Episode 10: Establishing a Sense of Inside Safety
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It’s like a cage fight: inside tyranny vs inside safety, duking it out to take control of your sense of self. Feeling safe within yourself is an option; you can achieve it, you can maintain it, but you may need some new tools to get there and stay there. You can cultivate a sense of safety in your own skin, in your insides. It happens, Emergence Coach Wendy Sloneker tells us, when there’s contact between the body and the nervous system, each providing and receiving mutual support. But the sense of inside safety can be fragile and fleeting. There’s really no “figuring it out” for forever and ever, amen. You’ll need to return and listen and be aware, again and again. |
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If you’d like some help with that, Wendy would love to support you. Find out more about Emergence on her website wendysloneker.com or visit goinginside.me for more on her group coaching program.
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You are listening to the Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles with Wendy Sloneker. We have arrived at episode 10. Yay, cue the Kermit the Frog GIF where he's wildly wildly waving his arms and cheering. I believe that was originated at The Muppet Show, or probably more likely, on an episode of Sesame Street.
I bring it all with me. I bring it on with me. And it's actually apropos of today's topic, which is establishing a sense of inside safety. Or was working with a client just a little bit earlier this morning, around this very exact thing. And in my work that I do with high achievers, innovators and early adopters who are navigating a sense of or navigating a season of shadow, or grief, or loss or change, or really painful transformation. Yep. All those, we were doing exactly that. We were doing exactly that.
Cultivating a sense of inside safety. Now, does this mean that? Oh, wow, it's done inside safety off the list? No, what we've done is we've made contact, and it's powerful. And the body the nervous system, this being an inside job, the body and nervous system in my client get to catch up a little bit with support. And with this new information with this new probably pretty fragile. It was for me. It was for me a sense of inside safety. I'm gonna pause this just for a second. I'm hearing some landscaping, loud landscaping, not the quiet bonsai tree kind, the loud kind. So I'm gonna pause because I apologize also for last week's beeping and backups and all that. So hold one second BRB.
Okay, I'm back talk about in the moment. Oh, and seriously, my apologies. And my other things if you stuck around through all of that last episode, because episode nine had some significant beeps going on. I'm not doing that again. And thank you for understanding. So we're back to establishing a sense of safety from the inside.
Now, I understand the pole and the draw. The client that I was working with was really wanting to slow things down to be in nature. And to establish this sense of safety inside rather than a more reactive sort of like bolt and get things done, figure it out, go down the list, the urgency, the inside tyranny versus the inside safety. Let's just think about the contrast of that. And the fact that inside safety is an option. And one way you can be on to yourself is when you are noticing and noticing or aware of newly aware of inside tyranny which can feel bossy or snarky. Mine is when my quote unquote human gets involved versus my bigger sense of self. There's never enough there's never enough time there's never enough money. There's never enough love, from my sense of self. There's only an always those three things in perfect rotation in perfect balance, giving me exactly what I need before I need it. This is Safety inside and it's available.
So what do we do to cultivate this well one let me tell you what it is not it is not figuring it out. Our human are earthly human egoic is sometimes phrased in the gentlest and sweetest way possible that survival ego side wants to figure it out. It is urgent and demanding and insistent and there may be a sense of impending death. Yeah, totally. This feels real.
And our human self, our earthly self, that the survival ego is not going to be able to fathom a sense of safety inside. That's not what it was trained for. Millennia ago it was installed. And now we are learning to manually override that sense of demand. That immediate sense of I'm not okay with something deeper and more resonant. That assures, rather than insists, hey, it's already okay.
Inside safety is about feeling. The feeling like you are welcome here. That being here is safe, it's safe to be here, it's safe to walk the planet. It's safe to be seen and heard and loved. That's a bigger sense of self. That's capacity. That is also it's beyond confidence. It's knowing.
And I gotta share with you that I did not get here by myself. And it's a path I'm still walking. It's a path I'm still walking with more capacity, peace, and new knowing it actually makes it all exciting. Even the most painful and devastating parts. And you're human. I'm gonna call it the human, our human sides, our earthly human sides. They may be calling bullshit. Totally understand. Totally understand, cuz guess what I did? I super called BS. Heck yes, I did. And I kept calling it even though I wanted so much to believe the self that was nudging me forward my intuition that was guiding me toward and forward.
What if it could be possible? I played this game many times. And I'm going to offer it again, right here right now, the percents? What if it was .0006% Possible? I had to learn that it would still count. And then I could build on that. All those zeros, that fractional percent counts toward being enough.
And enough, continues to create more than enough. Why? Because that's its job. That's always been the way that's got to be some sort of universal law that I cannot quote right now. But emergence from life's biggest obstacles requires a sense of safety from the inside.
You can build on it and point 00 Like add 10 zeros. So I don't repeat myself. add however many zeros you want with whatever number you want, to the right of a decimal point. And it'll be enough to start from and then build on. That's its job. That's its job.
For us in establishing and creating that first contact with that sense of safety. What does that require? Being willing and present looking for it? This morning, my client, it was difficult to locate a sense of safety in the body in their body. So we installed some one that she felt comfortable with when that he knew all about changing all the pronouns around just sort of spreading it out. So we installed a sense of safety with their consent and their imagination and their higher selves guiding them to what that would look and feel like and we did make first contact and grief came up. It came forward to be released and I I'm so proud because they allowed those feelings to melt a little bit and to release. It was just gorgeous.
More questions came up, and more life comes up. And more love came up and more inquiry came up. They weren't doing it wrong at all. They were doing it 100%. In a way that was safe and right for them. And that's what I do. That's how I guide. That's what we move toward. Little by little momentum picks up quickly.
If you're eager or wandering, or you'd like to give your give your human a break from figuring it out. And to create by doing connect with me immediately. I'm in. But it's not up to me to be in. It's up to you. First, to be in on what this is on what this could mean for your life, for your family, for your friends, for your community.
You making this choice? Is you consciously expanding and increasing and inviting in more life for your own dear self. I can't wait. But I will. And I hope it's not too long, because you deserve this. Reach on out. I'm totally available for private one to one coaching that kicks supreme. But thinking of you, inside safety is available. So much love. And I'll talk to you soon. Bye bye.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings.
So this includes reactivity. This includes distraction, this includes numbing out. It includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported. Now.
You are listening to the Emergence from Life's Biggest Obstacles with Wendy Sloneker. We have arrived at episode 10. Yay, cue the Kermit the Frog GIF where he's wildly wildly waving his arms and cheering. I believe that was originated at The Muppet Show, or probably more likely, on an episode of Sesame Street.
I bring it all with me. I bring it on with me. And it's actually apropos of today's topic, which is establishing a sense of inside safety. Or was working with a client just a little bit earlier this morning, around this very exact thing. And in my work that I do with high achievers, innovators and early adopters who are navigating a sense of or navigating a season of shadow, or grief, or loss or change, or really painful transformation. Yep. All those, we were doing exactly that. We were doing exactly that.
Cultivating a sense of inside safety. Now, does this mean that? Oh, wow, it's done inside safety off the list? No, what we've done is we've made contact, and it's powerful. And the body the nervous system, this being an inside job, the body and nervous system in my client get to catch up a little bit with support. And with this new information with this new probably pretty fragile. It was for me. It was for me a sense of inside safety. I'm gonna pause this just for a second. I'm hearing some landscaping, loud landscaping, not the quiet bonsai tree kind, the loud kind. So I'm gonna pause because I apologize also for last week's beeping and backups and all that. So hold one second BRB.
Okay, I'm back talk about in the moment. Oh, and seriously, my apologies. And my other things if you stuck around through all of that last episode, because episode nine had some significant beeps going on. I'm not doing that again. And thank you for understanding. So we're back to establishing a sense of safety from the inside.
Now, I understand the pole and the draw. The client that I was working with was really wanting to slow things down to be in nature. And to establish this sense of safety inside rather than a more reactive sort of like bolt and get things done, figure it out, go down the list, the urgency, the inside tyranny versus the inside safety. Let's just think about the contrast of that. And the fact that inside safety is an option. And one way you can be on to yourself is when you are noticing and noticing or aware of newly aware of inside tyranny which can feel bossy or snarky. Mine is when my quote unquote human gets involved versus my bigger sense of self. There's never enough there's never enough time there's never enough money. There's never enough love, from my sense of self. There's only an always those three things in perfect rotation in perfect balance, giving me exactly what I need before I need it. This is Safety inside and it's available.
So what do we do to cultivate this well one let me tell you what it is not it is not figuring it out. Our human are earthly human egoic is sometimes phrased in the gentlest and sweetest way possible that survival ego side wants to figure it out. It is urgent and demanding and insistent and there may be a sense of impending death. Yeah, totally. This feels real.
And our human self, our earthly self, that the survival ego is not going to be able to fathom a sense of safety inside. That's not what it was trained for. Millennia ago it was installed. And now we are learning to manually override that sense of demand. That immediate sense of I'm not okay with something deeper and more resonant. That assures, rather than insists, hey, it's already okay.
Inside safety is about feeling. The feeling like you are welcome here. That being here is safe, it's safe to be here, it's safe to walk the planet. It's safe to be seen and heard and loved. That's a bigger sense of self. That's capacity. That is also it's beyond confidence. It's knowing.
And I gotta share with you that I did not get here by myself. And it's a path I'm still walking. It's a path I'm still walking with more capacity, peace, and new knowing it actually makes it all exciting. Even the most painful and devastating parts. And you're human. I'm gonna call it the human, our human sides, our earthly human sides. They may be calling bullshit. Totally understand. Totally understand, cuz guess what I did? I super called BS. Heck yes, I did. And I kept calling it even though I wanted so much to believe the self that was nudging me forward my intuition that was guiding me toward and forward.
What if it could be possible? I played this game many times. And I'm going to offer it again, right here right now, the percents? What if it was .0006% Possible? I had to learn that it would still count. And then I could build on that. All those zeros, that fractional percent counts toward being enough.
And enough, continues to create more than enough. Why? Because that's its job. That's always been the way that's got to be some sort of universal law that I cannot quote right now. But emergence from life's biggest obstacles requires a sense of safety from the inside.
You can build on it and point 00 Like add 10 zeros. So I don't repeat myself. add however many zeros you want with whatever number you want, to the right of a decimal point. And it'll be enough to start from and then build on. That's its job. That's its job.
For us in establishing and creating that first contact with that sense of safety. What does that require? Being willing and present looking for it? This morning, my client, it was difficult to locate a sense of safety in the body in their body. So we installed some one that she felt comfortable with when that he knew all about changing all the pronouns around just sort of spreading it out. So we installed a sense of safety with their consent and their imagination and their higher selves guiding them to what that would look and feel like and we did make first contact and grief came up. It came forward to be released and I I'm so proud because they allowed those feelings to melt a little bit and to release. It was just gorgeous.
More questions came up, and more life comes up. And more love came up and more inquiry came up. They weren't doing it wrong at all. They were doing it 100%. In a way that was safe and right for them. And that's what I do. That's how I guide. That's what we move toward. Little by little momentum picks up quickly.
If you're eager or wandering, or you'd like to give your give your human a break from figuring it out. And to create by doing connect with me immediately. I'm in. But it's not up to me to be in. It's up to you. First, to be in on what this is on what this could mean for your life, for your family, for your friends, for your community.
You making this choice? Is you consciously expanding and increasing and inviting in more life for your own dear self. I can't wait. But I will. And I hope it's not too long, because you deserve this. Reach on out. I'm totally available for private one to one coaching that kicks supreme. But thinking of you, inside safety is available. So much love. And I'll talk to you soon. Bye bye.
Listen, it's already hard enough. It's plenty hard enough. And support is available in my goinginside.me program. That is actually the web address as well. If you're finding that you would prefer to be more responsive and less reactive. This is the place for you. This may seem obvious, but I'll share it anyway. We humans take most of our actions based on feelings.
So this includes reactivity. This includes distraction, this includes numbing out. It includes all of it, mostly we just don't know how to do it. So goinginside.me is where we practice and normalize what's actually happening in your life and world. It's a group coaching program as well as a course of modules. This is available. I'd love for you to join me go to goinginside.me and check it out. You are 100% invited and you deserve to be supported. Now.
