Episode 64: Serena Hicks Talks Grief & Money Mindset

Special Guest Money Mindset coach Serena Hicks
Today on Heart Healing from Loss, Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker welcomes special guest Serena Hicks. 
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Serena Hicks is a Money Mindset coach and mentor who focuses on connection with others and helping others grow their business by focusing on truth telling, freedom, and rejecting patriarchal programming. Instead, Serena encourages others to let go of your struggles and replace them with an allowing that requires you to connect with your Self, The Divine, and fellow humans (and creatures) on a whole new level.
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Being Willing to Receive 
Serena and Wendy discuss the importance of being willing to receive during periods of grief and loss. This can mean asking for support or just allowing others to help you. Allowing others to make even the smallest of gestures––a hug, a coffee, or a meal—can create connections you may not have thought were possible.

Wendy and Serena Hick about how grief relates to a money mindset.

Serena also shares what it was like to let go of what others thought, or what she perceived they thought, and stop feeling the shame that came with needing support while she grieved. Serena prioritized self-care by learning to ask for help, even when it was terrifying or felt like it might inconvenience others. 

Learn more about Serena’s Money Mindset Community and Mastermind at her website, www.serenahicks.com. And find and follow her on Instagram: @xoxoserenahicks, Facebook: facebook.com/SerenaHicksAF, and LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/serenahicks.
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You are Invited:
And if you are ready to connect with someone to support you in your own journey with grief and loss, reach out to Wendy for a complimentary call at www.wendysloneker.com.

Would you like to connect?

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Full Episode Transcript

Wendy Sloneker  
You're listening to the Heart Healing from Loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is totally episode 64. Heck, yes, it is. Full, warm, full hearted. Welcome to you my listener, because I'm introducing you to one of my coaches. This is somebody that I chose to work with and then chose to really work with in a mastermind. So I bring you the luminous, the hilarious. The 100%, enthusiastic and present, Serena Hicks, Serena.

Serena Hicks  
Warmest, most yummy, yummy, delicious welcome in forever. Hi, Wendy Hi people Hi, friends of Wendy Hello.

Wendy
Everyone's here, everyone's right on time, this is exactly the message that is for all of us. And Serena, you have a big story of contrast. And it makes for a great app like action picture. And I would like to hear and please introduce what you need us to know about your story as a money mindset coach.

Serena
Yeah. Hi, everybody. Hi, I'm so happy to be here with you. And with Wendy to record this. My origin story of my business, I was actually just sharing this with Wendy in full detail. It starts with the death of my big brother. And I was 40 years old and he was 47. And I consider 40 years old to sort of, honestly really pull my life together to be a little bit on the late end. I fancy myself a little bit of a late bloomer. 

It's never too late that I was fully sort of I like to call it Peter panning isn't just, Whatever, whatever I need to get through, it's later, later Later, I'll figure it out. Don't worry about it. And he was 47 when he died. And that was 13 months after a cancer diagnosis. And so I think that I'm sure a lot of your I'm sure every your, your community, your listeners, but we all know someone who died too young. And I understand 47 As you know, thankfully not a child. But it was the first time it honestly occurred to me that we're not all guaranteed 75 good years and a body. 

I think that was just my sort of unchecked unconscious belief that other than truly horrible situations. That was just sort of a given, if you sort of take care of your body, you probably live to 75 or so before things start falling apart. And, you know, 47 is not 75. And no, it's not 50. And I want to I want to share with your community that that's so much a part of how I became a money mindset mentor coach, like the mash up of Let's burn the patriarchy down with love. Let's make a lot of money. And let's remember that money. On the other side of money. There's always people, one of the things that I know Wendy and I talk about that I'll share with you guys that means so much because you said it's so I don't remember how we got on it, Wendy, but reverence for the art of making and stewarding money, we don't worship money. It's not about that it is about standing in our creative power our agency in our connection to ourselves and other humans. 

And since at this time on the planet, and probably for the next few 100 years. We use currency. And even if it wasn't money, even if we traded shells, even if we traded, you know Whataburger, whatever it was like something. goods and services and Whataburger as a form of currency, whatever it is like. It's never ever about money. It's about our willingness to receive. It's our willingness to ask for support. And it's our willingness to give support, knowing more is always coming.

Wendy
Oh my gosh. And in a season of grief and loss, whether it's acute or it's happened whenever it happened, it is difficult to remind a brain and a heart that more is available one because we get so scared, we've just lost something so significant or we've lost multiple things, and to entertain the idea of receiving feels sometimes risky. Was that part of your experience?

Serena 
100% The good news is the bad news. I was so screwed financially. When, when my big brother was diagnosed. I was in a job that I hated. And I knew I really knew I wanted to be a coach and entrepreneur I knew that I just didn't have I didn't have the eggs. And I just genuinely wasn't there yet. 

So I was in this job and it sucked but it paid well enough even though it was paycheck to paycheck because cleaning up previous financial history is fun fact, listeners money is never about the money. It's never about pounding. Right? As Wendy news. It's like nope, that's not it. So, I when Anthony died, I had been pushed out of my job two weeks earlier. And oh, yeah, I didn't know that part. Yep, two weeks, two weeks. And so in an apartment, and then even more fun, I had already given notice in my apartment. And that had like, you have to give I live in Austin, Texas, you guys have to give two months notice or something. So that was before I was pushed out of my job. And then my brother's dead. So I had no money. I literally and I'd had a bankruptcy from 2008. So this was 2018. For all those listening here it falls off your credit and seven years? No, not since 2008. It doesn't. So it was still accurate. It was 10 years still active. 

And yeah, I was, where am I even going to live, I don't have a job to show a prospective. You know, apartment complexes like to see things where you work, and big brother was dead. So when that happened, of course, I was just sort of gutted. And genuinely, you know, spent my days crying. And so it was, it was a huge reckoning and an awakening. And I think that if I had been in a different circumstance, it makes sense to me that if people have I'm using air quotes here, listeners, but you know enough money that you wanted them, batten down the hatches and not spend anything just sort of, circle the wagons and cocoon. 

But thank you, literally thanks to everything holy, that was unavailable for me. And in so many ways, my actual requirement to bring money in really, really, in the next few weeks, there wasn't even you know, a three month runway saved me, emotionally saved me because I was required to learn, figure out what it was get a job or start a consulting and I started as a consultant, I flipped into coaching later. It required me to not cocoon, completely from the world. It required me to not circle the wagons and go underwater for five years. And I'm so grateful I have a history of depression. In hindsight, I'm like oh, it was not medicine I enjoyed at the time. But being on the hook for myself financially, was the medicine I needed.

Wendy
Talk about self supporting. So could we go into a little bit about more emotional self supporting, because I love that you are on the hook and active about it for yourself. But there is also the element of yeah, my big brother just died. And the heartbreak. Yeah,

Serena 
Listen, guys, when you work for yourself, in particular, it's great. I remember, working on a proposal, and then I cry, I don't remember how long it took. But, I gave myself permission, I don't know how many weeks it was before I wear makeup. And I gave myself permission. You know, I cried when I needed to cry, which was regularly and actually, I will say I think it was a bit of an advantage to using the term loosely because you know, when your big brother dies at 47, it's not cool. The advantage in play is I've just had grief, I just had grief. And I think that when people have the grief of my experience when my former partner and I split up, it was like I was almost ashamed of that grief, not six months later, okay, but we weren't married, so I shouldn't be this upset. Six months later. It's like, No, we weren't married, but we live together. I built a business with him. He changed my whole life, but I felt shame about that grief. So I definitely hid that kept that to nights and weekends as best I could. But I think you know, when an adult maybe loses a parent when it's a divorce, when it's a non divorce, but we lived together for three years, as was my experience. It's so easy to, shame ourselves for our grief and be horrible to ourselves and be like I should be further along. Or I shouldn't cry about this anymore. Which is of course not true. And I know you're that.

Wendy 
Right, totally not true. And we are unaccustomed to what is that to navigate? Because, like grief, for one thing is not the same as grief for something else. Plus, you know, your big brother is one of your oldest relationships here on this planet.

Serena 
He was here my whole life until he wasn't. And so it was like, Wait, why?

Wendy 
It doesn't make sense that he's not here. And I am like these are relevant and valid. Yeah, yeah.

Serena 
And yet I gave myself permission because it was, I felt justified if I may have been like, he shouldn't be dead at 47 He shouldn't have died. There's all these stories and in a way that was helpful for me because I literally remember being in line at Whole Foods and I was crying again. I wasn't wailing, seeking attention, but it was like I'm crying and I'm crying in line at Whole Foods and that's what's up. And the lady actually asked You got it. She was the cashier. And I, well, my big brother died recently. And she was like, Oh, wow, I'm sorry. And then she was like, I'm gonna wow you and I was like what's wow me. And she was like, I couldn't even comprehend by the way. She's saying, I'm gonna wow you I'm standing there like, she's checking my grocery government does that mean and she found me my day to be wow, I don't know, like, everything was slower in the grief, everything was so slow. It was like every time I heard a word, it was new, and I needed to hear the whole sentence before my brain could process it. 

And friends of Wendy, let me just tell you, I'm notorious for talking fast and thinking faster. But everything slowed down because everything was heavy. And so yeah, in the end, she like, picked up these two like snacky things that I love, I swear to God, I couldn't afford it really, really, really quick for it. But I was treating myself because I was, you know, grieving. And she said, we're just going to pay for these Whole Foods, we're just going to pay for these and just want to wow, you and I just remember like, a receiving the gift of I swear to God, it was 10 or 15 bucks off my bill, which was a deal. And receiving the gesture, just the kindness of a human recognizing pain and not trying to take it away, but also just just being lovely.

Wendy 
That feel like were you able to receive that kind of immediately? Did you receive that for days?

Serena 
It changed my whole life. That's why I have a business. So I was literally just about to say I love that we're on the same wavelength. Wendy, if this you guys, my heart was broken open. My heart was broken open, I want you to think of like a ceramic heart that has no entry points. I was definitely emotionally constipated prior, I was definitely super guarded for all the different reasons that my life I perceived as having been particularly challenging. And it's like if you think of a ceramic heart, and now think of smashing it on the sidewalk, and it breaks into 10,000 pieces, my heart was broken. Open. 

And I think that might that might be one of Anthony's parting gifts to me, is that just an openness, that's where the love gets in. And in short order. As you know, I started the consulting business, which not too long later turned into coaching and then the money mindset really revealed itself. That was, that was not my intention. When I started coaching. I was a general coach, I coach people on relationships, I coached people on moving across the country and changing their career after 20 years, like I was just a general coach until I realized the energy of money. 

And I were real good friends. And I would do well to help share what I have learned with everyone. But I met my now ex. And I'm like, because my heart was broken open. Oh, yeah. I wouldn't have been able to receive His love. Had we, I mean, technically we met at a wedding, but he was busy being married years earlier. So there was no romantic anything. But we reconnected and quote, met and connected and my heart was open to love in a way it had never been my whole life. I had always been the kind of person who I I'm very clear, took too much pride in independence, I would call it toxic independence. And I would shut off the patriarchy for teaching me that that's a valuable or good trait. 

Right. And in Anthony's death, I was I mean, I was just, you know, it's just gutted. So if someone said, can I helped you with this? I was like, actually, that'd be great. And it was the human connection I was hungry for and I wasn't ashamed to be hungry for it. I took hugs from everybody I ran into, remember, I was pushed out of my job. I ran into someone who I knew from a part of my job at the very end is I did like a weekly radio representation for the company. And this guy was on the same radio show as a guest. And I ran into him and he's, he's a BFD, he literally is like fosse of Austin City Limits here in Austin as in like the venue that does live music. Not the festival, that part two, but like the whole thing. 

So I run into him at this like small console, I swear to God, it's the first time out of my house, and probably a month, whatever. And he's like, Hey, I heard about how that all went down. I'm really sorry. And I was like, you know, thank you and who I was even months earlier would have been so ashamed that he knew that I was pushed out or unwanted or fired. And instead, it was like I was able to receive His kindness of like, that's not cool. I'm sorry, that happened to you. And then you are pointing to like, how are you? What are you even doing? And I was like, well, mostly I cry and sometimes I color and then I cry again. 

Yeah. forever because he was like, That sounds about right. Your brother died. But it was just this. I'm so guarded and calculating. Previously, I would have never just been like, I cry and sometimes I color and then I cry as an adult coloring books. And he was like, Yeah, that sounds exactly right. This is good. This is good. And I didn't have some wild shame or drama. What does he think about me? I was like, I don't care. And what I experienced of him was he thought, excellent self care. That sounds

Wendy 
So lovely. So lovely. Wow. All right. Thank you for naming that. That's such a huge thing to just, sort of when something totally rocks your world to be so unmoored. And like, I'm getting a sense you didn't say it outright, but like priorities change when your world gets rocked under. So like you going into the consulting, job and then coaching like you had always wanted, it kind of speeds the process on priorities.

Serena 
I realized this is not a dress rehearsal, I realized in a way that I'd never realized before, like, we get one life, maybe more than one line, but I got this one life happened. And now so like, this is not a dress rehearsal, none of this, you know, I'll do this in three years or two years or three months and not an urgency scarcity. Now now now, not a hungry ghost now, but like, what if I savor this life, right here now not 10 pounds from now not $10,000 from now, not new job title for now, not after I find out how I'm gonna pay bills, like just, I was just present and I was aware and it back to what you said about priorities and receiving. My heart being broken open, and then being able to receive just emotional support different support from people. I was more connected than I've been in years, like maybe 10, to fellow humans. And like, once we drink that punch, as you know, like, once we drink that punch, there's no going back. There's like, Why would you lie like this false. 

The false idol of independent or interdependence, or I don't need to borrow money. I borrowed money, like the consulting did fairly well, fairly quickly. But I remember at one point, like maybe three or four months after Anthony stuff, I think three, I think it was out soon, realizing I needed and I found a different place to live. And it was like, Oh, my God, I need to tell that story. So I was like, gonna live with some kid I found on Craigslist, because remember, you guys don't have a W2 to proof employment. I don't have cash. I've cashed in what was left of my 401k. Like, all of us don't have money story. So I was like, Alright, I'm gonna share space. I like found a kid on Craigslist. I thought, Oh, my God, I'm gonna literally share a bathroom with a 25 year old kid. But I knew he was safe. I knew he would do me no harm. I knew he wouldn't harm the cats. That's all that's truly important. And I was like, he's a good guy. He's safe. That's it. The Price Is Right. I don't need a W2. I'll be here for six months. I'm sure people will make fun of me. I don't care. Like they're not my people. They don't matter as far as to me. 

And so I had this one apartment to look at downtown Austin on Rainey street overlooking Town Lake. And I was like, alright, well, let me just look at that. But like, I can't afford it. And I met the guy. And he had that apartment was like, actually, I'm already engaged. I don't live here anymore. How about I just, why don't you pay me what you're gonna pay to share that other apartment. And so I effectively paid half of what the real rent was, he was thrilled because he was like, I know you're not gonna burn the place down. I can't find someone to take over the lease, I'll just instead of hemorrhaging 2k a month, I'll just lose 1k a month, you'll have housing. Literally, he discovered he was like, I looked on LinkedIn. And you're friends with one of my friends. I went to MBA school with anyways, he said, You're good people. So if you want to do this, let's do this. never talked to the guy again, just send him my check every month, and it was no problem. 

So like receiving, because the version of me previously would have been so ashamed. Like, you know, this other 40 year old man knows that I really can't afford this place on my own. Instead, it was just like, what a blessing Thank you. Let me move in. And then just right, just blessing, blessings and receiving and it was this. I gave up the pretense of looking like I have my shit together, which allowed me to get my shit together.

Wendy 
Thank you for saying because somebody who's listening is like, deep in shame and deep in like being locked in. And that has a lot to do with how it looks. That's always what they think it should be what they think it shouldn't be.

Serena 
Yes. How we've been socialized versus how we're supposed to. We're supposed to have more money. We're supposed to have had a better insurance policy. If a loved one died. We're supposed to not have as many bills. We're supposed to be further along. We're supposed to have, you know, people who are automatically thinking to bring us food. We're not supposed to ask someone, can you bring me a casserole?

Wendy 
Right? Or text me and check in and just make sure that I have some sort of connection in it? Yes, yeah, it is.

Serena 
So and when did I talk about this all the time, and I'm sure your listeners have heard this from you before, but I want to say it again. It's burning the internalized patriarchy down with love to remove the shame.

Wendy 
You're the first person to say this. Oh, you're on my podcast. Oh, well, okay. Yeah. Please say please say mark. Yeah, hi, everybody.

Serena 
It's not just like the patriarchy is the worst. It is the worst, but it's burning it down with love for ourselves. So like dropping the shame story. What does it mean? So back to my example, when I was like grabbing my grandmother, can I borrow $10,000 Like That's a big deal where I was financially, by the way, you guys and since 2018, and I became a coach in 2019. I'm at 2 million cash collectives in 2019. As a coach, you can make money fast, this whole money mindset thing. But back then 10k was literally to pay the rent and the car payment on the Jetta and to eat. And it still didn't cover exactly everything, but it was almost three months. And I asking her for 10k was so shameful. 

I was also asked my dad earlier who said no, and then yelled at me and shamed me. Thanks, dad. In fairness, he buried us unreasonably so we were not our best selves. In fairness, he that was my, my big brother was his son. So I want to yep, I want to know, we're good. Now. All that to say, I chose dignity for myself. Not just as an act of anti patriarchy. But because I again, there was reverence and I have this one life, I want to I want to live a good life. I don't care what it looks like, I want to make it good. So if it looks like I don't have my shit together when it 40 I'm asking my grandmother for $10,000. And she's literally like, How is this even happening? Then Then, so be it. And I want your listeners and community to know I love my grandmother. She's still alive. 96 as of yesterday, happy birthday, Grammy. Grammy is fierce. Grammy was like, Yes, but I'm not sending you 10k I'm only sending you eight and I don't think you'll ever repay me. Like it came completely with a shame helping. And what I'm so proud of. 

I had chosen dignity for myself. And just as we said, I decided, I don't care how it looks. I'm going to make this a structurally sound, nourishing life. And so I like took her helping of shame and like, honestly didn't receive that. I was like, Okay. She's like checks in the mail. I'm like, cool. Thank you so much. What I really meant was, thank you so much. That's it the end like she needed to say something that made it makes sense for her. Okay, we don't have to receive other people's judgment. They are allowed to give it to us. We don't have to drink the punch. 

And then like, yeah, it was the first time I set myself up. In my whole life. Remember, I was 40 Oops, it was the first time in my whole life, I really set myself up for success. And not can I borrow $700 so that I make this month's rent, but who knows. I'll be calling you back and three more weeks or four. It was like let me get a little bit of breathing room, a little bit of runway underneath me. So this plane can take off.

Wendy 
Right? Wow, that's self care.

Serena 
That is self care. Thank you. I hope everyone in your community of hearing that self care is not just Manny's and petits it is asking for what we want, even when it's literally terrifying. And even when it's potentially truly going to inconvenience other people. If it is truly going to nourish you, it's also secretly probably going to nourish them as well, because they get to be a part of it.

Wendy
Yes. Literally, we we love being asked for help, usually when we can and aren't available. And we get to be included, which is also part of connection. Amazing. Hey while I'm thinking about it, can we talk would you speak please to the connection between grief or heartbreak and money mindset? Like I sort of broach this topic in the in the pre recording the pre recording a few minutes before but like any insights around grief and how it works for or against money mindset, like with help, when you're grieving? What does that look like for like, whatever comes to you.

Serena 
I want to speak from two different angles. But the first one is, grief is a part of a healthy money mindset. Just like grief is a part of a well lived and love good life.

Wendy 
Thank you. Oh my gosh. Yeah,

Serena 
I guys, I didn't know at first what Wendy coached on. And then when I found that it was grief. I was like, of course because Wendy you're so luminous. You're so joyful. And I'm like, right, because people often try to spackle fake joy and fake, you know, radiance and fake luminosity. You can't fake the funk. And we can't go higher than we're willing to go deep slash low, but I just mean deep and I'm in grief. And if we're lucky, we grieve. 

Our bodies change as we grow older, if we're lucky. We grieve, love lost, whether it's death, or we part as I did with my partner, and like the grief and everyone knows listening to this, it aches, but it's like but there was love, like, what a treasure how lucky am I and how so there is not a well lived or well loved life without grief. And I think it's a tragedy that so many people will try to and I did it till my brother died so no judgment to anybody, but like, try to like skate over it. And again, I did it when my partner and I split because I felt like well but we weren't even married and you know, I had all these stories where I shamed myself after what I thought was an acceptable amount of grief, which is not how this works. 

But it's saying was money mindset, because if you're going to make millions, which just listeners, I want to make sure we're on the same page, my understanding of money isn't as an invisible, unlimited energy, just like creativity, just like love. We're not worried that we're going to run out of love on the planet. Like if I hug a friend, we both walk away with more love. It's just like creativity. Nobody, I don't think all the poems have been written all of the songs have been written or sung. Like it's in the invisible world, and we just need to steward it, bring it forward, just like love like, I hug Wendy, we feel that love. If I write a song, now that song gets to move through the world. Same thing with making stewarding having money. So adding that unlimited component to it. Making millions is not harder than making 40,000 a year. It's just something you learn as far as sort of like, sort of like if you know how to make one pizza, you know how to make two pizzas, or 10 pizzas, if you have a large oven, sort of that sort of like same concept, you just expand it, all that to say, there will be grief, because there will be grief over number one, previous financial mistakes.

Number two, there will be grief for things you didn't know. Like, even in my business. It's like I learned something and I like I grieve for the version of Serena who didn't know how to say no, or thought she had to do X, Y or Z like it. It makes me grief, I feel sad. I feel like Oh God, I wish I knew that 10 years ago, but I didn't. So I grieve it. And then something I have said, because it hit me one day when someone was going through a breakup, every literal and proverbial king queen, or non binary sovereign is coordinated in grief. 

How they get to the throne is all of that died. Like and it is literally them to get went down. Yeah, yep. And it's the same for all of us. It's like we forget we forget we're like, Oh, someone's on the throne. This is so exciting. And even again, in our life, and it's like you will not get to your next level you will not take the proverbial throne that is yours to serve your queendom your kingdom as only you can help some grief. There will be things we have to let go of and things we will have to say my god that was beautiful. And now it's over.

Wendy 
Right? Growing through that is excruciating. Yeah. No wonder we turn into goo. Like between you know, Caterpillar and butterfly, there is a tremendous bucket of goo. Yep. Yeah, it's brutal and worth it.

Serena 
Totally worth it. And since we were socialized in a patriarchy, we're not supposed to have goo we're supposed to be linear. We're supposed to fit in our container nice and tidy. Lid on the container. And it's like, no man. Like, show me a creative process that doesn't have a messy middle.

Wendy 
And this is true, same, same, same, same thing. So like the three days of bereavement if for those who are employed on the planet, like, yeah, three days, get it together. No, go ahead and attend. And then you know, back in the game, this is like, complete and utter bullshit. And does not work with our human bodies

Serena
Wildly insufficient.

Wendy 
Let's just call it like it is outrageous. Yeah.

Serena 
Wildly insufficient. It is. It is it is a travesty. I do give credit. Is it Sheryl Sandberg who when she lost her husband wrote the book, I think it's called not Plan B, but option B. And I think that's true. Literally talked about changing their bereavement plans at the company she's at now, including for contractors because she realized she was like, look, I have all the money in the world and a support system and still, this is the worst. So what happens and back to your point about money, mindset and greed. You know, I can tell you all about the unlimited creative energy of money I can also assure everyone listening, we have to learn how to be in loving, healthy relationship with it and when you are dealing with the double whammy of grief and not enough money in your like feeling like it's not enough. It's It's horrific. It's terrifying. It can also be for anyone listening. It was the catalyst long before identified as a money mindset coach and mentor. It was the catalyst that woke me up I felt this is so cheesy Wendy. Let's never tell anyone that I'm about to say this with a straight face but I am. The diamond was born from the squeeze the cold got squeezed. It was 100%

Wendy 
Yeah, just comes right into sharp focus. Yep, sharp, sharp focus can't live anymore. 

Serena 
I want to make sure that I make enough money that I can take care of myself and my cats and Everything else is bonus. But like no more paycheck to paycheck, were in the middle of my grief. I'm writing a proposal except I cried all day, every day. Because to your point, bills had to be paid. I still had to move like

Wendy 
Yeah, this is and this is part of the path. And this is part of the process. This is like, it wasn't just like, and then boom, there was a money mindset. And then everything was super fixer ramaa me all the time. No, this is like, Okay, we learn toward this, we go in that direction. And like, we fall and scrape our knees pretty good. Every so often. Yeah, I do. I am.

Serena 
I still do. Like, there's no perfection. I actually love the bicycle metaphor, or sometimes like, talking about cooking, and that I identify as being an excellent cook. And also sometimes I'm just not paying attention. And it's like, oh, sorry about that. Sorry about those scrambled eggs. Right? And that it's like, I know how to do it. I just wasn't paying attention for any number of reasons I made a mistake and doesn't shift my identity. 

And actually, I wanted to speak to that. I think the blessing that's available in grief. And especially when people work, obviously, I'm obsessed with you, Wendy. Obviously, I'm obsessed with coaching, like make no apologies. But it's like grief melts down our whole identity to do as you were saying, and I'm like, it is an opportunity to intentionally lovingly decide, I get to have a say in that next form of butterfly. Like, I'm going to make choices eyes wide open. Not I've lost my identity. Now what if I've lost my identity? I'm recreating it, because I know that my true identity is my soul. Not exterior presentations.

Wendy 
Right. And sometimes that's hard to get to like for you as you were listening who are like, Yeah, I don't see an opportunity at this moment. Crap. Totally. And there's time and space like this is still an option. Yes.

Serena
And looking for the opportunity. Because I feel like I'm just like when we misplace our house keys. There 99% of the time, not always, but 99% of the time. It's when we like, Stop, get still and reason. Like remember, nothing happens till I find these house keys. Then it's like the brain is like, did you look in the bathtub, because you put your keys by the bath last night when you were running, you know, something ridiculous. But the point is, right, it's there. That is an option. 

Wendy 
Yeah, yeah. And like the contrast to like, I love so much that you brought up identity. And because when we're working through and navigating through, tremendous loss or multiple losses, there were so many things that are true all at once, and the brain tries really hard to be, one at a time, please. Which is true, like it's true one at a time, but it's trying to be like, Okay, if this is true, then this cannot be true. And there's so much contrast that is exactly true, including, I'm starting a business, my heart is completely broken. I have no idea how the next few $1,000 are coming in. But there's some part of me that is also sure that it's it is I can't explain that. 

And that's like not having an explanation, explanation. Or having a figure it out thing with our brain is something that is people are not used to. So when we say all these things are true, like they died, they're out of pain. I'm heartbroken and lonely. But I'm glad that they are not suffering. But I also have this other thing to worry about, like these are all things that are true. So validating versus, I'm only going to validate this one, because it sounds good and looks good. And and then I won't have to like feel my feeling of being heartbroken. Or being complex, complex, just around, wow, that's a lot of things to feel all of that is true. Um, has to sit down, I have to lay down alot of that. 

Serena 
I love how you explained all of that. And it's so true. It's like, oh, God, that's the blessing in the burden is like, it doesn't have to be one thing at a time. And I do know a lot of coaches and assuming your listeners are not all coaches, but so many coaches are like one thing at a time. And it's like the thing that's cool about just a shattered identity. Who am I without this person? Now what if you want if you want and you don't have to want but if you want it, the thing that's cool about a shattered identity is that like, Okay, you get to build it, you get to decide. I chose that aside, taking actual nourishing care of me. Long term is the new priority. Ready and it was super inconvenient short term. It was many months before it figured out that like, okay, now I know what I'm doing financially more than a year. 

And it was, it was, you know, even as you were saying it's like right I lost the job Anthony was dead two weeks later, I had to be out of my apartment like three weeks after that I had to find a place with no w two, like, everything was changing. And yet it's like that was the opportunity. I decided I belong to myself on a whole new level and for the first time ever. 

Wendy 
Oh Serena, that is right on time. Oh, God, I appreciate you for like, this whole time, all of these minutes and all of your words and hurt. What have I not asked or have we not talked about that you would like to talk about?

Serena 
I would like to talk to you for always and forever, which totally jumps my memory that I'm like, friends, Wendy is in the mastermind that I offer. So for those of you who are coaches, entrepreneurs, or really about your career, it's called the Holy Wow Mastermind and we maintain a reference for not like, for money. We love money, but we don't glamorize it. But a reverence for the process of being with ourselves and loving ourselves and all of our emotions. As we grow our business. There's none of this patriarchal, can't be sad, can't be mad, nice and tidy. We're not learning. 

We're just being ourselves and making money. applications open in April so if that is of interest to you, or if you want to catch me on the socials or find my info, Serenahicks.com Serena spelled like that amazing tennis player. Spelled same same. She's a little younger than me. But same thing. So Serenahicks.com? Or, of course, you'll check the show notes. I know Wendy and her team will have it so that you can find me. And then it's gonna be so easy. I want to say I want to celebrate that I have you Wendy in the mastermind through the end of this calendar year.

Wendy 
Oh, hell yes, you do. Oh, honey, I hope this is the wind ever.

Serena 
But for sure through the end of this year. And that blows my mind. It is delicious and nourishing. And I just want to celebrate that and I love the work that you're doing. And for any listener, any part of the Wendy community if you feel overwhelmed by grief, I just want to say like we love you, and we see you and I am an unapologetic unabashed in my life coaching changes lives. 

Reach out to Wendy, have a consult whatever it takes. I am privileged to get to be in rooms with you, Wendy, as your coach and friend, I imagined and it like lights me up with energy like think stars little star crystal glitters to work with you, you hold and I've seen you do it with peers. So many times you hold the space with such tenderness and you can slow things down, to really tease out the nuances and the difference in emotions, and to really like let people unlock the feelings and become I mean, I think without grief as a tool, so many of us are emotionally illiterate, not a personal insult just speaking for myself on that. The moral compass, right, like, I'm not fine, I'm angry.

Wendy 
I have no idea.

Serena
1000 different emotions that we could play with here. It's just a gift and I see it and I celebrate it. So anyone who's like I've been thinking about working with work on it hurry up, go get in there on the console call number one and then number two. Thank you to Wendy and thank you to everyone who does even just listening to this podcast like doing doing work to be with ourselves and love ourselves. Because I know most of us can complain about the world on the outside but like it always starts with us on the inside. We can't take better care of them than we take of ourselves. So taking excellent loving care tender, loving, non judgmental care of herself is how we and everyone around us pur the ripple out effect. Make them more authentically loving, awake world.

Wendy 
Yep, that's what we're doing. Oh my gosh, thank you 100 times, I would like to close with just a little note because I've been following you Serena for a while, like over a year and you had a mastermind that was called something else and it was big and it was happy and it was also aligned and reflective of you but I wasn't buying it literally because of the word happy and what I know of life experience. 

So as soon as you started talking about Holy Wow, mastermind as a title and you said the word reverend, I was in with that. So like that, use your own intuition for all the listeners. What is calling you. What are you You drawn to because that is accurate, according to your own emotional GPS, so follow it, follow, follow. Go ahead and follow Serena Hicks because she's hilarious and real. So find me there. Find yourself there. And Serena, all my biggest love and wholehearted hug for you being here, 

Serena
Wendy, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you. I mean it

Wendy 
So good. 

Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me, for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this career and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute Free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together. 

If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel a little bit better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up. Heck yeah, we will. Till then, take really good care. Bye bye

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