how we are going to feel when an event happens or doesn't happen. We only have our past experience to sort of go on. But that doesn't mean that is a sure thing. There is no guarantee, we don't know what's going to happen next, we don't know how we are going to feel for any of it.
It's plenty of work to to keep up with how we're feeling now. Right where we're at now. So when it comes to comparison being an option. I know this blown some of your minds, and I'm excited. When it comes to comparison, being optional. I guess what would be helpful is like mentioning a few other options.
You could encourage yourself, wherever you're at in understanding that you've never been in this day, in this time in this age in this place. Before ever in your life before. This is valid and true. What I aim to do when I offer options for those of you who are new to me and my work, I aim for it to be believable, and true. Not only true, but believable and true. And so encouraging yourself is an option.
Also, getting more information may be an option. Assessing your thought for factual truth is an option. Now, these are things that are skills learnable skills. And when we exercise those skills, when we develop them when we grow them when we learn from them, and when we improve them. Every human is totally capable in their way of doing this. We have more space for more good. We have more space for more life. We have more space for more aliveness, this is how we grow our lives, to be bigger than the losses we've sustained.
And this is also part of how we nurture our own aliveness, emotionally, which affects our physical bodies as well. As well. So I'm gonna just note here, that when I'm talking about nurturing our emotional selves, it's kind of like when our physical bodies were on a of gas run out of nutrients. And we sort of gone to a pause or things slow down, and we come down to a halt because we're out of we're out of fuel, or out of nutrition.
This can be true in moments in life emotionally as well, where we run out of momentum. And since our emotions are held in the physical body, this is how it affects. It affects our performance, it's affects our outlook, it affects how we are storytime.
When I had a bulging disc in my neck for two and a half years, it really changed a lot of aspects of my personality and my outlook. I was in new and chronic. And I didn't know when it was leaving pain, physical pain. Medications weren't helping. I did trigger point injections. I did a few. I did acupuncture I did a lot of I sought a lot of support is what I'm saying.
And it was with me for two and a half years. And the way that that changed my outlook was I felt more tired, more sour, more challenged, more irritable, let me sorry, everyone around me from that period. And more. Yeah, more irritable in pain means ow and my care of myself through however long it was going to last because I'm the one I'm living with here was my job that I have support. I'm so fortunate that I did. And still my job, still my responsibility that is my inside navigation had to do with, okay, well. What can I do? I'm going to seek some solutions. Some days, the solution was, I have not shed for the public. Some days the solution was I got 25 minutes of work or any kind of activity in me, or I have my work shift, and then I'm coming home and doing nothing, because that's all I got.
That was that had to be okay. I didn't love it. And I learned I didn't love it. And I did it. And eventually, that condition for me, fortunately, did go away. What was it that made it go away? I don't know. But, but it went. And this is also kind of what we live with in our minds like how am I going to work with myself? No matter what else is going on around me no matter? Who is doing what or not doing what around me? What can I do to take care of myself? Because my inner my inner game? Is my the only game I can do for me.
How am I going to support myself? Take my side, get a balanced look. Try to discern my own inner drama, from the facts over the words that were said. Believe me, I have plenty to work with. So just personally, believe me I have plenty to work with. So these are the things that we'll be talking about as we are talking about going through emergence, as a word implies. Okay, there's another side. Yeah, this is not the destination. So eager to just continue. I know this is a relatively new path for me and you Hi.
And honestly, it's emergence is something we get to do again, and again. Whether we love it or hate it, it's still on the path. Changes are gonna come. People will have their own pounds. Everyone does unique and individual, everyone has theirs. It's enough. This is why we're here is we're here to just experience this life. When it gets that simple when it's stated that simply, more things become available as options, including comparison being an option that you can opt out of. Heck Yeah. I'm so glad to chat with you. I'm so glad to be with you. And I I just really am glad that you're a part of my day today. Thank you and I will speak with you again so soon. Okay, bye.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings.
So this includes reactivity. This includes distraction, this includes numbing out. It includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize. What's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported now.
You're listening to Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles with Wendy Sloneker. This is Episode Six. Hey, I'm still getting used to saying the new title of this project. And it's exciting. And I often wonder if I'm going to actually, release it out of my mouth correctly.
So this is what newness can be a little bit of butterflies, a little bit of this is still a little bit new. And if you heard some apprehension, or some sort of just questioning that's still there, when things are new. That's true of other things, not just this podcast, that may be true for something going on in your life, where you're trying to add a little bit more new life, or newness. Or life is such that newness is kind of foisted on you. And it's not something you really want, but integration is still there, the premise of newness is still there, even though it may not feel like it was something you wanted.
Hey, I want to empathize right there around because owl, and yuck, and here it is, this is real life. And this is happening. So newness is happening, all the time, change is happening all the time, this can be a big ticket item for a brain that has lots of ancient wiring and neurons and neural pathways, from generations ago, that we are learning more and more about and trying to work with. Just want to say that's, that's also happening now.
Our human brains are kind of just trying to upgrade and, and catch up, if you will. And that's there's nothing wrong with that we're not behind, we're not lagging in any way. We are on our civilization path as well. So it is as much societal and civilizational. What, as it is personal. Like we're all kind of on this blue marble. Remember that show, you may not be blue marble.
We're all rolling through space in the vastness of a cosmos. And that has been proven. So that's what's happening. This is what we're doing. Just trying to make sense of it just trying to experience aliveness here on the planet. So with so much going on with the speed of life, happening with the speed of technology, also happening with the speed of evolution, and busyness and expansion completely happening, not to overwhelm you, just to say, yeah, this is happening. This is real, not making this up.
What I want to share is that is a lot going on all around us and a tap, not a task, an activity, maybe some subconscious, maybe unconscious, something we do. That's what I'm trying to say something we do is we have a way of comparing what's going on what's going on outside of us what's going on inside of us comparing what's going on inside of us with what appears to be that sliver of a percent, what appears to be going on outside of us. And so comparison is often a short lived short term.
Usually no win, because that part of our brain kind of also just wants to make sure we're safe, avoid pain and seek pleasure. So it's either going to like determine that we are doing excellent or we are a complete shitshow and or if you have a little bit more balance in that brain or you have you know, some skills around comparison. It may be that not so bad comes up.
The not so bad comes up is a skill that I would love to encourage for all of us. Like oh, here's where I am. And even though so much is going on all around us, comparison is optional. It is optional. I see this a lot in a lot, I don't see that it's optional a lot in clients. But when we talk about it, and we understand that losses are unique and individual, wherever somebody's loss is happening in their life, that is their biggest obstacle.
They they get to determine their biggest obstacle, I determined my own biggest obstacle, it's usually just kind of a one at hand at the moment. Because I'm right in it, you, dear listener, get to also determine what your biggest obstacle is, it may be something that you've already experienced in the past, and maybe an obstacle you have not yet experienced, but you're anticipating experiencing it. And it's impacting your life right here right now.
Seems reasonable. Our brains want to prepare and protect. And when it comes to feelings, I've mentioned this before, but it's always worth mentioning, again, we don't know how we are going to feel when an event happens or doesn't happen. We only have our past experience to sort of go on. But that doesn't mean that is a sure thing. There is no guarantee, we don't know what's going to happen next, we don't know how we are going to feel for any of it.
It's plenty of work to to keep up with how we're feeling now. Right where we're at now. So when it comes to comparison being an option. I know this blown some of your minds, and I'm excited. When it comes to comparison, being optional. I guess what would be helpful is like mentioning a few other options.
You could encourage yourself, wherever you're at in understanding that you've never been in this day, in this time in this age in this place. Before ever in your life before. This is valid and true. What I aim to do when I offer options for those of you who are new to me and my work, I aim for it to be believable, and true. Not only true, but believable and true. And so encouraging yourself is an option.
Also, getting more information may be an option. Assessing your thought for factual truth is an option. Now, these are things that are skills learnable skills. And when we exercise those skills, when we develop them when we grow them when we learn from them, and when we improve them. Every human is totally capable in their way of doing this. We have more space for more good. We have more space for more life. We have more space for more aliveness, this is how we grow our lives, to be bigger than the losses we've sustained.
And this is also part of how we nurture our own aliveness, emotionally, which affects our physical bodies as well. As well. So I'm gonna just note here, that when I'm talking about nurturing our emotional selves, it's kind of like when our physical bodies were on a of gas run out of nutrients. And we sort of gone to a pause or things slow down, and we come down to a halt because we're out of we're out of fuel, or out of nutrition.
This can be true in moments in life emotionally as well, where we run out of momentum. And since our emotions are held in the physical body, this is how it affects. It affects our performance, it's affects our outlook, it affects how we are storytime.
When I had a bulging disc in my neck for two and a half years, it really changed a lot of aspects of my personality and my outlook. I was in new and chronic. And I didn't know when it was leaving pain, physical pain. Medications weren't helping. I did trigger point injections. I did a few. I did acupuncture I did a lot of I sought a lot of support is what I'm saying.
And it was with me for two and a half years. And the way that that changed my outlook was I felt more tired, more sour, more challenged, more irritable, let me sorry, everyone around me from that period. And more. Yeah, more irritable in pain means ow and my care of myself through however long it was going to last because I'm the one I'm living with here was my job that I have support. I'm so fortunate that I did. And still my job, still my responsibility that is my inside navigation had to do with, okay, well. What can I do? I'm going to seek some solutions. Some days, the solution was, I have not shed for the public. Some days the solution was I got 25 minutes of work or any kind of activity in me, or I have my work shift, and then I'm coming home and doing nothing, because that's all I got.
That was that had to be okay. I didn't love it. And I learned I didn't love it. And I did it. And eventually, that condition for me, fortunately, did go away. What was it that made it go away? I don't know. But, but it went. And this is also kind of what we live with in our minds like how am I going to work with myself? No matter what else is going on around me no matter? Who is doing what or not doing what around me? What can I do to take care of myself? Because my inner my inner game? Is my the only game I can do for me.
How am I going to support myself? Take my side, get a balanced look. Try to discern my own inner drama, from the facts over the words that were said. Believe me, I have plenty to work with. So just personally, believe me I have plenty to work with. So these are the things that we'll be talking about as we are talking about going through emergence, as a word implies. Okay, there's another side. Yeah, this is not the destination. So eager to just continue. I know this is a relatively new path for me and you Hi.
And honestly, it's emergence is something we get to do again, and again. Whether we love it or hate it, it's still on the path. Changes are gonna come. People will have their own pounds. Everyone does unique and individual, everyone has theirs. It's enough. This is why we're here is we're here to just experience this life. When it gets that simple when it's stated that simply, more things become available as options, including comparison being an option that you can opt out of. Heck Yeah. I'm so glad to chat with you. I'm so glad to be with you. And I I just really am glad that you're a part of my day today. Thank you and I will speak with you again so soon. Okay, bye.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings.
So this includes reactivity. This includes distraction, this includes numbing out. It includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize. What's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported now.