Episode 5: Little Shifts Make a Big Difference
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Emergence Coach Wendy Sloneker continues to walk us through the process of Emergence. If you’re in a tender season and feeling stuck there, maybe it’s time to shake things up a little. She tells us the three things you’ll need while navigating your process of Emergence.
Don’t worry! All three are small and manageable, but each can make a big difference in your journey. Wendy explains them and gives lots of examples on how to use these tools while you work on Emergence. |
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If you’re ready, Wendy would love to support you with your Emergence. Get more information on her website wendysloneker.com or visit goinginside.me for more on her group coaching program.
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker:
You are listening to the Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is Episode Five.
Hi, you may hear some different kinds of noises I'm, I'm recording this from the minivan. This is I think the first minivan episode here in this new project. And so welcome. You may be hearing some traffic, you may be hearing some blackberries growing or some sailboats out on the water, they don't make really a lot of noise. But that's what's happening. That's where I'm at. I'm parked over here on Constellation Beach, which is called the quiet side of the beach here in West Seattle, the Seattle totally does have a beach, and I'm on the quiet side. Hello.
So I wanted to talk a little bit about shaking things up. And when you're in a tender season of your life or sort of challenging patch, I want to talk a little bit about the three things that are needed as you're navigating. Now, these are things that can work very well. That's what I work with in grief and loss. But it can also work with just in if you're feeling like you're stuck in a rut, or you could use just a little bit of change.
And those are the three things that David Kessler talks about. He advises and so do I. He advises having rest, a little bit of distraction, and then also specific work to help you sort of through the time that you're in so that for some could look like career coaching that can look like working on your medical condition, if you have one that can look like maybe a goal you're having to like go through a chronic condition if you need to work on your nutrition or dietary stuff, or get some exercise like those are active, specific things like in grief coaching, we work through to process emotions.
That's the specific work, what can help in terms of distraction that which also counts, but sometimes we just need new, but gentle and maybe not radical, small changes. So this can look like driving down a different road, this can look like an extra shake of cinnamon on to your coffee grounds. Sometimes I use nutmeg as well, it's delicious, and it sort of changes things around. Maybe you're putting a dash of some sort of plant milk into your beverage instead of just dairy. I don't know, it can be so tiny, but it can also go a long way.
So as I'm out here, and I'm recording this podcast, I'm like noticing the water and then I'm noticing the light on the water or the blackberry bushes are blooming. Looking at like the stickers that are on like a lot of other people's cars. Stickers are big here. And I'm just sort of observing something different. And life at this particular time of day. So it can be the tiniest change. It can be stepping outside for a breath of fresh air because we forget to do that. It can also be going to a different store or looking at seasonings and spices is something that I tend to just allow myself, there may be a part of your mind that's like that's so small, it won't count.
And that is an optional thought. I choose small and gentle. Just things to notice things to break up the day a little bit. This is especially nice for those if you're working through things and the days seem really long. And it's kind of nice to have that distraction at work but nighttime can be very lonely and challenging. And that can be something that can be the time of day where you sort of give yourself something new to experience or taste or try or observe even. It could be any of those things.
I do recommend a little more time out of the house like some kind of intentional move that gets your like you bring your body somewhere even if you're just sitting in the car roll down the window, take in some new air, stay somewhere, like safe. And if you're going to take a driver or ride or go on the bus or just sort of plan a tour of some kind, it doesn't have to take long, like three to five minutes, stepping outside the door, getting a change of scene, getting a new breath of air.
These are the things that can help us refocus, and they count toward emergence. This is new life and new experience that we're talking about. The tiniest can totally make the difference. If you've never ever, ever tried marshmallows in your hot chocolate. Now's the time. If you've never ever, ever walked on the other side of the street on your regular routine. This is the time if you I don't know want to like see what it's like to pet a bunny, I would go ahead and like do a little bit of research to try to like get yourself the experience of spending time with a sweet little bunny. Yeah, a rabbit, for sure.
It can seem so mundane. And this is the thing your brain may be really interested in making it complex. As somebody who can totally complicate a bologna sandwich, I would like to offer that it counts when you counted.
I've done things like I picked a couple of weeds. I've picked up a little bit of trash, with gloves. And I've just gone on the other side of the street, I've walked in reverse of my walk my regular walks. These are like whatever you can do. That is the simplest, smallest changes.
If you could use more help and support, here are a couple of ideas. Ask your friend to come over and pick you up and take you somewhere you've never been before. You don't even have to know where that is. Just ask them like hey, can you bring me to your favorite? You know, vintage shop or Value Village or Goodwill? Or can you bring me to your favorite mall? And we'll just take a walk can you bring me to like this is asking for support, receiving support. The practice of that, but then also giving yourself the experience with somebody else in a space that they are very familiar and comfortable with?
Doesn't have to be a big deal. If they say no, they are not available that that is all that means. Oh, do you want to do something else? Oh, do you want to try something else? What else sounds good. It could be a different day and time.
This is a space to just like let it be okay, that that was not going to work for them. And you asked somebody else. The point here is to do the asking, see what'll happen. If you need to go somewhere to help yourself, meet new people valid if you would prefer to just like go where a lot of dogs get walked so you can meet the dogs perfect. That is valid too.
So a little bit of change can really go a long way. And this helps bring in a little bit of new life without it being radical or huge, like radical and huge is totally possible and available. And sometimes that's just really hard to even fathom.
I would also offer are just at the end of this short episode that it's kind of nice to get something on the calendar that you're looking forward to either a week out or a few weeks out. So you can just plan and prepare and think about what you might need, what sounds like fun, what you'd love to experience, something that's new, and you know, maybe you're going to a favorite place at a different time of year.
This this still counts if you have a challenging sort of anniversary coming up. I know we're just coming off of Father's Day, at the time that this is getting recorded. It's okay to plan to do something totally different on a day that is could be tough, or could be brand new that you're kind of dreading. This is all right. Getting something planned for yourself in the future is something to look forward to and that can feel better. That can give your brain something else to consider and think about and plan then, sort of staying in your brain that is looping on the doom scroll.
Emergence is its own work. And thank you for listening, because listening means you're interested. And listening also means you're doing it. Because you're taking in new information. It counts. So listening to a different podcast would also count in my book.
I'm hoping you are well, I'm looking forward to speaking with you again. I'm off to do something new for myself in a place that I've never been before with some family. So more on that. When I come back, from Carmel Valley, California. Yep, it's out there.
Okay, take really, really sweet care. It's important and accounts, and you deserve it. Okay, talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings. So this includes reactivity. This includes distraction, this includes numbing out, it includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it.
So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported. Now.
You are listening to the Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is Episode Five.
Hi, you may hear some different kinds of noises I'm, I'm recording this from the minivan. This is I think the first minivan episode here in this new project. And so welcome. You may be hearing some traffic, you may be hearing some blackberries growing or some sailboats out on the water, they don't make really a lot of noise. But that's what's happening. That's where I'm at. I'm parked over here on Constellation Beach, which is called the quiet side of the beach here in West Seattle, the Seattle totally does have a beach, and I'm on the quiet side. Hello.
So I wanted to talk a little bit about shaking things up. And when you're in a tender season of your life or sort of challenging patch, I want to talk a little bit about the three things that are needed as you're navigating. Now, these are things that can work very well. That's what I work with in grief and loss. But it can also work with just in if you're feeling like you're stuck in a rut, or you could use just a little bit of change.
And those are the three things that David Kessler talks about. He advises and so do I. He advises having rest, a little bit of distraction, and then also specific work to help you sort of through the time that you're in so that for some could look like career coaching that can look like working on your medical condition, if you have one that can look like maybe a goal you're having to like go through a chronic condition if you need to work on your nutrition or dietary stuff, or get some exercise like those are active, specific things like in grief coaching, we work through to process emotions.
That's the specific work, what can help in terms of distraction that which also counts, but sometimes we just need new, but gentle and maybe not radical, small changes. So this can look like driving down a different road, this can look like an extra shake of cinnamon on to your coffee grounds. Sometimes I use nutmeg as well, it's delicious, and it sort of changes things around. Maybe you're putting a dash of some sort of plant milk into your beverage instead of just dairy. I don't know, it can be so tiny, but it can also go a long way.
So as I'm out here, and I'm recording this podcast, I'm like noticing the water and then I'm noticing the light on the water or the blackberry bushes are blooming. Looking at like the stickers that are on like a lot of other people's cars. Stickers are big here. And I'm just sort of observing something different. And life at this particular time of day. So it can be the tiniest change. It can be stepping outside for a breath of fresh air because we forget to do that. It can also be going to a different store or looking at seasonings and spices is something that I tend to just allow myself, there may be a part of your mind that's like that's so small, it won't count.
And that is an optional thought. I choose small and gentle. Just things to notice things to break up the day a little bit. This is especially nice for those if you're working through things and the days seem really long. And it's kind of nice to have that distraction at work but nighttime can be very lonely and challenging. And that can be something that can be the time of day where you sort of give yourself something new to experience or taste or try or observe even. It could be any of those things.
I do recommend a little more time out of the house like some kind of intentional move that gets your like you bring your body somewhere even if you're just sitting in the car roll down the window, take in some new air, stay somewhere, like safe. And if you're going to take a driver or ride or go on the bus or just sort of plan a tour of some kind, it doesn't have to take long, like three to five minutes, stepping outside the door, getting a change of scene, getting a new breath of air.
These are the things that can help us refocus, and they count toward emergence. This is new life and new experience that we're talking about. The tiniest can totally make the difference. If you've never ever, ever tried marshmallows in your hot chocolate. Now's the time. If you've never ever, ever walked on the other side of the street on your regular routine. This is the time if you I don't know want to like see what it's like to pet a bunny, I would go ahead and like do a little bit of research to try to like get yourself the experience of spending time with a sweet little bunny. Yeah, a rabbit, for sure.
It can seem so mundane. And this is the thing your brain may be really interested in making it complex. As somebody who can totally complicate a bologna sandwich, I would like to offer that it counts when you counted.
I've done things like I picked a couple of weeds. I've picked up a little bit of trash, with gloves. And I've just gone on the other side of the street, I've walked in reverse of my walk my regular walks. These are like whatever you can do. That is the simplest, smallest changes.
If you could use more help and support, here are a couple of ideas. Ask your friend to come over and pick you up and take you somewhere you've never been before. You don't even have to know where that is. Just ask them like hey, can you bring me to your favorite? You know, vintage shop or Value Village or Goodwill? Or can you bring me to your favorite mall? And we'll just take a walk can you bring me to like this is asking for support, receiving support. The practice of that, but then also giving yourself the experience with somebody else in a space that they are very familiar and comfortable with?
Doesn't have to be a big deal. If they say no, they are not available that that is all that means. Oh, do you want to do something else? Oh, do you want to try something else? What else sounds good. It could be a different day and time.
This is a space to just like let it be okay, that that was not going to work for them. And you asked somebody else. The point here is to do the asking, see what'll happen. If you need to go somewhere to help yourself, meet new people valid if you would prefer to just like go where a lot of dogs get walked so you can meet the dogs perfect. That is valid too.
So a little bit of change can really go a long way. And this helps bring in a little bit of new life without it being radical or huge, like radical and huge is totally possible and available. And sometimes that's just really hard to even fathom.
I would also offer are just at the end of this short episode that it's kind of nice to get something on the calendar that you're looking forward to either a week out or a few weeks out. So you can just plan and prepare and think about what you might need, what sounds like fun, what you'd love to experience, something that's new, and you know, maybe you're going to a favorite place at a different time of year.
This this still counts if you have a challenging sort of anniversary coming up. I know we're just coming off of Father's Day, at the time that this is getting recorded. It's okay to plan to do something totally different on a day that is could be tough, or could be brand new that you're kind of dreading. This is all right. Getting something planned for yourself in the future is something to look forward to and that can feel better. That can give your brain something else to consider and think about and plan then, sort of staying in your brain that is looping on the doom scroll.
Emergence is its own work. And thank you for listening, because listening means you're interested. And listening also means you're doing it. Because you're taking in new information. It counts. So listening to a different podcast would also count in my book.
I'm hoping you are well, I'm looking forward to speaking with you again. I'm off to do something new for myself in a place that I've never been before with some family. So more on that. When I come back, from Carmel Valley, California. Yep, it's out there.
Okay, take really, really sweet care. It's important and accounts, and you deserve it. Okay, talk to you soon. Bye. Bye.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings. So this includes reactivity. This includes distraction, this includes numbing out, it includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it.
So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported. Now.
