Episode 69: Announcing the Shadow Side Leadership Series & Summit in May
Self Discovery and Finding Identity
Robin Keesler is an Identity and Self Discovery Coach and she is here with Grief Coach & Specialist Wendy Sloneker to share her own journey of self discovery and finding (and finding again) her identity. Robin believes that we all have the capacity to make change in the world by focusing on heart-centered leadership; which is each of us finding those little bits of joy and passing it on to expand the love in our world. The Journey of Self-Discovery Robin walks people through a process of self-discovery to work on personal identity. She aims to help you find the truth of who you are and how to come home to your true self. She teaches people radical self love, in ALL the moments. She can help you understand your attachment style, then she puts all of this together to show you how it has all been carried with you — to impact your life, your relationships, your business, and well, everything! |
The work is never done, but that is a good thing! So if you want to start (or continue) the work to discover yourself and understand your identity, join Robin (and Wendy) for the Shadow Side Leadership Series & Summit!
Get more information at shadowsideleadershipsummit.com where you can get info on all the coaches/presenters and register.
You are Invited:
Or if you are looking for support while you navigate through feelings of grief or loss, Wendy can help! Visit www.wendysloneker.com to learn more.
And if you are interested in Wendy’s group coaching program, Going Inside, find more information at goinginside.me.
Get more information at shadowsideleadershipsummit.com where you can get info on all the coaches/presenters and register.
You are Invited:
Or if you are looking for support while you navigate through feelings of grief or loss, Wendy can help! Visit www.wendysloneker.com to learn more.
And if you are interested in Wendy’s group coaching program, Going Inside, find more information at goinginside.me.
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
Hi, everybody, I'm so glad you are here. I have somebody extra awesome. Her name is Robin Keesler. And she is an identity coach and a self discovery coach. So I'm gonna let her talk a little bit more about that. But first, welcome, Robin.
Robin Keesler
Thank you, Wendy, I'm so happy to be here. Yes, as you said, so I do identity and self discovery coaching. I primarily work with women and entree leaders. And I help take them through a process of self discovery that includes a lot of working on their identity, what do you know, so I really help people discover like the truth of who they really are. And we go through a process of, of coming home to ourselves, we do a lot of radical self love, personal healing, attachment styles, helping people understand their attachment styles, how those attachment styles, and those belief systems and those identities that got put in place all those years ago, I've really been carried with them through their lives, and all the ways that that impacts their businesses, their relationships, as you know, you know, I had my own, like weight loss journey, you know, that kind of brought me into coaching, but like, I had all the things I had, you know, addiction, mental health, weight loss, binge eating, you know, just a shame, grief, pain, you know, all this stuff.
And I was just so trapped in this vortex of, I'm a worthless piece of garbage, and I don't know how to get out of it. And I realized in doing all of that work that yeah, really, that? What do you know, that belief about myself? Leaving a lot of impact in my life, and, and so, and the more that I've gone through these processes of healing and personal growth, and coaching and all the self discovery work that I've done, what I find actually to be so fascinating, is how we trick ourselves. Thinking that we're done.
Wendy
Oh, that's so hilarious and brutal. Yeah.
Robin
It'll happen and all of a sudden, I'm like, Am I coming up against this block? Why is it? Why is this not? Why am I frustrated? Why am I why am I anxious? Why is why is my business not working? relationships aren't working. And we think that we're all shiny and pretty, whatever. And it's not to say that you're not, but what I have experienced over and over again, is I'm like, Oh, shit, there it is, again, when I really start looking at it, I'm like, Oh, there's more healing to do.
Or it's that same wound that got triggered, and so that I go back through and have to, or want to do that process of really nurturing that part of me again, and coming back to love and coming back to releasing the old belief systems and stepping into returning to the truth of who I really am and surrounding myself, and then coming back again, to do the work. So yeah.
Wendy
I'm so glad that you mentioned something about like, I don't, you know, like, the idea of I get to, even if I don't want to like, yeah, it's hard. Like I have momentary tantrums all the time. And this is valid, like this gets to be real and a part of the journey because you know, you didn't do a lot of work. You have come all this way in to sort of have this thought or belief that Okay, done, you know, hands clapping all the dust off, and now we can move on to you know, the shiny, shiny.
And then we find another little piece of poo in the road to sweep out. So, yeah, I think temporary tantrums or momentary tantrums, and sometimes they'll last a day and sometimes they'll last a few minutes. Sometimes, like, I've been stuck for a few weeks, and this is okay. Like, there's no moral issue with this. But it's also optional. Optional optional, because the work is totally available. The healing is totally available. The thing is, we're the only ones who can do it for ourselves. Yeah, ultimately, yeah
Robin
Ultimately, we can have support, people can help support you encourage you guide you coaches, therapists, families, friends, you know, whatever, if you have good people in your life that do that for you, but the end of the day, we have to be the ones that are willing to say, okay, all right, let's go again.
Wendy
Yeah, I find it to be easier with support than without because, like, that's just that's been my experience too. So I'm so glad you're here and you know, it's so interesting around identity because Robin like one of the things that I talk about in in this realm is that identity is one of the intangible losses that we can experience when we lose something that is tangible. Like, if a relationship ends or a loved one dies or less than loved one dies, like there are identity shifts that totally happen and engage one, sometimes without our knowledge and two, sometimes without our consent, and three, just sometimes, like, because that we're ready to grow.
Right. So I love that you work and serve in this space. I would love to hear a little bit and I will also want to announce I'm so excited. The time of this podcast is airing is May the first which is the first day of Mental Health Awareness Month. Welcome. Welcome. Robin has been totally creating and collaborating to create something called the take it away. Robin.
Robin
Shadow Side Leadership Summit, yes. And using Yeah, it's that is the Shadow Side Leadership Summit is in fact, the grand finale event that we are going to be doing towards the end of May. So that that was actually a byproduct of what we're first doing, which maybe is what I should have led with leadership series. So we're doing a series first. That is also airing and beginning May 1. And with Wendy Sloneker, and a host of other life coaches
Wendy
So many amazing coaches.
Robin
So many amazing coaches have stepped forward to participate in this in this mental health, leadership, identity, all of that we're we're coming together to talk about these issues, and how they interplay and how we can support ourselves in all of this. And so my podcasts where these are going to be hosted is called the Identity Factor Podcast. And yes, and so Wendy’s interview will be on there, along with a bunch of other people just sharing our heart our stories, our journeys, our experiences, of around identity, and mental and emotional health and leadership and all of it what does this mean? And what do we want it to mean? And how do we? How do we care and nurture ourselves through these experiences, these identity shifts that create sometimes mental and emotional turmoil inside of us, and how do we balance all that and, and, and so that's what we're doing in the podcast series is having these conversations, some amazing interviews.
So definitely go check those out and just enjoy getting to know these amazing coaches, these amazing people. And then towards the end of May 19, through 21st, we're going to all be coming together inside a Facebook group community, and you guys are going to be able to participate in that throughout the entire month of May where we will be coming in there and coaching with you and giving value and just having community and connection all throughout that time. And then at the end of May, we're coming together for a live Summit. And we're gonna be talking about creating connection, and allowing joy in our lives allowing Joy along the journey, because joy is a mental health issue. Right connection is a mental health. Like it's all part of mental health.
Mental health is not just about mental illness, it's also about mentally thriving and emotionally thriving. It's that whole spectrum. So mental health is not about never having a breakdown. It's not about only being happy and never being sad. Not at all, it's about being able to open up your heart to all of it. And to be able to have that awareness to know where am I at right now? And is this what I want to where I want to be? And is there something I need? How do I nurture myself? How do I heal and support and then move into this other area of the spectrum and come back to Joy and come back to love and come back to connection? And then when I'm back in the trenches again, feeling depressed, or lonely or angry or sad, or whatever it is?
Can we say okay, yes, yes, this belongs, I'm willing to open to this and to go through that and just to navigate that journey more gracefully. So that's what the summit is going to be about is teaching you how to have that connection, that joy in that, that momentum in that impact in your life again, so a lot of amazing presenters. So you can sign up for that at shadowsideleadershipsummit.com. And there'll be a registration page there, but Wendy will tell you all about it, it's going to be all over the
Wendy
The links are going to be in the notes the whole thing I love the whole premise of having so many different voices, so many different professionals who are really zoning in on different specific aspects of mental health, like some of which, like you wouldn't, you wouldn't think would be part of but turns out they're a part of could I asked a little bit about the leadership element because like, sometimes what happens is that we hear leadership and we think, business owner or leader in a community or something like that, I would love to discuss the option of, what if you're kind of a leader in your family, or in your friend group or in your friend circle? When it comes to mental health, like sometimes we lead, and sometimes we follow? So what are your insights on that? Robin? What do you think about that in terms of this summit? And what would you recommend in terms of like, people allowing people to count themselves in rather than out? Based on the word leader?
Robin
Yeah. 100%. Yeah. When I, when I think about leadership, you know, it's, I do think that's something that happens a lot, right? Like people think about, you know, business owners, or CEOs or some other kind of, you know, maybe institutionalized position. And that can be one definition of a leader. But I think you're 100%, right, where it's like, leadership, I think, is something that happens in the heart. It's something that happens inside. And, and I think, when we talk, when I talk about the idea of leadership, and I specifically, talking about heart centered leadership, what that means to me when I think about what it means to be a leader, is and I think this applies to everyone, like if you're a human on this planet, I believe that you you are called to leadership, called to it each and every one of us because what I believe is that we are here on this earth, in this planet, to expand our universe, to spread the message of love, and joy and worthiness and identity and intend to hold up a mirror to the person in front of you, that says, This is the truth of who you really are, this year that you are beautiful, that you are worthy, that you belong.
And so if you are someone that is creating a sense of connection, and belonging and love, and if you are a person that is out there in the world, telling the barista that she has a beautiful smile, right? That is an act of leadership, in my opinion, because what you're doing is you are on the leading edge of expanding our universe, you're on the leading edge of changing the world.
And we change the world. One, one parent, one partner, one friend, one community at a time, there's so many, there's so many ways that you can step into that. Right. And so when I when I walk through the grocery store, and I see, you know, someone stocking the milk, and they got their air pods in and they're smiling, and they're be bopping along and they're singing and I can just see that joy emanating from them, they are engaging in leadership. They're being an example of what it means to live a life where you're alive. And you're living from that centered grounded identity that this is who I am, I am love made visible.
Wendy
I love the love expansion movement, that is yummy. And like, you know, no extroverted behavior required, it can be welcome, but like this can be, you know, you can say thank you and be a leader, because recognition is also a leading element, being seen and heard is a big, big deal. Yeah. So this is not only healing, but it is super loving. And it feels good to how did you come up with the idea to coordinate this whole summit? Because Whoa, that's a big gob project. Yeah. Who knew?
Robin
Turns out, right. It's like having you're starting a business or doing anything else. It's like, if you knew what it was gonna be like, in the beginning, you probably would have never done it. Right? No, that's not true for me, though, because I'm, I'm just a little bit jaded that way. I'm like, let's go. Um, no, I the reason the reason that this idea came into my brain is because I woke up one day laying in my bed, and when my eyes popped open, I went, Oh my gosh, what if I'm not the only one that has had or is having this experience that I have been going through?
So for the last few months prior to all of this happening really like January, February, March. I found myself profoundly triggered by some of the growth and success and opportunities that were in my coming into my life some things that I had been working on dreams that I had had for For a long time, six years, you know, and, and starting to work for the Life Coach School and like all this stuff that started happening all at the same time. And what I what I realized, I mean, not instantaneously, but eventually was that I was like what is happening because I just I felt this profound, just like sense of just, I mean, now, I guess I might call it like a profound fear, or something. But in the moment, I didn't know what it was, I just was feeling it right, if you ever had that experience, where there's something where you're just like, super activated, and you don't quite yet understand what it is, but you're just sort of in that autopilot mode. And it's like, you're kind of like this little ant on top of the hill working way. And then you realize that there's an elephant attached to your feet. And it's like taking you some direction that you're like, Whoa, where did that elephant come from?
Wendy
Is something happening?
Robin
My knowledge, the unconscious mind, right, but it's like an elephant underneath us. And we're the ant up here working away a little worker bee. And it's like, we don't realize that we have this huge elephant underneath our butts. That is our unconscious mind that has all kinds of memory in a sights and smells and, and emotion and beliefs and their stuff happening under there. And when that thing gets sent in a certain direction, that's the direction you're gonna go.
Wendy
You’re not gonna argue where you're going.
Robin
Yeah, and you're not going to stop it. Right. And so it's like, here we go. And so for me, as that was happening for me, I noticed myself, like binge eating again, which I hadn't done in like six years, I noticed myself just feeling really dysregulated. And I'm like, What in the hell is happening? What is going on here? And it took me a while to realize, okay, I get it. Like the beliefs again, that was underneath there. And, you know, there's, I can share that whole story of how that came up for me. But I noticed myself, I found myself needing to cry one night, and like, when I allow that, I was like, Okay, I don't remember if I shared this with you or not, but what I, when I was in Miami actually, for Work Hard, Play Hard. It was the end of that weekend, and I was just so ready to get to my quiet hotel room. And I was just like, just this was just a lot, right. And this has already been happening. So it's kind of like the straw that broke the camel's back for me.
And I got to my room, and it was quiet and it was like, kind of dark and cool in there. And I was like, Oh, my nervous system was like, thank you. And I like laid in that bed. And I just in that moment when everything got quiet, and still, that was when I could feel it like finally, like welling up and I could feel myself wanting to cry. And I was like, okay, so I just let myself cry. But what was interesting about it is that it it didn't feel like me, like I had this very odd awareness that this wasn't really me that was crying. It felt like a child. It felt very young. Like, interesting. It was like inside just was very curious, you know, pretty neutral. And I was like, Okay, it's like, who's who's in there? Yeah.
And when I, when I like, kind of asked that question, I was like, alright, it's okay, you can cry. But like, who is who is it? Who is this like, in and I just felt this little girl kind of it felt like this, this child like kind of peeking around the corner. And it was this 10 year old version of me. And I just, I could see her so vividly. I could feel her incense, her energy and her spirit. And I was like, oh, and then it clicked. I was like, You are the one that's been wreaking all that havoc. And she was just like, you know, you know, slice of pizza or something. And I was like, okay, and I was just like, what's what's up was like, It's okay. Like, it's safe. Like, you're, you're okay, like, you can cry if you need to cry, but like, what's going on? And I just the thing I hurt her hurt inside my head. And in my body. The thing that I heard her say, very clearly was just, she just was like, I just don't belong. Okay, interesting, right?
And what, what I realized was that, as I was experiencing these kind of new levels of success and opportunity and stepping into, you know, coaching for the Life Coach School, which is I mean, I'm sorry, like, those are like the best coaches in the world. Right? They're amazing success. Yeah. And it's like I it's like this, it's not a joke. Like this is a really amazing, amazing community to be a part of, and these are people that I have admired and respected for such a long time and the Life Coach School is such a prominent, you know, institution in this industry, and there's just a lot of a lot that goes into that. And I did not I did not consciously know that that was what was happening inside my body. Apart.
There was this child this from very long ago that had had this wound around belonging and identity. And she's like, I just don't belong. And so I was like, that is so interesting. And so. And I, when I woke up that morning, having kind of put all of this together. And I was like, you know, I wonder how many people think about mental health, as this as mental illness, or as something that is to be dealt with or fixed, or something that you need to resolve, or something that happens or comes up when things are going wrong.
And I was like, this is something that happened, because things have been going really well. And really, right, first of all, and second of all, I, as I was laying in my bed, those weeks, I mean, that binge eating episode for me, when I struggle with binge eating disorder, I mean, that was years. But I don't know if any of your listeners potentially have have struggled with binge eating disorder, or if they know what that is. But it definitely goes beyond just emotional eating. It is a profoundly compulsory out of control, it feels like feels like a like an it's like an IT is an addictive behavior for me. And I have history of other addictions as well. But it is I will eat to the point of pain, and my stomach will be profoundly distended and just hurting. And I am still I cannot stop myself.
And it feels very out of control. It feels very, it would be easy to shame yourself in that moment. And sometimes it'll even make me throw up not like just because I can't even keep it in there. It's like so and so it's it, I spent many years feeling that shame around it. And I spent many years allowing that to influence and impact my sense of identity.
I allowed to find me I allowed it to be a thing that impacted my sense of identity. And what was so amazing about this, this is that as I lay there with that heating pack on my stomach at night, I'll will never forget that moment of like, you know, what, I just laid there. And I felt such just I felt myself just surrounded with love and compassion and kindness. And just like it was it was one of the most profoundly healing moments in my life because I realized how far had come many people they would see that as a relapse or a failure.
I saw it as, as an amazing opportunity that showed me the the work. And the not. And I don't even know if I like that that word work. Because I think that for a lot of people is a kind of a turnoff word, but it showed me truly the growth and how far I've come in the love the radical love. When I talk about radical self love, like that's what I mean when I teach people radical self love. That is radical love. It's easy to love yourself, when you're doing everything right. It's easy to love yourself, when you're getting along with your partner, and you're not lashing out at your kids or losing your temper, it's easy to love yourself, when you didn't just get laid off or fired or have a relapse, it's easy to love yourself when business is going well. To me, the kind of radical love that I love is to know that I can be in the in the arena with my facedown in the mud in the middle of a moment. Like that, which for me carries profound personal meaning and to see myself show up with love and compassion and to hold myself like that. That is a victory.
Wendy
So being there for yourself, yeah, for yourself.
Robin
And what I what I realized is is like there is so much beauty in this brokenness right now. And I don't mean brokenness that there is something broken in the sense of wrong or bad or when I say brokenness, I mean humility. It's a broken, right, that brokenness of the heart of the Spirit that can triteness that, that that shows me in those moments. That yeah, like, I am a human. Yeah,
Wendy
there was a previous guest. Yes. Yes. Who shared. Like when she was talking about brokenness, it was it was more in the sense of being broken open. Like the openness that comes in with humility with that, just like okay, yeah, this is me.
Robin
Exactly. And that's and that's exactly and so that was, that was really where this whole project was born.
Wendy
You can see why you want to come join and check it out. Oh my gosh. It's so beautiful and so stunning to there was one thing that I do want to mention, to just as as to note, and it has to do with the tagline of embracing your shadow side in order to strengthen your light. And so this is a tagline of contrasts, right? And people often may not understand or be ready for the prospect of actually being able to feel happier once you feel and move through and love yourself through some sadness, or devastation or resentment or bitterness, any of those harder to feel feelings harder to show up for yourself feelings. The contrast is real. And I don't know how it works, but I only know it does like the more deep you're willing to go into your feelings and into that shadow side, the lighter you become, but also can shine. What are your thoughts on that? Because a tagline is so good.
Robin
Yeah I think of it. Like I actually love the way Brooke Castillo she's the founder of The Life Coach School, and someone who I've, you know, followed and has been a mentor for me for many years now. But I like the way she describes it, because she she uses the terminology 50/50, right, we talk 50/50 At The Life Coach School, but it's the same idea, right? There's the 50/50, there's the joy and the pain that day in the night, the ugly and the beautiful, like it's just 50/50. And that your life will always be 50/50 doesn't always feel like 50/50 Sometimes it can be 20. But a lot of that has to do with what we are putting our attention on. So when we're focusing on things are going wrong, nothing's working, right? Like that's what you're going to see. But when I pull like in that can happen for me in a moment, like there can be a day where I can wake up and be like, everything's wrong, nothing's working. It's all broken. And then I take a breath, and I step away for a minute. And I take a look over here. And when I when I consciously turned my head, my mind to what's working, just before we got on this podcast, I sat down, I started writing my thank you list, alright, to the universe into the world and everything. And it's amazing what I can begin to find, even in sometimes we have to start with the littlest things, right? Like you just pass interview with me, right? Like, this is the perfect cup of long tea. Right? And like right now in Portland, oh, my gosh, this is the most beautiful day outside. I mean, it's just a gorgeous spring day.
And this is like, I mean, it's only just not coming, right? We just came through that long winter. And it's like, ah, and I felt just like total gratitude for that day, right? And so sometimes you just you start with just those littlest things, right? And when you're just somebody is just hating on their body or shaming their body, and they just think it's all bad, and it's all wrong. And then, you know, I may be in coaching with them. And we start looking at it's like, well, actually may do have pretty cute ears, right? So like, the rest of its? Well, I mean, okay, I am grateful that I do still have my hair that that's that is but other than that, I'm like, All right, and then keep going. And then we keep going. And it's like and as they start to notice like, Well, okay, I like my idea of long eyelashes have pretty eyelashes, okay, what and then as we keep going, it's like, it is amazing, the more you spend time looking at how what you will begin to see and all of a sudden, there might be a moment where you will notice, wait a minute, all that light all that that other side? It was always there. I just wasn't seeing it. Yeah, right, this home that I have this cat, the Siamese cat that I adore, except when I don't right, and then like, just like, they're all things. And so that 50/50 It's there. So sometimes I think it doesn't feel that way because of what we're focusing on. Right? And that goes for the other side, too. And we're like, oh my life? Sure. There's always the things that I could complain about. But when I don't, my attention is more over here.
So but as far as the the expansion that you were talking about in the beginning, the way Brooke explains when she talks about that 50/50 So your life is always 50/50 You're always going to have both. But what happens is when you're when you're willing to go into both sides, when you're willing to go into the shadow side are those the difficult emotions or the difficult experiences. What happens is a you get better at being able to feel them and go through them. So they don't even feel that hard anymore. So automatically, right? You've made your life feel better because you're not resisting it. You're not fighting it. You're not pushing against it.
Wendy
You're not you have some confidence. Yep, you've already done it. Right and failure. Yep. You learn
Robin
And so what happens is, it's like your, your life, you know, so let's say that your your life is the size of a Have a softball, right? Still that 50/50. But you don't really put yourself into new, you don't take new risks, you don't put yourself out there as much. Because when you're avoiding the painful side of life, that percent, you don't you don't grow or expand or put yourself out there as much you kind of live a smaller life, right? Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to go after that relationship, I might get rejected, I don't know, if I'm gonna go after that job, I'm not going to ask for that promotion, I'm not going to do that I might fail, that would hurt. So we tend to just live a little bit smaller, lives a little bit safer. And so your life kind of stays about the size of the softball, but the ratio is still the same. But when you get good at that other 50%. Now, just like with me, doing this, this this project, I've never done a project like this before organize this whole summit there. It's been there was a couple days that I might have been a little bit, you know, thin, emotionally human.
Wendy
Yeah. What is this? I don't know. Yeah,
Robin
I was like, oh, pulling my hair out. I was like, I don't know, maybe we're gonna have to cancel the whole thing. What was I thinking, I just went way over my head. And then I came out of it. And now I'm kind of in that quiet of the storm, where I'm like, this is beautiful. We got it, we got this, right.
And so what happens when I do that is I begin to expand. And I realize I can go after bigger things. And so the joy and the pride and just everything that we're going to feel at the end of this is going to be so much higher, because I was willing to go to that other end. So now, my life is the size of a softball or a cantaloupe, or maybe soccer ball, soccer ball, right, and you begin to feel the 50/50. But everything just becomes bigger. That makes
Wendy
It's a bigger 50/50. It's a bigger.
Robin
And so you're able to put a further ends of the spectrum, instead of living at the negative two plus two, like cam said in our interview, now you can live a negative eight plus eight are still a 50/50. It's a big deal. You can go to the deep win, you can go to the negative eight, you can go to the positive eight, right? Right, just becomes bigger, but the failure is going to be bigger. Right? Yeah. Or whatever and not failure, you know, whatever, quote, unquote, failure, right? Because in a sense, failure is just a construct. And there's not even really any such thing. But you get the idea, right? Like, it's just all going to be bigger.
Wendy
And what you would like entertain as a failure at a negative two Yes, like, is going to be like sounding radical and very unsafe. Like, if you're looking at what somebody who's done some work in shadow work, like their risk as a as a minus eight and going that T is going to be terrifying to somebody who's familiar with and comfortable in the negative two.
Robin
And you don't just go from a two to an eight, either. You know, it's like you graduate and you grow and you get, I think this is why the universe brings us the things that we wish for in small pieces, right? So many people are out there wishing for love, joy, happiness, success, abundance, they want all these things, and I want it now. But I promise you, you do not. Because if the universe like right, it's like if you just imagine you sit there in your life, and you're in your negative two plus two life. And that's your capacity for negative and positive emotion because they are tied together when you numb the negative or the positive. Yeah, hi, there mates, how
Wendy
That works on works.
Robin
So it's like if the universe was to just be like, All right, she's ready, just go ahead and dump it all at the same time. I mean, you would just get torn to shreds, you wouldn't have been capacity to hold that much success, a launch a successful launch, right? Like even what happened to me, I was like, Whoa, that growth, right. But in a flattened. There was like it was true, there was an identity shift that happened there, there was things that got triggered. And so just to notice that though, the universe is always watching out for you. And it is it is trying to bring you all the things that you want and all the things that you love. But it also I do believe has awareness around where you're at, what you're ready for, what your capacity is, what is the lesson that you're learning right now, right?
And so there are lessons that I have had to learn in order to be able to go to the next level, and then I get there and it stretches me and I'm like, oh, shoot, I haven't quite learned that one yet. Okay, copy that. Thank you. You're right. You're right. Okay, let me go. Let me do that one. It's like, alright, she can take a little bit more, right. It always stretches me beyond what's comfortable. And I have the thing and then we learn and then we grow more. And I think that's just the process.
Wendy
Yeah. Oh, that's so beautifully said. Thank you, Robin. That's so beautifully said. Hey, we do have time for maybe one more question. So I want to ask you, what have I forgotten to ask that you need to tell about like, what do people need to know that would be useful or just top of mind like what's coming to you now, as we begin to wrap?
Robin
Oh, man, I could say all kinds of things. I mean, I guess the first thing, I just I know that a lot of the people here on your podcast are here, awesome. They're awesome. They also might be here because they're experiencing some grief and loss, right? So probably something that you have said a million times. One of the things that I love to tell people about grief and loss is this idea of permission, right? That there's no right or wrong way. So you get to do it. And to trust your intuition and to know that you can't do it wrong, right, this process and everything that you're going through, there is no right or wrong way. Like every single moment on your journey every step. Even if it feels like a missed step. I promise you, it's not because it's, you cannot do it wrong. It's all part of this journey.
And, and so I think I would just invite you to notice it to remember, or remind yourself, if you can, if you can access this truth is just this truth that you are so beautiful, and worthy. And right exactly where you are, in this exact moment. Nothing has gone wrong, nothing has gone wrong. And you you're you are okay. And even if it doesn't feel like that, but like you as a person, your essence, your beauty, your joy, it is all inside of you. And for me, I think just just remembering that and allowing myself to go through that process, whatever it needed to be opening up to that 50/50 It made it all feel a little bit more, less like a train wreck and more like okay, maybe this is all just part of my journey, you know?
Wendy
Right? If you make it bigger, so you're looking at a journey versus looking at a day or an event. Exactly. That's that's a different perspective altogether.
Robin
All part of Story No, no hero's journey doesn't include. Right, um, kind of a challenge or right like there's there are a few obstacles, right? Yes, like that song. Like Mama said, there'll be days like this, right? Like, what if that's just, I'll just have days like this. And, and that, that, that maybe that maybe that that thing that Deepak Chopra said is true. Maybe there aren't any spare parts in this universe of ours.
Wendy
Oh, so incredible. And I'm so grateful to be a part of this. And thank you so much for just inviting me along to this project. All the link curries are going to be in the notes. So you're all invited everyone and join me join Robin join, like how there's like 15 other coaches going on on this series and then summit all throughout May, Mental Health Awareness month and you have support all around you. If you would care to tune into Robins podcast. What's the name of that podcast again to subscribe to
Robin
The Identity Factor.
Wendy
Do it. Amazing. Thank you so much.
Robin
You are welcome.
Wendy
Oh thank you. And we will. Well, I'll talk to you again next week. Any questions? Any comments, anything that came up? Go ahead and let us know all about it in the Facebook group or on my Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you.
Hey, thanks for listening. And if you are interested in doing a little deeper work in my group coaching program, go to going inside.me See what I did there, going inside.me That's an annual program. We can work together in a group setting. And you'll see all the details right there. love to have you join. Thank you for listening. I'll talk to you next week.
Hi, everybody, I'm so glad you are here. I have somebody extra awesome. Her name is Robin Keesler. And she is an identity coach and a self discovery coach. So I'm gonna let her talk a little bit more about that. But first, welcome, Robin.
Robin Keesler
Thank you, Wendy, I'm so happy to be here. Yes, as you said, so I do identity and self discovery coaching. I primarily work with women and entree leaders. And I help take them through a process of self discovery that includes a lot of working on their identity, what do you know, so I really help people discover like the truth of who they really are. And we go through a process of, of coming home to ourselves, we do a lot of radical self love, personal healing, attachment styles, helping people understand their attachment styles, how those attachment styles, and those belief systems and those identities that got put in place all those years ago, I've really been carried with them through their lives, and all the ways that that impacts their businesses, their relationships, as you know, you know, I had my own, like weight loss journey, you know, that kind of brought me into coaching, but like, I had all the things I had, you know, addiction, mental health, weight loss, binge eating, you know, just a shame, grief, pain, you know, all this stuff.
And I was just so trapped in this vortex of, I'm a worthless piece of garbage, and I don't know how to get out of it. And I realized in doing all of that work that yeah, really, that? What do you know, that belief about myself? Leaving a lot of impact in my life, and, and so, and the more that I've gone through these processes of healing and personal growth, and coaching and all the self discovery work that I've done, what I find actually to be so fascinating, is how we trick ourselves. Thinking that we're done.
Wendy
Oh, that's so hilarious and brutal. Yeah.
Robin
It'll happen and all of a sudden, I'm like, Am I coming up against this block? Why is it? Why is this not? Why am I frustrated? Why am I why am I anxious? Why is why is my business not working? relationships aren't working. And we think that we're all shiny and pretty, whatever. And it's not to say that you're not, but what I have experienced over and over again, is I'm like, Oh, shit, there it is, again, when I really start looking at it, I'm like, Oh, there's more healing to do.
Or it's that same wound that got triggered, and so that I go back through and have to, or want to do that process of really nurturing that part of me again, and coming back to love and coming back to releasing the old belief systems and stepping into returning to the truth of who I really am and surrounding myself, and then coming back again, to do the work. So yeah.
Wendy
I'm so glad that you mentioned something about like, I don't, you know, like, the idea of I get to, even if I don't want to like, yeah, it's hard. Like I have momentary tantrums all the time. And this is valid, like this gets to be real and a part of the journey because you know, you didn't do a lot of work. You have come all this way in to sort of have this thought or belief that Okay, done, you know, hands clapping all the dust off, and now we can move on to you know, the shiny, shiny.
And then we find another little piece of poo in the road to sweep out. So, yeah, I think temporary tantrums or momentary tantrums, and sometimes they'll last a day and sometimes they'll last a few minutes. Sometimes, like, I've been stuck for a few weeks, and this is okay. Like, there's no moral issue with this. But it's also optional. Optional optional, because the work is totally available. The healing is totally available. The thing is, we're the only ones who can do it for ourselves. Yeah, ultimately, yeah
Robin
Ultimately, we can have support, people can help support you encourage you guide you coaches, therapists, families, friends, you know, whatever, if you have good people in your life that do that for you, but the end of the day, we have to be the ones that are willing to say, okay, all right, let's go again.
Wendy
Yeah, I find it to be easier with support than without because, like, that's just that's been my experience too. So I'm so glad you're here and you know, it's so interesting around identity because Robin like one of the things that I talk about in in this realm is that identity is one of the intangible losses that we can experience when we lose something that is tangible. Like, if a relationship ends or a loved one dies or less than loved one dies, like there are identity shifts that totally happen and engage one, sometimes without our knowledge and two, sometimes without our consent, and three, just sometimes, like, because that we're ready to grow.
Right. So I love that you work and serve in this space. I would love to hear a little bit and I will also want to announce I'm so excited. The time of this podcast is airing is May the first which is the first day of Mental Health Awareness Month. Welcome. Welcome. Robin has been totally creating and collaborating to create something called the take it away. Robin.
Robin
Shadow Side Leadership Summit, yes. And using Yeah, it's that is the Shadow Side Leadership Summit is in fact, the grand finale event that we are going to be doing towards the end of May. So that that was actually a byproduct of what we're first doing, which maybe is what I should have led with leadership series. So we're doing a series first. That is also airing and beginning May 1. And with Wendy Sloneker, and a host of other life coaches
Wendy
So many amazing coaches.
Robin
So many amazing coaches have stepped forward to participate in this in this mental health, leadership, identity, all of that we're we're coming together to talk about these issues, and how they interplay and how we can support ourselves in all of this. And so my podcasts where these are going to be hosted is called the Identity Factor Podcast. And yes, and so Wendy’s interview will be on there, along with a bunch of other people just sharing our heart our stories, our journeys, our experiences, of around identity, and mental and emotional health and leadership and all of it what does this mean? And what do we want it to mean? And how do we? How do we care and nurture ourselves through these experiences, these identity shifts that create sometimes mental and emotional turmoil inside of us, and how do we balance all that and, and, and so that's what we're doing in the podcast series is having these conversations, some amazing interviews.
So definitely go check those out and just enjoy getting to know these amazing coaches, these amazing people. And then towards the end of May 19, through 21st, we're going to all be coming together inside a Facebook group community, and you guys are going to be able to participate in that throughout the entire month of May where we will be coming in there and coaching with you and giving value and just having community and connection all throughout that time. And then at the end of May, we're coming together for a live Summit. And we're gonna be talking about creating connection, and allowing joy in our lives allowing Joy along the journey, because joy is a mental health issue. Right connection is a mental health. Like it's all part of mental health.
Mental health is not just about mental illness, it's also about mentally thriving and emotionally thriving. It's that whole spectrum. So mental health is not about never having a breakdown. It's not about only being happy and never being sad. Not at all, it's about being able to open up your heart to all of it. And to be able to have that awareness to know where am I at right now? And is this what I want to where I want to be? And is there something I need? How do I nurture myself? How do I heal and support and then move into this other area of the spectrum and come back to Joy and come back to love and come back to connection? And then when I'm back in the trenches again, feeling depressed, or lonely or angry or sad, or whatever it is?
Can we say okay, yes, yes, this belongs, I'm willing to open to this and to go through that and just to navigate that journey more gracefully. So that's what the summit is going to be about is teaching you how to have that connection, that joy in that, that momentum in that impact in your life again, so a lot of amazing presenters. So you can sign up for that at shadowsideleadershipsummit.com. And there'll be a registration page there, but Wendy will tell you all about it, it's going to be all over the
Wendy
The links are going to be in the notes the whole thing I love the whole premise of having so many different voices, so many different professionals who are really zoning in on different specific aspects of mental health, like some of which, like you wouldn't, you wouldn't think would be part of but turns out they're a part of could I asked a little bit about the leadership element because like, sometimes what happens is that we hear leadership and we think, business owner or leader in a community or something like that, I would love to discuss the option of, what if you're kind of a leader in your family, or in your friend group or in your friend circle? When it comes to mental health, like sometimes we lead, and sometimes we follow? So what are your insights on that? Robin? What do you think about that in terms of this summit? And what would you recommend in terms of like, people allowing people to count themselves in rather than out? Based on the word leader?
Robin
Yeah. 100%. Yeah. When I, when I think about leadership, you know, it's, I do think that's something that happens a lot, right? Like people think about, you know, business owners, or CEOs or some other kind of, you know, maybe institutionalized position. And that can be one definition of a leader. But I think you're 100%, right, where it's like, leadership, I think, is something that happens in the heart. It's something that happens inside. And, and I think, when we talk, when I talk about the idea of leadership, and I specifically, talking about heart centered leadership, what that means to me when I think about what it means to be a leader, is and I think this applies to everyone, like if you're a human on this planet, I believe that you you are called to leadership, called to it each and every one of us because what I believe is that we are here on this earth, in this planet, to expand our universe, to spread the message of love, and joy and worthiness and identity and intend to hold up a mirror to the person in front of you, that says, This is the truth of who you really are, this year that you are beautiful, that you are worthy, that you belong.
And so if you are someone that is creating a sense of connection, and belonging and love, and if you are a person that is out there in the world, telling the barista that she has a beautiful smile, right? That is an act of leadership, in my opinion, because what you're doing is you are on the leading edge of expanding our universe, you're on the leading edge of changing the world.
And we change the world. One, one parent, one partner, one friend, one community at a time, there's so many, there's so many ways that you can step into that. Right. And so when I when I walk through the grocery store, and I see, you know, someone stocking the milk, and they got their air pods in and they're smiling, and they're be bopping along and they're singing and I can just see that joy emanating from them, they are engaging in leadership. They're being an example of what it means to live a life where you're alive. And you're living from that centered grounded identity that this is who I am, I am love made visible.
Wendy
I love the love expansion movement, that is yummy. And like, you know, no extroverted behavior required, it can be welcome, but like this can be, you know, you can say thank you and be a leader, because recognition is also a leading element, being seen and heard is a big, big deal. Yeah. So this is not only healing, but it is super loving. And it feels good to how did you come up with the idea to coordinate this whole summit? Because Whoa, that's a big gob project. Yeah. Who knew?
Robin
Turns out, right. It's like having you're starting a business or doing anything else. It's like, if you knew what it was gonna be like, in the beginning, you probably would have never done it. Right? No, that's not true for me, though, because I'm, I'm just a little bit jaded that way. I'm like, let's go. Um, no, I the reason the reason that this idea came into my brain is because I woke up one day laying in my bed, and when my eyes popped open, I went, Oh my gosh, what if I'm not the only one that has had or is having this experience that I have been going through?
So for the last few months prior to all of this happening really like January, February, March. I found myself profoundly triggered by some of the growth and success and opportunities that were in my coming into my life some things that I had been working on dreams that I had had for For a long time, six years, you know, and, and starting to work for the Life Coach School and like all this stuff that started happening all at the same time. And what I what I realized, I mean, not instantaneously, but eventually was that I was like what is happening because I just I felt this profound, just like sense of just, I mean, now, I guess I might call it like a profound fear, or something. But in the moment, I didn't know what it was, I just was feeling it right, if you ever had that experience, where there's something where you're just like, super activated, and you don't quite yet understand what it is, but you're just sort of in that autopilot mode. And it's like, you're kind of like this little ant on top of the hill working way. And then you realize that there's an elephant attached to your feet. And it's like taking you some direction that you're like, Whoa, where did that elephant come from?
Wendy
Is something happening?
Robin
My knowledge, the unconscious mind, right, but it's like an elephant underneath us. And we're the ant up here working away a little worker bee. And it's like, we don't realize that we have this huge elephant underneath our butts. That is our unconscious mind that has all kinds of memory in a sights and smells and, and emotion and beliefs and their stuff happening under there. And when that thing gets sent in a certain direction, that's the direction you're gonna go.
Wendy
You’re not gonna argue where you're going.
Robin
Yeah, and you're not going to stop it. Right. And so it's like, here we go. And so for me, as that was happening for me, I noticed myself, like binge eating again, which I hadn't done in like six years, I noticed myself just feeling really dysregulated. And I'm like, What in the hell is happening? What is going on here? And it took me a while to realize, okay, I get it. Like the beliefs again, that was underneath there. And, you know, there's, I can share that whole story of how that came up for me. But I noticed myself, I found myself needing to cry one night, and like, when I allow that, I was like, Okay, I don't remember if I shared this with you or not, but what I, when I was in Miami actually, for Work Hard, Play Hard. It was the end of that weekend, and I was just so ready to get to my quiet hotel room. And I was just like, just this was just a lot, right. And this has already been happening. So it's kind of like the straw that broke the camel's back for me.
And I got to my room, and it was quiet and it was like, kind of dark and cool in there. And I was like, Oh, my nervous system was like, thank you. And I like laid in that bed. And I just in that moment when everything got quiet, and still, that was when I could feel it like finally, like welling up and I could feel myself wanting to cry. And I was like, okay, so I just let myself cry. But what was interesting about it is that it it didn't feel like me, like I had this very odd awareness that this wasn't really me that was crying. It felt like a child. It felt very young. Like, interesting. It was like inside just was very curious, you know, pretty neutral. And I was like, Okay, it's like, who's who's in there? Yeah.
And when I, when I like, kind of asked that question, I was like, alright, it's okay, you can cry. But like, who is who is it? Who is this like, in and I just felt this little girl kind of it felt like this, this child like kind of peeking around the corner. And it was this 10 year old version of me. And I just, I could see her so vividly. I could feel her incense, her energy and her spirit. And I was like, oh, and then it clicked. I was like, You are the one that's been wreaking all that havoc. And she was just like, you know, you know, slice of pizza or something. And I was like, okay, and I was just like, what's what's up was like, It's okay. Like, it's safe. Like, you're, you're okay, like, you can cry if you need to cry, but like, what's going on? And I just the thing I hurt her hurt inside my head. And in my body. The thing that I heard her say, very clearly was just, she just was like, I just don't belong. Okay, interesting, right?
And what, what I realized was that, as I was experiencing these kind of new levels of success and opportunity and stepping into, you know, coaching for the Life Coach School, which is I mean, I'm sorry, like, those are like the best coaches in the world. Right? They're amazing success. Yeah. And it's like I it's like this, it's not a joke. Like this is a really amazing, amazing community to be a part of, and these are people that I have admired and respected for such a long time and the Life Coach School is such a prominent, you know, institution in this industry, and there's just a lot of a lot that goes into that. And I did not I did not consciously know that that was what was happening inside my body. Apart.
There was this child this from very long ago that had had this wound around belonging and identity. And she's like, I just don't belong. And so I was like, that is so interesting. And so. And I, when I woke up that morning, having kind of put all of this together. And I was like, you know, I wonder how many people think about mental health, as this as mental illness, or as something that is to be dealt with or fixed, or something that you need to resolve, or something that happens or comes up when things are going wrong.
And I was like, this is something that happened, because things have been going really well. And really, right, first of all, and second of all, I, as I was laying in my bed, those weeks, I mean, that binge eating episode for me, when I struggle with binge eating disorder, I mean, that was years. But I don't know if any of your listeners potentially have have struggled with binge eating disorder, or if they know what that is. But it definitely goes beyond just emotional eating. It is a profoundly compulsory out of control, it feels like feels like a like an it's like an IT is an addictive behavior for me. And I have history of other addictions as well. But it is I will eat to the point of pain, and my stomach will be profoundly distended and just hurting. And I am still I cannot stop myself.
And it feels very out of control. It feels very, it would be easy to shame yourself in that moment. And sometimes it'll even make me throw up not like just because I can't even keep it in there. It's like so and so it's it, I spent many years feeling that shame around it. And I spent many years allowing that to influence and impact my sense of identity.
I allowed to find me I allowed it to be a thing that impacted my sense of identity. And what was so amazing about this, this is that as I lay there with that heating pack on my stomach at night, I'll will never forget that moment of like, you know, what, I just laid there. And I felt such just I felt myself just surrounded with love and compassion and kindness. And just like it was it was one of the most profoundly healing moments in my life because I realized how far had come many people they would see that as a relapse or a failure.
I saw it as, as an amazing opportunity that showed me the the work. And the not. And I don't even know if I like that that word work. Because I think that for a lot of people is a kind of a turnoff word, but it showed me truly the growth and how far I've come in the love the radical love. When I talk about radical self love, like that's what I mean when I teach people radical self love. That is radical love. It's easy to love yourself, when you're doing everything right. It's easy to love yourself, when you're getting along with your partner, and you're not lashing out at your kids or losing your temper, it's easy to love yourself, when you didn't just get laid off or fired or have a relapse, it's easy to love yourself when business is going well. To me, the kind of radical love that I love is to know that I can be in the in the arena with my facedown in the mud in the middle of a moment. Like that, which for me carries profound personal meaning and to see myself show up with love and compassion and to hold myself like that. That is a victory.
Wendy
So being there for yourself, yeah, for yourself.
Robin
And what I what I realized is is like there is so much beauty in this brokenness right now. And I don't mean brokenness that there is something broken in the sense of wrong or bad or when I say brokenness, I mean humility. It's a broken, right, that brokenness of the heart of the Spirit that can triteness that, that that shows me in those moments. That yeah, like, I am a human. Yeah,
Wendy
there was a previous guest. Yes. Yes. Who shared. Like when she was talking about brokenness, it was it was more in the sense of being broken open. Like the openness that comes in with humility with that, just like okay, yeah, this is me.
Robin
Exactly. And that's and that's exactly and so that was, that was really where this whole project was born.
Wendy
You can see why you want to come join and check it out. Oh my gosh. It's so beautiful and so stunning to there was one thing that I do want to mention, to just as as to note, and it has to do with the tagline of embracing your shadow side in order to strengthen your light. And so this is a tagline of contrasts, right? And people often may not understand or be ready for the prospect of actually being able to feel happier once you feel and move through and love yourself through some sadness, or devastation or resentment or bitterness, any of those harder to feel feelings harder to show up for yourself feelings. The contrast is real. And I don't know how it works, but I only know it does like the more deep you're willing to go into your feelings and into that shadow side, the lighter you become, but also can shine. What are your thoughts on that? Because a tagline is so good.
Robin
Yeah I think of it. Like I actually love the way Brooke Castillo she's the founder of The Life Coach School, and someone who I've, you know, followed and has been a mentor for me for many years now. But I like the way she describes it, because she she uses the terminology 50/50, right, we talk 50/50 At The Life Coach School, but it's the same idea, right? There's the 50/50, there's the joy and the pain that day in the night, the ugly and the beautiful, like it's just 50/50. And that your life will always be 50/50 doesn't always feel like 50/50 Sometimes it can be 20. But a lot of that has to do with what we are putting our attention on. So when we're focusing on things are going wrong, nothing's working, right? Like that's what you're going to see. But when I pull like in that can happen for me in a moment, like there can be a day where I can wake up and be like, everything's wrong, nothing's working. It's all broken. And then I take a breath, and I step away for a minute. And I take a look over here. And when I when I consciously turned my head, my mind to what's working, just before we got on this podcast, I sat down, I started writing my thank you list, alright, to the universe into the world and everything. And it's amazing what I can begin to find, even in sometimes we have to start with the littlest things, right? Like you just pass interview with me, right? Like, this is the perfect cup of long tea. Right? And like right now in Portland, oh, my gosh, this is the most beautiful day outside. I mean, it's just a gorgeous spring day.
And this is like, I mean, it's only just not coming, right? We just came through that long winter. And it's like, ah, and I felt just like total gratitude for that day, right? And so sometimes you just you start with just those littlest things, right? And when you're just somebody is just hating on their body or shaming their body, and they just think it's all bad, and it's all wrong. And then, you know, I may be in coaching with them. And we start looking at it's like, well, actually may do have pretty cute ears, right? So like, the rest of its? Well, I mean, okay, I am grateful that I do still have my hair that that's that is but other than that, I'm like, All right, and then keep going. And then we keep going. And it's like and as they start to notice like, Well, okay, I like my idea of long eyelashes have pretty eyelashes, okay, what and then as we keep going, it's like, it is amazing, the more you spend time looking at how what you will begin to see and all of a sudden, there might be a moment where you will notice, wait a minute, all that light all that that other side? It was always there. I just wasn't seeing it. Yeah, right, this home that I have this cat, the Siamese cat that I adore, except when I don't right, and then like, just like, they're all things. And so that 50/50 It's there. So sometimes I think it doesn't feel that way because of what we're focusing on. Right? And that goes for the other side, too. And we're like, oh my life? Sure. There's always the things that I could complain about. But when I don't, my attention is more over here.
So but as far as the the expansion that you were talking about in the beginning, the way Brooke explains when she talks about that 50/50 So your life is always 50/50 You're always going to have both. But what happens is when you're when you're willing to go into both sides, when you're willing to go into the shadow side are those the difficult emotions or the difficult experiences. What happens is a you get better at being able to feel them and go through them. So they don't even feel that hard anymore. So automatically, right? You've made your life feel better because you're not resisting it. You're not fighting it. You're not pushing against it.
Wendy
You're not you have some confidence. Yep, you've already done it. Right and failure. Yep. You learn
Robin
And so what happens is, it's like your, your life, you know, so let's say that your your life is the size of a Have a softball, right? Still that 50/50. But you don't really put yourself into new, you don't take new risks, you don't put yourself out there as much. Because when you're avoiding the painful side of life, that percent, you don't you don't grow or expand or put yourself out there as much you kind of live a smaller life, right? Yeah, I'm like, I don't want to go after that relationship, I might get rejected, I don't know, if I'm gonna go after that job, I'm not going to ask for that promotion, I'm not going to do that I might fail, that would hurt. So we tend to just live a little bit smaller, lives a little bit safer. And so your life kind of stays about the size of the softball, but the ratio is still the same. But when you get good at that other 50%. Now, just like with me, doing this, this this project, I've never done a project like this before organize this whole summit there. It's been there was a couple days that I might have been a little bit, you know, thin, emotionally human.
Wendy
Yeah. What is this? I don't know. Yeah,
Robin
I was like, oh, pulling my hair out. I was like, I don't know, maybe we're gonna have to cancel the whole thing. What was I thinking, I just went way over my head. And then I came out of it. And now I'm kind of in that quiet of the storm, where I'm like, this is beautiful. We got it, we got this, right.
And so what happens when I do that is I begin to expand. And I realize I can go after bigger things. And so the joy and the pride and just everything that we're going to feel at the end of this is going to be so much higher, because I was willing to go to that other end. So now, my life is the size of a softball or a cantaloupe, or maybe soccer ball, soccer ball, right, and you begin to feel the 50/50. But everything just becomes bigger. That makes
Wendy
It's a bigger 50/50. It's a bigger.
Robin
And so you're able to put a further ends of the spectrum, instead of living at the negative two plus two, like cam said in our interview, now you can live a negative eight plus eight are still a 50/50. It's a big deal. You can go to the deep win, you can go to the negative eight, you can go to the positive eight, right? Right, just becomes bigger, but the failure is going to be bigger. Right? Yeah. Or whatever and not failure, you know, whatever, quote, unquote, failure, right? Because in a sense, failure is just a construct. And there's not even really any such thing. But you get the idea, right? Like, it's just all going to be bigger.
Wendy
And what you would like entertain as a failure at a negative two Yes, like, is going to be like sounding radical and very unsafe. Like, if you're looking at what somebody who's done some work in shadow work, like their risk as a as a minus eight and going that T is going to be terrifying to somebody who's familiar with and comfortable in the negative two.
Robin
And you don't just go from a two to an eight, either. You know, it's like you graduate and you grow and you get, I think this is why the universe brings us the things that we wish for in small pieces, right? So many people are out there wishing for love, joy, happiness, success, abundance, they want all these things, and I want it now. But I promise you, you do not. Because if the universe like right, it's like if you just imagine you sit there in your life, and you're in your negative two plus two life. And that's your capacity for negative and positive emotion because they are tied together when you numb the negative or the positive. Yeah, hi, there mates, how
Wendy
That works on works.
Robin
So it's like if the universe was to just be like, All right, she's ready, just go ahead and dump it all at the same time. I mean, you would just get torn to shreds, you wouldn't have been capacity to hold that much success, a launch a successful launch, right? Like even what happened to me, I was like, Whoa, that growth, right. But in a flattened. There was like it was true, there was an identity shift that happened there, there was things that got triggered. And so just to notice that though, the universe is always watching out for you. And it is it is trying to bring you all the things that you want and all the things that you love. But it also I do believe has awareness around where you're at, what you're ready for, what your capacity is, what is the lesson that you're learning right now, right?
And so there are lessons that I have had to learn in order to be able to go to the next level, and then I get there and it stretches me and I'm like, oh, shoot, I haven't quite learned that one yet. Okay, copy that. Thank you. You're right. You're right. Okay, let me go. Let me do that one. It's like, alright, she can take a little bit more, right. It always stretches me beyond what's comfortable. And I have the thing and then we learn and then we grow more. And I think that's just the process.
Wendy
Yeah. Oh, that's so beautifully said. Thank you, Robin. That's so beautifully said. Hey, we do have time for maybe one more question. So I want to ask you, what have I forgotten to ask that you need to tell about like, what do people need to know that would be useful or just top of mind like what's coming to you now, as we begin to wrap?
Robin
Oh, man, I could say all kinds of things. I mean, I guess the first thing, I just I know that a lot of the people here on your podcast are here, awesome. They're awesome. They also might be here because they're experiencing some grief and loss, right? So probably something that you have said a million times. One of the things that I love to tell people about grief and loss is this idea of permission, right? That there's no right or wrong way. So you get to do it. And to trust your intuition and to know that you can't do it wrong, right, this process and everything that you're going through, there is no right or wrong way. Like every single moment on your journey every step. Even if it feels like a missed step. I promise you, it's not because it's, you cannot do it wrong. It's all part of this journey.
And, and so I think I would just invite you to notice it to remember, or remind yourself, if you can, if you can access this truth is just this truth that you are so beautiful, and worthy. And right exactly where you are, in this exact moment. Nothing has gone wrong, nothing has gone wrong. And you you're you are okay. And even if it doesn't feel like that, but like you as a person, your essence, your beauty, your joy, it is all inside of you. And for me, I think just just remembering that and allowing myself to go through that process, whatever it needed to be opening up to that 50/50 It made it all feel a little bit more, less like a train wreck and more like okay, maybe this is all just part of my journey, you know?
Wendy
Right? If you make it bigger, so you're looking at a journey versus looking at a day or an event. Exactly. That's that's a different perspective altogether.
Robin
All part of Story No, no hero's journey doesn't include. Right, um, kind of a challenge or right like there's there are a few obstacles, right? Yes, like that song. Like Mama said, there'll be days like this, right? Like, what if that's just, I'll just have days like this. And, and that, that, that maybe that maybe that that thing that Deepak Chopra said is true. Maybe there aren't any spare parts in this universe of ours.
Wendy
Oh, so incredible. And I'm so grateful to be a part of this. And thank you so much for just inviting me along to this project. All the link curries are going to be in the notes. So you're all invited everyone and join me join Robin join, like how there's like 15 other coaches going on on this series and then summit all throughout May, Mental Health Awareness month and you have support all around you. If you would care to tune into Robins podcast. What's the name of that podcast again to subscribe to
Robin
The Identity Factor.
Wendy
Do it. Amazing. Thank you so much.
Robin
You are welcome.
Wendy
Oh thank you. And we will. Well, I'll talk to you again next week. Any questions? Any comments, anything that came up? Go ahead and let us know all about it in the Facebook group or on my Facebook page. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you.
Hey, thanks for listening. And if you are interested in doing a little deeper work in my group coaching program, go to going inside.me See what I did there, going inside.me That's an annual program. We can work together in a group setting. And you'll see all the details right there. love to have you join. Thank you for listening. I'll talk to you next week.