Episode 12: Crawling Back Into My Life Post-Covid
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Emergence Coach Wendy Sloneker finds parallels and life lessons in all life throws at her, even having COVID!
In this episode, we learn how life’s biggest obstacles are determined by what’s happening to you in any given moment. And in this moment, for Wendy, it is recovering from being sick. Our bodies have so-called “factory settings,” and what you need is what you need. So give yourself grace in the moments when your body needs rest your brain doesn’t want to give it. Or when what you need takes time your brain is sure you don’t have. |
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Notice your capacity, even when your brain tries to speak louder than your body. Put your energy where it serves you, even that is giving yourself rest and slowing down. And know it’s enough, because it is.
If you’re ready, and it feels like the next right thing, Wendy would love to support you. Find out more about Emergence on her website wendysloneker.com or visit goinginside.me for more on her group coaching program.
If you’re ready, and it feels like the next right thing, Wendy would love to support you. Find out more about Emergence on her website wendysloneker.com or visit goinginside.me for more on her group coaching program.
As seen on: |
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You are listening to the Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode something, not because I can't be bothered to look it up, but because I can't seem to retain the number in my head.
Welcome. Oh my goodness, it's been a few weeks. And I would love to tell you that I've been, you know, somewhere beautiful and epic. And that would just be a lie. I've had a really nasty case of COVID, which I got while just before I was traveling, and the symptoms became undeniable. My second night in New York City. So I spent a few days like attending via zoom, a Mastermind in New York City from flat on my back in a hotel room.
I don't say this. So you like feel bad or feel sorry, this was the first time I've ever had COVID. And it's what happened. So I want to talk about emergence from COVID. Because it's similar to other kinds of emergence from other challenging life events, honestly. And now that I'm back to 87%, not quite 100. But 87%, it feels miraculous.
My wife and partner cut COVID as well, sorry, babe. But the other day, she was at 9%. And now like, in one day, she had taken the leap to 22%. Bit by bit and better and better now. It's never going to feel fast enough, or normal enough, or back to normal enough. For a certain part of our brain. This is a commonality, this really has to do with the basic factory settings on our human wiring.
Honestly, honestly, there were days where, I couldn't take a shower, I didn't have the energy, what else was happening was I didn't have an appetite. And so my entire physical body and multiple systems, they're in more depleted minerally, nutritionally, energetically, emotionally, there was depletion, because I wasn't feeding and fueling my body. And that just translated.
So I was in a pretty weakened state for the several weeks. And it was not pleasant. It was not fun. It was, but it did happen. So this is also similar to when people are going through what they're going through. And again, just to remind you and recognize and remember that life's biggest obstacle is determined by you, it's the biggest challenge that you are navigating or dealing with, in any given moment.
Comparison is not going to help us here. This is about taking care of ourselves and connecting with ourselves so that we got us, I've gotten me, you've 100%. You were born with all the capabilities of navigating tough, emotional and shadow seasons, but you haven't been taught how. So I just really wanted to relate like my emergence from COVID as an illness, with with other kinds of losses not to compare, but just to draw a parallel, what's in common here, our basic human wiring factory settings on the brain, and also how we're conditioned to navigate grief and loss.
So and coming out of an illness or being in an illness or being recently diagnosed with an illness, or a chronic condition. 100% the things that I lost or that went away during my bout of this illness was, physical strength and stamina. I didn't have it. I had brain fog, which I understand could be similar to a state of baby brain. I, I don't have that experience, but I do have experience of menopause brain and grief brain. These are the spaces and times where we can't really seem to hold our attention not because we don't want to but because the capacity is being utilized by other forms of healing, physical healing, spiritual energetic emotional healing. These take resources.
So if you're in a space where one of your like biggest obstacles in life or challenges in life mean that you are experiencing fog, hazy brain, unfocused, distractible energy, this is 100%, right on time. These are natural resources being used for your healing and integration, it could be that you are exhausted. I certainly was. And rest is a time of integration. Rest is also a time where like, we kind of upgrade, and our systems and bodies can settle into rest and the parasympathetic nervous system. So that energy or worry energy, like worry, energy, like anxiety, energy, like overwhelm can be calmer when we are unconscious, asleep. Also, resting or bored.
A lot of people clients will tell me, yeah, I'm just laying here, I'm not doing anything. I'm like, well, your body is at work. And if you don't have the energy for anything else, you're doing exactly what you need to be doing. Even if you're bored. Because the body needs what the body needs. And honestly, this is reinforced. I've said it for years, but it's now reinforced to yet again, my body is always going to win. She's going to win. Ultimately, she's going to win. I have other stories, demonstrating this. But in terms of, yeah, rest is the only thing I can really do today. I don't have to love it. But I can accept that minimal stamina is in the house. And when I say in the house, I mean in my body.
So coming back, like I mentioned earlier on, it's never going to be fast enough for a certain part of your brain. This is 100% Okay, you may have because I have a critical part of my inner dialogue that hurries me and bullies me and pushes me in cajoles or chides, or scolds this part of the factory settings. This is part of how my brain wants to be sure that I am part of my tribe, meaning my people in the world don't want to be left behind I want us to it's ancient, it's ancestral, it's 1000s of years old, the factory settings on the human brain, like have not been upgraded in a long time. This is why manual upgrades, manual overrides are something that I teach thoughts and feelings, management 100% thoughts appear in our brain, feelings appear in our body, and we experience that sensation, or we reinforce or choose to change, pause and change, a belief that we examine.
Reminder, a thought is a sentence that you say in your brain, a belief is a thought that's been repeated many, many, many times until you believe that it is true. It's just a sentence or a phrase in your mind. We repeat it, we've been taught to do it. It's part of how we think there's nothing wrong here. The content and what we actually choose to think, is part of like we have not been taught that.
We can choose what we think and how we think a lot of beliefs have been passed on into down generation after generation without examination. There's nothing wrong here with that either. Until and unless you want to change it or it's not working for you. I used to have the thought and belief and the reinforcement and the evidence that I didn't have enough time. Because I was constantly telling myself I didn't have enough time.
What I did was decide that that was no longer working for me. I did not want to prove myself right about that. I did not want my reticular activating system. Also part of your factory settings. Congratulations. Already installed. I wanted my whole self to look for ways and evidence and examples of how I do have enough time.
Coming out of COVID Was it fast enough for that certain part of my brain? No, it was not. Did I still work with myself and tell myself that I had enough time? Yes, I did. It this is part of a systems upgrade that we do consciously. Don't always have to love it. Coming out of COVID is no joke. And it can feel like coming out of grief and loss, there was another part of coming out of this illness out of this temporary condition for me, where I kind of didn't know where I left my life.
I had been away so long, and I didn't realize how much we do in a day, how much we do in a week, all the details, all the decisions. And I felt like those several weeks, three weeks, were like the equivalent of five years or three years. Where did I leave myself? Where did I leave my life? Who am I coming back into? It felt like there were pieces that were stale that had fallen away, some stuff had definitely fallen through the cracks. And I was left to assess and try to find with limited energy and focus. Where Where am I? I've missed me. And I've missed my life. And now I'm coming back in. But I don't exactly know how to do that. Where to start with that. And so here's what I did. And here's what I'm still doing. Because like I mentioned 87%.
What I did was I just gave myself a little bit of time, in a present moment, where I was ready to do some small thing. I had enough energy that I wanted to spend it on coming back into my life. And it was not large. It was not epic. It was not anything that was pretty much outside my house for the first five days. And it was what would be the most loving thing for me to do next. And sometimes it was like washing my face. And sometimes it was brushing my teeth. And sometimes it was remembering to have a snack. And sometimes it was I think I need some water or I think I need a drink. What does my body need? What is the most loving thing I can give my body? What is the most loving thing I can do for myself? Oh, do I need another rest? I honestly like I love books. And I love reading. And I still haven't picked up a book because I just don't have the focus or attention in my body to give it. I don't have it yet.
Am I ready yet? I'm going to know I'm going to ask myself and check in and then I'm going to trust that the response I receive is the right one. Do I ask multiple times a day because I'm impatient? Is this as you you're not alone? Do I want to be ready to read like a paragraph? Yes, absolutely. Am I going to be thrilled and happy when I do? Yes. But do I want to be able to read like a page and retain it and love it and enjoy it? Yeah. So that's kind of what I'm waiting for.
Now, you may hear a little bit of a low grade hum going on. I am recording this from the minivan. I've taken myself and I've parked in front of a beautiful view of the sound. And I'm actually able to see some of the West Seattle fairies going back and forth or the Seattle ferry system shout out. So it's calming, it's soothing. I love being out of the house for a few minutes. I love recording here with you and for you.
I feel like I'm reconnecting with you. That's a whole other thing for the business owners in my audience, like being ready and available for your life is a lot different than being ready and available for your business. And so you're going to know and you get to trust that what you can do and what you're available for is the next right thing. That's all I'm looking for is the next right thing. That part of your brain may tell you it's not enough. That's okay.
I have like people telling me and that part of my brain telling me it's not enough. You may have had people in your life or a toddler telling you it's not enough. Like sometimes that part of my brain feels like my own inner toddler. That's okay. It's just worried. It wants to participate and wants to be a part of the crowd. It wants to be accepted and belong. And honestly when you're coming back from any life event Are you felt grief loss, change a shadow season? This is about giving yourself grace. And saying, Yeah, I'm gonna work with me and what I actually have and what's right for me what's best for me, for me, it meant, okay, I'm out of the house for a few minutes to record this and I'm gonna take myself somewhere beautiful and lovely to be with you. It's enough. That's the other thing I get to say is to that part of my brain, that ancient part that is so scared that we're gonna die. Not that we're going to be happy, not that we're going to be unhappy, but it's really on scan and threat alert for what the bear the poison berries, the you know, like that sort of stuff. So ancient stuff that doesn't really fit in modern society or culture in many ways.
Not to say you might, you know, encounter a bear, my parents are camping in Klamath County area. And bears are a real thing there. So I say that with love and with the understanding that I'm coming to you from a city where the bears are safe and in their environments in the Woodland Park Zoo. I get to tell myself, it is enough. That I have enough for today, for these moments is it always going to be like this, it is not.
An emergence from grief and loss means exactly that. We're not going to hurry, we're not going to bully ourselves out of what is true and real. But this is about working with ourselves. I'm still doing it. And I'm coming to realizations, post COVID, post first, first time COVID Catch her that this is again, what my physical body and whole self need in order to be available for my life. This is also what creates more energy, more time, more spaciousness. I'm so glad you're here with me. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being on your journey. And tuning in. As we share the past such good work, such good work, really, really brave work that you are doing. It counts when we count it. I'm gonna count it for you. In case you can't count it yourself. Okay, delighted to be back. I'm gonna go lay down. After I drive home, we're gonna drive home and go lay down. Okay, I'm thinking of you by friends.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my going in fine.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway.
We humans take most of our actions based on feelings. So this includes reactivity. This includes distraction, this includes numbing out. It includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported. Now.
You are listening to the Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode something, not because I can't be bothered to look it up, but because I can't seem to retain the number in my head.
Welcome. Oh my goodness, it's been a few weeks. And I would love to tell you that I've been, you know, somewhere beautiful and epic. And that would just be a lie. I've had a really nasty case of COVID, which I got while just before I was traveling, and the symptoms became undeniable. My second night in New York City. So I spent a few days like attending via zoom, a Mastermind in New York City from flat on my back in a hotel room.
I don't say this. So you like feel bad or feel sorry, this was the first time I've ever had COVID. And it's what happened. So I want to talk about emergence from COVID. Because it's similar to other kinds of emergence from other challenging life events, honestly. And now that I'm back to 87%, not quite 100. But 87%, it feels miraculous.
My wife and partner cut COVID as well, sorry, babe. But the other day, she was at 9%. And now like, in one day, she had taken the leap to 22%. Bit by bit and better and better now. It's never going to feel fast enough, or normal enough, or back to normal enough. For a certain part of our brain. This is a commonality, this really has to do with the basic factory settings on our human wiring.
Honestly, honestly, there were days where, I couldn't take a shower, I didn't have the energy, what else was happening was I didn't have an appetite. And so my entire physical body and multiple systems, they're in more depleted minerally, nutritionally, energetically, emotionally, there was depletion, because I wasn't feeding and fueling my body. And that just translated.
So I was in a pretty weakened state for the several weeks. And it was not pleasant. It was not fun. It was, but it did happen. So this is also similar to when people are going through what they're going through. And again, just to remind you and recognize and remember that life's biggest obstacle is determined by you, it's the biggest challenge that you are navigating or dealing with, in any given moment.
Comparison is not going to help us here. This is about taking care of ourselves and connecting with ourselves so that we got us, I've gotten me, you've 100%. You were born with all the capabilities of navigating tough, emotional and shadow seasons, but you haven't been taught how. So I just really wanted to relate like my emergence from COVID as an illness, with with other kinds of losses not to compare, but just to draw a parallel, what's in common here, our basic human wiring factory settings on the brain, and also how we're conditioned to navigate grief and loss.
So and coming out of an illness or being in an illness or being recently diagnosed with an illness, or a chronic condition. 100% the things that I lost or that went away during my bout of this illness was, physical strength and stamina. I didn't have it. I had brain fog, which I understand could be similar to a state of baby brain. I, I don't have that experience, but I do have experience of menopause brain and grief brain. These are the spaces and times where we can't really seem to hold our attention not because we don't want to but because the capacity is being utilized by other forms of healing, physical healing, spiritual energetic emotional healing. These take resources.
So if you're in a space where one of your like biggest obstacles in life or challenges in life mean that you are experiencing fog, hazy brain, unfocused, distractible energy, this is 100%, right on time. These are natural resources being used for your healing and integration, it could be that you are exhausted. I certainly was. And rest is a time of integration. Rest is also a time where like, we kind of upgrade, and our systems and bodies can settle into rest and the parasympathetic nervous system. So that energy or worry energy, like worry, energy, like anxiety, energy, like overwhelm can be calmer when we are unconscious, asleep. Also, resting or bored.
A lot of people clients will tell me, yeah, I'm just laying here, I'm not doing anything. I'm like, well, your body is at work. And if you don't have the energy for anything else, you're doing exactly what you need to be doing. Even if you're bored. Because the body needs what the body needs. And honestly, this is reinforced. I've said it for years, but it's now reinforced to yet again, my body is always going to win. She's going to win. Ultimately, she's going to win. I have other stories, demonstrating this. But in terms of, yeah, rest is the only thing I can really do today. I don't have to love it. But I can accept that minimal stamina is in the house. And when I say in the house, I mean in my body.
So coming back, like I mentioned earlier on, it's never going to be fast enough for a certain part of your brain. This is 100% Okay, you may have because I have a critical part of my inner dialogue that hurries me and bullies me and pushes me in cajoles or chides, or scolds this part of the factory settings. This is part of how my brain wants to be sure that I am part of my tribe, meaning my people in the world don't want to be left behind I want us to it's ancient, it's ancestral, it's 1000s of years old, the factory settings on the human brain, like have not been upgraded in a long time. This is why manual upgrades, manual overrides are something that I teach thoughts and feelings, management 100% thoughts appear in our brain, feelings appear in our body, and we experience that sensation, or we reinforce or choose to change, pause and change, a belief that we examine.
Reminder, a thought is a sentence that you say in your brain, a belief is a thought that's been repeated many, many, many times until you believe that it is true. It's just a sentence or a phrase in your mind. We repeat it, we've been taught to do it. It's part of how we think there's nothing wrong here. The content and what we actually choose to think, is part of like we have not been taught that.
We can choose what we think and how we think a lot of beliefs have been passed on into down generation after generation without examination. There's nothing wrong here with that either. Until and unless you want to change it or it's not working for you. I used to have the thought and belief and the reinforcement and the evidence that I didn't have enough time. Because I was constantly telling myself I didn't have enough time.
What I did was decide that that was no longer working for me. I did not want to prove myself right about that. I did not want my reticular activating system. Also part of your factory settings. Congratulations. Already installed. I wanted my whole self to look for ways and evidence and examples of how I do have enough time.
Coming out of COVID Was it fast enough for that certain part of my brain? No, it was not. Did I still work with myself and tell myself that I had enough time? Yes, I did. It this is part of a systems upgrade that we do consciously. Don't always have to love it. Coming out of COVID is no joke. And it can feel like coming out of grief and loss, there was another part of coming out of this illness out of this temporary condition for me, where I kind of didn't know where I left my life.
I had been away so long, and I didn't realize how much we do in a day, how much we do in a week, all the details, all the decisions. And I felt like those several weeks, three weeks, were like the equivalent of five years or three years. Where did I leave myself? Where did I leave my life? Who am I coming back into? It felt like there were pieces that were stale that had fallen away, some stuff had definitely fallen through the cracks. And I was left to assess and try to find with limited energy and focus. Where Where am I? I've missed me. And I've missed my life. And now I'm coming back in. But I don't exactly know how to do that. Where to start with that. And so here's what I did. And here's what I'm still doing. Because like I mentioned 87%.
What I did was I just gave myself a little bit of time, in a present moment, where I was ready to do some small thing. I had enough energy that I wanted to spend it on coming back into my life. And it was not large. It was not epic. It was not anything that was pretty much outside my house for the first five days. And it was what would be the most loving thing for me to do next. And sometimes it was like washing my face. And sometimes it was brushing my teeth. And sometimes it was remembering to have a snack. And sometimes it was I think I need some water or I think I need a drink. What does my body need? What is the most loving thing I can give my body? What is the most loving thing I can do for myself? Oh, do I need another rest? I honestly like I love books. And I love reading. And I still haven't picked up a book because I just don't have the focus or attention in my body to give it. I don't have it yet.
Am I ready yet? I'm going to know I'm going to ask myself and check in and then I'm going to trust that the response I receive is the right one. Do I ask multiple times a day because I'm impatient? Is this as you you're not alone? Do I want to be ready to read like a paragraph? Yes, absolutely. Am I going to be thrilled and happy when I do? Yes. But do I want to be able to read like a page and retain it and love it and enjoy it? Yeah. So that's kind of what I'm waiting for.
Now, you may hear a little bit of a low grade hum going on. I am recording this from the minivan. I've taken myself and I've parked in front of a beautiful view of the sound. And I'm actually able to see some of the West Seattle fairies going back and forth or the Seattle ferry system shout out. So it's calming, it's soothing. I love being out of the house for a few minutes. I love recording here with you and for you.
I feel like I'm reconnecting with you. That's a whole other thing for the business owners in my audience, like being ready and available for your life is a lot different than being ready and available for your business. And so you're going to know and you get to trust that what you can do and what you're available for is the next right thing. That's all I'm looking for is the next right thing. That part of your brain may tell you it's not enough. That's okay.
I have like people telling me and that part of my brain telling me it's not enough. You may have had people in your life or a toddler telling you it's not enough. Like sometimes that part of my brain feels like my own inner toddler. That's okay. It's just worried. It wants to participate and wants to be a part of the crowd. It wants to be accepted and belong. And honestly when you're coming back from any life event Are you felt grief loss, change a shadow season? This is about giving yourself grace. And saying, Yeah, I'm gonna work with me and what I actually have and what's right for me what's best for me, for me, it meant, okay, I'm out of the house for a few minutes to record this and I'm gonna take myself somewhere beautiful and lovely to be with you. It's enough. That's the other thing I get to say is to that part of my brain, that ancient part that is so scared that we're gonna die. Not that we're going to be happy, not that we're going to be unhappy, but it's really on scan and threat alert for what the bear the poison berries, the you know, like that sort of stuff. So ancient stuff that doesn't really fit in modern society or culture in many ways.
Not to say you might, you know, encounter a bear, my parents are camping in Klamath County area. And bears are a real thing there. So I say that with love and with the understanding that I'm coming to you from a city where the bears are safe and in their environments in the Woodland Park Zoo. I get to tell myself, it is enough. That I have enough for today, for these moments is it always going to be like this, it is not.
An emergence from grief and loss means exactly that. We're not going to hurry, we're not going to bully ourselves out of what is true and real. But this is about working with ourselves. I'm still doing it. And I'm coming to realizations, post COVID, post first, first time COVID Catch her that this is again, what my physical body and whole self need in order to be available for my life. This is also what creates more energy, more time, more spaciousness. I'm so glad you're here with me. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being on your journey. And tuning in. As we share the past such good work, such good work, really, really brave work that you are doing. It counts when we count it. I'm gonna count it for you. In case you can't count it yourself. Okay, delighted to be back. I'm gonna go lay down. After I drive home, we're gonna drive home and go lay down. Okay, I'm thinking of you by friends.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my going in fine.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway.
We humans take most of our actions based on feelings. So this includes reactivity. This includes distraction, this includes numbing out. It includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me. Go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported. Now.
