Episode 4: I Don’t Know How, But I Decide
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Emergence is a process and the “figuring it out” is a big part of this journey. Emergence Coach, Wendy Sloneker is pointing us to to really identify and respond to those “nudges” that are already there right inside of us. And not totally figuring it out is okay too; it takes time and the progress is just as important as the path you’re on.
The path forward will present itself. And if you’re ready, Wendy would love to support you with your Emergence. Get more information on her website wendysloneker.com or visit goinginside.me for more on her group coaching program. |
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Full Episode Transcript
You are listening to the emergence from life's biggest obstacles podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode four. I am so glad you're here. There is so much kind of unfolding on my own emergence journey. And I'm kind of finding out what emergence is and means as we go along.
Thank you for being with me on this brand new podcast journey. The other podcast Heart Healing from Loss will remain available and alive in its way all 70 glorious episodes of it. That is also available if Heart Healing from Loss is something you want to visit or revisit.
Here we are talking about emergence. And as as if you've been following along for a little while, emergence, as a word as an approach was delivered to me in early May of 2023. Yep, just two months ago, just I'm sorry, one month ago, oh, my gosh, time is certainly wild. So I wanted to talk a little bit about, emergence, in terms of it being a sense of it's not a logical, it's not a logical thing, this is a sensory experience. This is something sort of inhabited below your neck, not having as much to do with your brain, but you have a sense that that something is uncomfortable, or that you're outgrowing something. It could be a circumstance, it could be a relationship, it could be a belief. These are all things that you can move through and become more from.
I'd like to address something that comes up frequently, it came up a lot when I was in recovery rooms as well. And it was the I don't know how, or the figuring it out, figuring it out. Pretty much like the signifies that we're using our brains to figure it out. You don't. Emergence can be a sense of, and having a body wisdom or having belief in your body's wisdom that can be enough. That can be enough for your brain to work with. Yeah, we're totally going to get your brain involved. But having a sense of emergence or needing to make a change, not from your brain, but from us a sense of discomfort or a sense of it being too tight.
Imagine if you were in a cocoon and you were completed, like you've gone through the goo stage and you are now reformed into a new being and it's time to get out of that container. So you can begin to live with new wings. That's what we're talking about.
I don't think a brand new butterfly that is ready to get out of its cocoon. And as we mentioned in episode one, you get more than one as a human being. We get numerous cocoons in this life. So a butterfly doesn't make a, you know, intellectual plan about like, the timing of when that cocoon is going to you know, like when I'm going to be cooked or whatever, this isn't really a recipe. This isn't like, you know, cooking show on YouTube, this is not bake at 350 until golden brown, this is okay, I have a sense from the inside that a shift is coming on.
This is a time when we can resist it. We can sort of acknowledge that it exists but you're not quite ready yet. Or you can say oh my gosh, this is I just can't do this anymore. In this container. In this circumstance in this job in this relationship in this belief or in this thought. I can't continue this way anymore.
And it's okay for you to not know how you're gonna do it. This is also a place where and it can be maddening. Because the culture that we sort of work in and live in, it's one that I participate in, on a daily basis, it's not really all about the see what opens up and becomes an opportunity for you kind of thing.
I live in a society and culture where, you know, we go out and make it happen, even if we don't know how we're gonna do it. We just go out and make it happen. And for me, that sounds very reactive, which is, I've had some field research in reactive responses, and they don't usually go in my total favor. I much prefer a conscious response. One that is not based in fear or flailing, not based in hurry up and get out of this feeling. I didn't like my responses from Oh, that's what's going on. With me. Oh, what is around me? What is my desire? And how do I move through.
In the way that I coach, I often find that it's kind of an awakening to inside nudges. And then we nurture ourselves along the way. And this is an entirely new protocol of learning. So it's learning to identify and respond to inside nudges, instincts, hunches. Design, desires, inspirations, they're there. They're totally there. But they don't resound or they don't ring out in fear. Like me, reacting to fear is not the same as me responding to desire or to an inside nudge. Sometimes my inside nudge is when he could drink some more water. I'm not always thrilled about that one. Because I'd much rather do something more active more, I don't know, invigorating, adrenalysing these kinds of things. But honestly, when it comes down to it, responsive care, is really often about me getting more liquid inside my body. That's alright.
Doesn't mean that other exciting things are not happening. That does actually mean that I am more available for responding to opportunities that present themselves. When I'm not also sort of flailing in the chaos of fear. My brain sometimes when it's really scared and fearful likes to boss me around, it likes to send me on a lot high volume, amount of detailed jobs that don't really add up too much at all. But they do take a lot of energy and time.
So not figuring it out is is definitely an okay thing here in our book, you don't have to figure it out. This was true in the recovery rooms as well, like you don't have to figure it out, it will be presented. Whatever path forward is something that you can search for your own nudges from the inside. And then you can nurture yourself through them, walk through them.
This was not the language of recovery rooms by the way. But that is my language now. So what is required is is you deciding you deciding that okay, I'm going to participate and learn this new thing about what my insides are telling me what is my inner wisdom where if I have a sense that my cocoons too tight, then where can I make a start in terms of emerging from it?
Where is that and being quiet and attentive to yourself enough to identify the exact correct place for you to begin this really is not about the brain or figuring it out. The only part about that is is really necessary and I wouldn't even argue that deciding making a decision is only partially attributed to the brain, I'm going to suggest that maybe there's a knowing that is in your heart, or in your gut, or somewhere in your body. That is saying, Hey, I think we have to move through this. Or I've outgrown this, not in a way that is arrogant, but in a way that is resonant.
You're gonna know your truth when you hear it. This is also learnable. Because I didn't always understand what my body was saying. But a lot of times, I would just shut it down because it was inconvenient. And I told myself, I didn't have time. So what I was saying was, I don't have time for me. I have to do all this stuff on the outside. I don't have time for my inside, when what's inside is actually reflected to you on your outsides.
So working with yourself, is the way to begin to bring about the external changes that you really do desire. without fear, without flailing, without chaos. And without wreckage. Like when I was reacting based in fear, there was a lot of wreckage to jobs, and friendships and relationships and messes I made and I wasn't paying attention in some cases. So I got some speeding tickets. Like I really created some circumstances, that were also unpleasant. But that created more work, for me to give more reaction to, to get more fearful about to stay in fear about.
And so emergence is, is really it's conceptually different. And it's also transformative, energetically different. Making decisions from a place that is not only in your brain and doesn't only believe what your brain is telling you. Like me not making decisions from what, like all that my brain is telling me my Bossy, Bossy, fearful brain. That's a relief. That's where some peace can get in as well.
So if you're feeling like oh, I need to move on from something at some point, whether it's, you're just getting an awareness of it, or you are noticing where your current living situation is too tight. Or you're in a space of, I just can't do it like this anymore. You're on the cusp of emergence. And you don't have to figure it out. But you can decide that you're all in, that you're going forward. That you're not going to argue with what is being presented in terms of your truth. This is too tight, it doesn't feel good anymore. I don't feel spaciousness. I need to learn something new or have a different experience. This is expansion. It's actually beautiful. And it's an opportunity.
So thank you for being with me as we move through and figure out together There I said it, but did you hear me I said figured out where we discover what emergence is and what it's about. I'm going to suggest again that hey, would you be willing to listen for your inside nudges? Would you be willing to nurture yourself and not bully yourself into responding rather than reacting?
I'm curious about what that experiment might bring about for you. And I would love to hear it please leave some comments. Your review would be so appreciated. So so appreciated. I hope you have a delightful delicious week. And I look forward to talking with you again very soon. But bye for now. Okay, bye.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you are finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings.
So this includes reactivity, this includes distraction, this includes numbing out. It includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available.
I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported.
Thank you for being with me on this brand new podcast journey. The other podcast Heart Healing from Loss will remain available and alive in its way all 70 glorious episodes of it. That is also available if Heart Healing from Loss is something you want to visit or revisit.
Here we are talking about emergence. And as as if you've been following along for a little while, emergence, as a word as an approach was delivered to me in early May of 2023. Yep, just two months ago, just I'm sorry, one month ago, oh, my gosh, time is certainly wild. So I wanted to talk a little bit about, emergence, in terms of it being a sense of it's not a logical, it's not a logical thing, this is a sensory experience. This is something sort of inhabited below your neck, not having as much to do with your brain, but you have a sense that that something is uncomfortable, or that you're outgrowing something. It could be a circumstance, it could be a relationship, it could be a belief. These are all things that you can move through and become more from.
I'd like to address something that comes up frequently, it came up a lot when I was in recovery rooms as well. And it was the I don't know how, or the figuring it out, figuring it out. Pretty much like the signifies that we're using our brains to figure it out. You don't. Emergence can be a sense of, and having a body wisdom or having belief in your body's wisdom that can be enough. That can be enough for your brain to work with. Yeah, we're totally going to get your brain involved. But having a sense of emergence or needing to make a change, not from your brain, but from us a sense of discomfort or a sense of it being too tight.
Imagine if you were in a cocoon and you were completed, like you've gone through the goo stage and you are now reformed into a new being and it's time to get out of that container. So you can begin to live with new wings. That's what we're talking about.
I don't think a brand new butterfly that is ready to get out of its cocoon. And as we mentioned in episode one, you get more than one as a human being. We get numerous cocoons in this life. So a butterfly doesn't make a, you know, intellectual plan about like, the timing of when that cocoon is going to you know, like when I'm going to be cooked or whatever, this isn't really a recipe. This isn't like, you know, cooking show on YouTube, this is not bake at 350 until golden brown, this is okay, I have a sense from the inside that a shift is coming on.
This is a time when we can resist it. We can sort of acknowledge that it exists but you're not quite ready yet. Or you can say oh my gosh, this is I just can't do this anymore. In this container. In this circumstance in this job in this relationship in this belief or in this thought. I can't continue this way anymore.
And it's okay for you to not know how you're gonna do it. This is also a place where and it can be maddening. Because the culture that we sort of work in and live in, it's one that I participate in, on a daily basis, it's not really all about the see what opens up and becomes an opportunity for you kind of thing.
I live in a society and culture where, you know, we go out and make it happen, even if we don't know how we're gonna do it. We just go out and make it happen. And for me, that sounds very reactive, which is, I've had some field research in reactive responses, and they don't usually go in my total favor. I much prefer a conscious response. One that is not based in fear or flailing, not based in hurry up and get out of this feeling. I didn't like my responses from Oh, that's what's going on. With me. Oh, what is around me? What is my desire? And how do I move through.
In the way that I coach, I often find that it's kind of an awakening to inside nudges. And then we nurture ourselves along the way. And this is an entirely new protocol of learning. So it's learning to identify and respond to inside nudges, instincts, hunches. Design, desires, inspirations, they're there. They're totally there. But they don't resound or they don't ring out in fear. Like me, reacting to fear is not the same as me responding to desire or to an inside nudge. Sometimes my inside nudge is when he could drink some more water. I'm not always thrilled about that one. Because I'd much rather do something more active more, I don't know, invigorating, adrenalysing these kinds of things. But honestly, when it comes down to it, responsive care, is really often about me getting more liquid inside my body. That's alright.
Doesn't mean that other exciting things are not happening. That does actually mean that I am more available for responding to opportunities that present themselves. When I'm not also sort of flailing in the chaos of fear. My brain sometimes when it's really scared and fearful likes to boss me around, it likes to send me on a lot high volume, amount of detailed jobs that don't really add up too much at all. But they do take a lot of energy and time.
So not figuring it out is is definitely an okay thing here in our book, you don't have to figure it out. This was true in the recovery rooms as well, like you don't have to figure it out, it will be presented. Whatever path forward is something that you can search for your own nudges from the inside. And then you can nurture yourself through them, walk through them.
This was not the language of recovery rooms by the way. But that is my language now. So what is required is is you deciding you deciding that okay, I'm going to participate and learn this new thing about what my insides are telling me what is my inner wisdom where if I have a sense that my cocoons too tight, then where can I make a start in terms of emerging from it?
Where is that and being quiet and attentive to yourself enough to identify the exact correct place for you to begin this really is not about the brain or figuring it out. The only part about that is is really necessary and I wouldn't even argue that deciding making a decision is only partially attributed to the brain, I'm going to suggest that maybe there's a knowing that is in your heart, or in your gut, or somewhere in your body. That is saying, Hey, I think we have to move through this. Or I've outgrown this, not in a way that is arrogant, but in a way that is resonant.
You're gonna know your truth when you hear it. This is also learnable. Because I didn't always understand what my body was saying. But a lot of times, I would just shut it down because it was inconvenient. And I told myself, I didn't have time. So what I was saying was, I don't have time for me. I have to do all this stuff on the outside. I don't have time for my inside, when what's inside is actually reflected to you on your outsides.
So working with yourself, is the way to begin to bring about the external changes that you really do desire. without fear, without flailing, without chaos. And without wreckage. Like when I was reacting based in fear, there was a lot of wreckage to jobs, and friendships and relationships and messes I made and I wasn't paying attention in some cases. So I got some speeding tickets. Like I really created some circumstances, that were also unpleasant. But that created more work, for me to give more reaction to, to get more fearful about to stay in fear about.
And so emergence is, is really it's conceptually different. And it's also transformative, energetically different. Making decisions from a place that is not only in your brain and doesn't only believe what your brain is telling you. Like me not making decisions from what, like all that my brain is telling me my Bossy, Bossy, fearful brain. That's a relief. That's where some peace can get in as well.
So if you're feeling like oh, I need to move on from something at some point, whether it's, you're just getting an awareness of it, or you are noticing where your current living situation is too tight. Or you're in a space of, I just can't do it like this anymore. You're on the cusp of emergence. And you don't have to figure it out. But you can decide that you're all in, that you're going forward. That you're not going to argue with what is being presented in terms of your truth. This is too tight, it doesn't feel good anymore. I don't feel spaciousness. I need to learn something new or have a different experience. This is expansion. It's actually beautiful. And it's an opportunity.
So thank you for being with me as we move through and figure out together There I said it, but did you hear me I said figured out where we discover what emergence is and what it's about. I'm going to suggest again that hey, would you be willing to listen for your inside nudges? Would you be willing to nurture yourself and not bully yourself into responding rather than reacting?
I'm curious about what that experiment might bring about for you. And I would love to hear it please leave some comments. Your review would be so appreciated. So so appreciated. I hope you have a delightful delicious week. And I look forward to talking with you again very soon. But bye for now. Okay, bye.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you are finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings.
So this includes reactivity, this includes distraction, this includes numbing out. It includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available.
I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported.
