Episode 13: On Not Knowing How Emergence from Grief Is Gonna Happen
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Emergence Coach Wendy Sloneker knows that waiting is hard. Thoughts of What happens next? What if…? can be overwhelming and take over our brains. Wendy has practiced taking the unconscious discomfort of not knowing what might happen next and bringing it into the conscious thought of staying open to what’s possible.
This is where your Emergence journey can begin. Wendy encourages us to pay attention to opportunities to get into a new way of thinking. It’s not possible to know how things will play out. The constant you CAN count on is that there will be times in your life where you must navigate feelings of grief and loss. |
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Wendy can help you find tools and gain skills to walk your Emergence journey with support. If you are ready for that step, book your complimentary 45-minute consultation to find the support you need. Learn more at wendysloneker.com.
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You are listening to the Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles with Wendy Sloneker. This, in fact, is episode 13. And I'm feeling lucky and fortunate and bewildered. Honestly, I feel like I can share this with you, we probably have a couple things in common, but especially the one that I'm going to talk about today.
Honestly, not knowing how the next step or the healing is going to happen. I was working on a little bit of inside work. It is something I do with my clients. But it is also something that helps me with my own thoughts and feelings management. And I came up with like, the thing I'm working on happens to be a goal, it's kind of a big one, it's a little bit intimidating. And the thought that came up was, I honestly don't know how that is gonna happen. Just for those of you who are listening and heard that truck go by, yeah, I got some trucks going by here in my apartment. I think it's going to be in the 80s. Today. I know I'm digressing. But the house is open while it can be open. And that does mean some street noise we live above a store and should gets delivered. So there's that.
But honestly, not knowing how that is going to happen, this goal. And when I sat with it, and broke it down just a little bit, it didn't take very long. But my subconscious thought was, since I honestly don't know how this is gonna come about, I want it I desire it, it happens to be a goal I'm working with, with a fair amount of visibility with a group that I'm in.
But the overall feeling that came up from that thought was, it was down it was contracted, I wasn't sure exactly how to describe it in one feeling word if you're familiar with Brooke Castillo as model. And so I just use down, but since I don't know how it's gonna happen, the thought error here that I arrived at was, since I don't know how it's gonna happen, that means it won't happen. Anyone? This is the equivalent of emotional cash prizes, this awareness, this understanding, oh, why do I think that if I don't know how to do it, that it's not going to happen at all. There were plenty things that I didn't know, were going to happen that did.
For a while I wasn't exactly sure which college I was going to I wasn't exactly sure what car I would be driving. There was a time where I didn't know what grade point average I was going to graduate with from high school or college that happened more than once.
And so looking at the thought error, which is unconscious, but everything that's unconscious wants to be made conscious. Since I didn't know how it was going to happen. I assumed and then believed much to my own pain and suffering that it wouldn't happen. The assumption was in the belief was, Oh, I better not hope I better not act on it. Because what happens when you're feeling down and not knowing and then assuming that you're not going to make it through it now. I want you to just try it on with wherever you're at with your biggest obstacle.
Do you 100% With full surety know how this healing or this navigation is going to actually go down bit by bit particle by particle moment by moment. It's not possible. Spoiler. It's not possible. We can't know it all. That's not our job, figuring it out is not our job either. We can find out. We can try some stuff and find out by doing.
But we aren't going to know this. Getting to the other side. This emergence journey is 100% more about out being honored or so percent less about doing much to like the chagrin, like feel free to feel it that is real. We were sold a bill of goods around. Like, if we were doing enough if we were if we had the right strategy, if we sent it the right time, then it would all be happening. It's not. That's not That's not it. If that was it, it will be happening a lot more than there'll be a lot less pain, there'd be a lot more peace. That's not how it works.
So I kind of played with it. And just to show you my work, since I had an unconscious thought I wanted to see if I could redirect into a conscious feeling. Now the goal is still the same circumstances still the same, the thought is still actually the same, but I changed it a little bit. So the thought I changed to was I honestly don't know how this is gonna happen. And I don't need to know.
This may be totally exasperating. Me. Damnit, Wendy, what? Yeah, I don't need to know, I need to pay attention. I don't, it's it's okay, that I don't know how it's going to come about. But not having to know, means it's also completely possible.
I did end up graduating a couple times. I didn't end up finding a car, I did end up doing stuff that I didn't know how was going to come about or how I was going to do it. So what happens is, I feel a little bit more open with the thought of I honestly don't know how this goal is gonna happen. And I don't need to know how I feel a little more open, bought in curious, I have a resonance are remembering around. That's right. I don't have to know how I am here to show up. I said what I wanted. I'm gonna pay attention for the opportunities to do that. And I get to do that with this new way of there's a little bit more lightness involves there's a little bit more room for me to move. I don't have to feel like 100% perky. No, I can feel okay, I can feel good. I can feel like above average, this is all better than you know the E or thought the E or unconscious thought of since I don't know it won't happen.
No, that's, that's actually an error in my unconscious thinking, that part of my brain that's just trying to keep me alive on the planet doesn't necessarily mean I'm happy and thrilled. It just wants me alive, breathing, that sort of like the survival, the primitive. How would like a manual upgrade in order to feel better and expect more and enjoy the process, which means my life a little bit more moment by moment.
I create new results even with this sort of modification of not having like, actually, I prefer to believe that I don't have to know how it's going to happen. I can pay attention for supports life is always changing, there's always going to be something new in a time of grief or loss, I want to acknowledge and affirm that it may not feel that way at all fair 100% fair. And you may be running on a lot of unconscious or subconscious thoughts. Because that is also kind of a coping mechanism. You are maybe feeling emotionally wounded, are emotionally healing and may not have you know the energy or resources readily available in your body you have the capability honestly that right now. But the resources to support it maybe overdone a little bit or being taken up by a need for rest a need for distraction you it may take a little bit more energy to just make sense of what it is that you're going through. That's fair. That's fair.
I will also say that support in a time of grief, change, transition transformation up grade is a thing. Grief coaching is a thing, emergent coaching, totally a thing. That's what I do. And you're invited to spend a 45 minute life changing, call with me. Find our time in my scheduler and book it. Let's go.
You don't have to do this by yourself. You have not been taught how to do this. This is the work I do daily for myself with myself. So I can be prepared to do this with my clients. No, you don't have to know how it's actually perfect that you don't know how it's going to happen. Because then you're not waiting for what's going on in your brain to show up outside of your human self. To show up in your awareness.
You're actually gonna go out and try some stuff, small things, gentle things, doable things at your own pace. And that can be a more enjoyable process. Certainly more than it is right now. I tell I say a lot that. Yeah, I don't like waiting. But I sure do. Spend a lot of time doing it when I don't manage my thoughts and feelings.
Okay, I'm thinking of you. This is what I've found so far. Love to just like throw my little chicken wing around. Yeah. And invite you along to the journey. Let's link up arms. And, and keep going. Sounds good. Thinking of you, sending you and beaming you all the love and support. Stay tuned and I'll talk to you again next week. Okay, bye for now. Goodbye for now.
Listen, this is not the destination. The hard stuff is already hard enough. You don't have to make it any harder. You also don't have to wait. Waiting is optional. Connect with me for your free 45 minute, connection calm. We're gonna talk about what private confidential grief coaching into emergence is like and whether or not that's right for you. This is your move. This is your precious life. Let's do this thing. Let's do it together. Okay, looking forward to meeting you and I'll talk to you real soon.
You are listening to the Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles with Wendy Sloneker. This, in fact, is episode 13. And I'm feeling lucky and fortunate and bewildered. Honestly, I feel like I can share this with you, we probably have a couple things in common, but especially the one that I'm going to talk about today.
Honestly, not knowing how the next step or the healing is going to happen. I was working on a little bit of inside work. It is something I do with my clients. But it is also something that helps me with my own thoughts and feelings management. And I came up with like, the thing I'm working on happens to be a goal, it's kind of a big one, it's a little bit intimidating. And the thought that came up was, I honestly don't know how that is gonna happen. Just for those of you who are listening and heard that truck go by, yeah, I got some trucks going by here in my apartment. I think it's going to be in the 80s. Today. I know I'm digressing. But the house is open while it can be open. And that does mean some street noise we live above a store and should gets delivered. So there's that.
But honestly, not knowing how that is going to happen, this goal. And when I sat with it, and broke it down just a little bit, it didn't take very long. But my subconscious thought was, since I honestly don't know how this is gonna come about, I want it I desire it, it happens to be a goal I'm working with, with a fair amount of visibility with a group that I'm in.
But the overall feeling that came up from that thought was, it was down it was contracted, I wasn't sure exactly how to describe it in one feeling word if you're familiar with Brooke Castillo as model. And so I just use down, but since I don't know how it's gonna happen, the thought error here that I arrived at was, since I don't know how it's gonna happen, that means it won't happen. Anyone? This is the equivalent of emotional cash prizes, this awareness, this understanding, oh, why do I think that if I don't know how to do it, that it's not going to happen at all. There were plenty things that I didn't know, were going to happen that did.
For a while I wasn't exactly sure which college I was going to I wasn't exactly sure what car I would be driving. There was a time where I didn't know what grade point average I was going to graduate with from high school or college that happened more than once.
And so looking at the thought error, which is unconscious, but everything that's unconscious wants to be made conscious. Since I didn't know how it was going to happen. I assumed and then believed much to my own pain and suffering that it wouldn't happen. The assumption was in the belief was, Oh, I better not hope I better not act on it. Because what happens when you're feeling down and not knowing and then assuming that you're not going to make it through it now. I want you to just try it on with wherever you're at with your biggest obstacle.
Do you 100% With full surety know how this healing or this navigation is going to actually go down bit by bit particle by particle moment by moment. It's not possible. Spoiler. It's not possible. We can't know it all. That's not our job, figuring it out is not our job either. We can find out. We can try some stuff and find out by doing.
But we aren't going to know this. Getting to the other side. This emergence journey is 100% more about out being honored or so percent less about doing much to like the chagrin, like feel free to feel it that is real. We were sold a bill of goods around. Like, if we were doing enough if we were if we had the right strategy, if we sent it the right time, then it would all be happening. It's not. That's not That's not it. If that was it, it will be happening a lot more than there'll be a lot less pain, there'd be a lot more peace. That's not how it works.
So I kind of played with it. And just to show you my work, since I had an unconscious thought I wanted to see if I could redirect into a conscious feeling. Now the goal is still the same circumstances still the same, the thought is still actually the same, but I changed it a little bit. So the thought I changed to was I honestly don't know how this is gonna happen. And I don't need to know.
This may be totally exasperating. Me. Damnit, Wendy, what? Yeah, I don't need to know, I need to pay attention. I don't, it's it's okay, that I don't know how it's going to come about. But not having to know, means it's also completely possible.
I did end up graduating a couple times. I didn't end up finding a car, I did end up doing stuff that I didn't know how was going to come about or how I was going to do it. So what happens is, I feel a little bit more open with the thought of I honestly don't know how this goal is gonna happen. And I don't need to know how I feel a little more open, bought in curious, I have a resonance are remembering around. That's right. I don't have to know how I am here to show up. I said what I wanted. I'm gonna pay attention for the opportunities to do that. And I get to do that with this new way of there's a little bit more lightness involves there's a little bit more room for me to move. I don't have to feel like 100% perky. No, I can feel okay, I can feel good. I can feel like above average, this is all better than you know the E or thought the E or unconscious thought of since I don't know it won't happen.
No, that's, that's actually an error in my unconscious thinking, that part of my brain that's just trying to keep me alive on the planet doesn't necessarily mean I'm happy and thrilled. It just wants me alive, breathing, that sort of like the survival, the primitive. How would like a manual upgrade in order to feel better and expect more and enjoy the process, which means my life a little bit more moment by moment.
I create new results even with this sort of modification of not having like, actually, I prefer to believe that I don't have to know how it's going to happen. I can pay attention for supports life is always changing, there's always going to be something new in a time of grief or loss, I want to acknowledge and affirm that it may not feel that way at all fair 100% fair. And you may be running on a lot of unconscious or subconscious thoughts. Because that is also kind of a coping mechanism. You are maybe feeling emotionally wounded, are emotionally healing and may not have you know the energy or resources readily available in your body you have the capability honestly that right now. But the resources to support it maybe overdone a little bit or being taken up by a need for rest a need for distraction you it may take a little bit more energy to just make sense of what it is that you're going through. That's fair. That's fair.
I will also say that support in a time of grief, change, transition transformation up grade is a thing. Grief coaching is a thing, emergent coaching, totally a thing. That's what I do. And you're invited to spend a 45 minute life changing, call with me. Find our time in my scheduler and book it. Let's go.
You don't have to do this by yourself. You have not been taught how to do this. This is the work I do daily for myself with myself. So I can be prepared to do this with my clients. No, you don't have to know how it's actually perfect that you don't know how it's going to happen. Because then you're not waiting for what's going on in your brain to show up outside of your human self. To show up in your awareness.
You're actually gonna go out and try some stuff, small things, gentle things, doable things at your own pace. And that can be a more enjoyable process. Certainly more than it is right now. I tell I say a lot that. Yeah, I don't like waiting. But I sure do. Spend a lot of time doing it when I don't manage my thoughts and feelings.
Okay, I'm thinking of you. This is what I've found so far. Love to just like throw my little chicken wing around. Yeah. And invite you along to the journey. Let's link up arms. And, and keep going. Sounds good. Thinking of you, sending you and beaming you all the love and support. Stay tuned and I'll talk to you again next week. Okay, bye for now. Goodbye for now.
Listen, this is not the destination. The hard stuff is already hard enough. You don't have to make it any harder. You also don't have to wait. Waiting is optional. Connect with me for your free 45 minute, connection calm. We're gonna talk about what private confidential grief coaching into emergence is like and whether or not that's right for you. This is your move. This is your precious life. Let's do this thing. Let's do it together. Okay, looking forward to meeting you and I'll talk to you real soon.
