Episode 63: On Doing New Things, Feeling Like It, and Loss
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Are you ready to take new small steps?
In this episode of Heart Healing From Loss, Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker talks about being ready to do new things during a season of grief and loss. Opening yourself up to new things can be a way to navigate difficult feelings and make progress on your journey. However, taking on new things during a season of loss can feel scary and risky. Small, manageable steps. The trick? Don’t do too much at once. Wendy shares how you can start doing new things in small, manageable ways. This may help pave the way for adding back some variety to life, breaking up the monotony and breathing new life into the healing you are doing. |
Wendy shares how trying new small things lead to healing.
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But, Wendy reminds us, being ready is an important piece of this, so keep your own timeline in mind and only do what feels right for you.
You are Invited:
If you are ready to connect with someone to support you in your journey with grief and loss, reach out to Wendy for a complimentary call at https://www.wendysloneker.com/.
You are Invited:
If you are ready to connect with someone to support you in your journey with grief and loss, reach out to Wendy for a complimentary call at https://www.wendysloneker.com/.
As seen on: |
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You are listening to the Heart Healing from Loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode 63. Hello. And from where I am, Saturday morning, good morning. It is the day after our St. Patrick's Day that is the 18th.
And wanted to talk today about doing new things, feeling like it during a season of loss. So what I want to say and assure you is that I'm not going to tell you that you have to do anything. Nope. But I will share that based on my experience of walking through a lot of different dynamically, life changing losses, plural, that there's lots of opportunity to experiment.
So if you've been in it a while or you're in it, and it's acute, and it just happened, you're still feeling shock or numb, I'm not going to hurry you out of these feelings. And I'm also going to say a couple of things that you may want to try on. These are things that helped me little by little, it all adds up, it all counts, showing up, you listening to this podcast from wherever you are is an indicator that there may be a part of you that is ready to hear this. And that's all that's all that needs to be. That's all that that is you get to decide.
So part of what I was talking about just a second ago about experimenting. What I mean by that is there's opportunities every day, even if the day feels the same, the day feels the same, the day feels the same as yesterday. If you're experiencing your own personal Groundhog's Day, with grief and loss due to either death, or divorce, or multiple changes, or pet loss, or other things that you're just trying to unpack and walk through. Yep, lots of opportunities. Here's the thing. It could be that you can't see them or identify them, because you need to focus on other things like rest, or functioning in, you know, maybe you're back at work after the loss of a loved one. And you're just trying to get through the day. Valid, affirming and valid. And I get that and there may come a time because there does come a time. When you're feeling like you may have it in you there's a part of, there's a part of you that is ready for a little something new. Just a little something new, a little switch just to shake it up, break it up. The feelings just so something about your day is different. And here's the list can be long, but coming up with that list can be baffling, exhausting, I'm gonna throw a couple things out, that could be just a little bit different, that will also feel doable, and you get to try them on, maybe what I share is going to give you a launchpad for other things that you might want to entertain or consider. So take what you like and leave the rest.
Doing new things can feel risky. So I want to acknowledge that before I go any further. It can feel risky. If you're in a season of loss or you just feel like I've lost plenty and risky does not feel good at all. Totally 100% 100% I'm holding space for the part of you that would be willing. At some point, maybe today, maybe not to go to work taking one different street or going and looping around one different corner that maybe you've just never been on before because honestly, if you're in a season of loss or unpacking. You've never been here before.
So paralleling that with something that is safe and a little bit new can be something that helps you sort of get used to the concept of doing things that are new that are going to be Okay, because aliveness, a sense of aliveness does need space. So new can come in. It doesn't always feel great. And that is just a can't be a part of it. So when I talk about doing new things, doing new things, we don't know really what's going to happen. And so having it be something safe, like I know where my work is, or I know where the grocery store is, it could be, you know, take one different street, or a slightly different route to fill in the blank, where you're going anyway, whether you're walking or biking, or karting, or training, commuting, whatever it is, a little bit different, do you get off at one stop, and then go back.
Because that can be it can leave yourself time and room just to see something in the world, that's a little bit different to expand a little bit in a safe way, that is, you know, it doesn't feel as risky, as, you know, doing something else that is huge or major and you know, going to a party where you don't really know anybody, like for me when I was in grief and loss, that's a hard pass no.
But trying a different fruit or vegetable that I've never picked up from the grocery store, or trying a different snack food just to break up my own inside habitual routine. So I'm introducing something new and thoughtful, that I might be interested or curious about. So these are valid things. So I've offered a couple already gonna offer a couple more. And that could be, you know, you experiment with a different kind of coffee drink.
And it could be, you know, instead of the regular vanilla latte, that you try a French vanilla latte, or you try, something seasonal that isn't here all the time, in order to just give yourself something that's new and something that's different. So it doesn't feel like it's the same all the time. Are you always going to feel like it? No. Do you have to do things when you don't feel like it? No, you do not. You get 100% choice and rights for your own experience.
I want to bring it back to the timing. Because this is something people are really interested in. And they're scared about. A lot of clients are scared about or prospective clients are scared about it. So if this is you, let's talk a little bit about timing. There comes a time when you know you're ready. And you're the only one who's going to know what that time is. So I support you trusting that there's going to be a time a nice man had a quote about timing. And it's similar, it really lends itself I'm going to have to look it up because it's just occurring to me now. I'm gonna give you a taste of it, it's not going to be verbatim because I don't have that brain or that skill. So it's something about there comes a time when it's too hard to stay in the bud and it's time to open up a little bit of bloom. And some blooms happen rapidly and some do not.
So each loss event, each life event, each relationship is different and unique to the person to each person so to you everything that is going on with you has gone on with you. Every relationship every loss every life event is unique and individual to you. There's gonna come a time when being in grief and loss is too tight and too small, and you're ready to bloom out of, it doesn't have to be all at once. This is similar to when it's time for a baby to be born. It's too uncomfortable to stay in this other person. It's time to go.
And energetically there's a trust and a naturalness to it. Same with grief and loss. You're getting used to an integrating a lot of new information based on whatever it is you're going through in order to move forward and sometimes we need some rest, rest and sleep are really big obstacles in our day and age because we have so much anxiety and worry that go with it. And some of us have some guilt that we don't know what to do with or how to get rid of. Some of us have resentment and bitterness that we don't know what to do with, or how to get rid of it. Or move through it, I'll say move through it rather than get rid of it. But I think you understand what I'm saying about, it's just always there. And I don't know what to do with it. I don't know how to feel it. I don't know how to let it go. And so this interrupts our sleep and our rest, because our nervous systems are up up up all the time.
Doing something new is going to give your whole system something else to experience, rather than the same. Maybe it's a different recipe, or a different lunch. thing, a different drink, a different way of walking your dog, maybe you go into a store you've never been in before you drive yourself through a neighborhood you've never been in before. You could go and do an exercise in the gym, if you're there that you've never been in before. If hygiene is tough, and it is for a lot of people who are in grief and loss, encouraging yourself with a really soft washcloth, maybe something trying a different soap, shampoo, conditioner.
You know, it could be so many things that are tiny and new. The trick to this is which is not a trick is that you get to work with yourself in counting it as progress. So this is difficult for a lot of us who are you know, just trying to work with a brain that is anxious, worried a nervous system that is anxious, worried feeling a lot of feelings that are unpleasant, unwanted? Your life experience or your dynamic or seasonal laws may include something you did not sign up for. It may include something you didn't sign up for, and you're still having feelings, this is all valid. This is so much change going on right now. So allowing it to count is part of the work.
And you may, there may be a part of your brain that's pooh poohing it and just saying, yeah, that's not actually going to get me through, blah, blah, blah. And it may not get you all the way through in one tiny little magic bullet action, but it's going to start you and it gets to count. There's no one saying it doesn't count. The only one saying it doesn't count is you. So what feels better? You want to feel better. Some of us do and some of us do not. Not ready. It's totally okay, there's going to come a time when you're going to know and you're going to be ready and you're going to be tired of this again. This again. This again, maybe you paint your nails, totally different color for fun. Maybe you explore with just a different makeup or you pluck or shave all your eyebrows just to have something different.
Stranger things have happened. You may think that's radical stranger things have happened. I when I'm going through something, I tend to get myself a significant haircut, or shave it all off. Starting over I don't care. And that's something that that sometimes works for me depending on where I'm at. Up to you, you get to do you maybe it's makeup or fake tattoos or whatever it is. Maybe it's real tattoos, I don't know.
But a little bit of new that is thoughtful and not going to hurt or harm you the risk level is very low. The just try to do it level is also very low. Maybe you try new jelly or a new peanut butter. Maybe you try just something the tiniest bit different. One degree of difference. Even the thought I never thought that before maybe I could count it. Maybe I could count this just to give yourself a little bit of new breath it totally counts. And I support your timing. No matter what that is. Thinking of you, I'm off to go and do something different today.
I've been studying Reiki since last year with Suzy Parker Goins, who is a delight. She's a local channel and medium here in the Seattle area, the greater Seattle area. So I've been studying Reiki with her. And I am going to the me we festival in Lynwood. Usually I offer handmade goods. And just sundries, assorted sundries, usually they're knitted or sewn. Today I am offering a service which is gentle grief shifting. What with Reiki? Yeah, yeah, so I'm going to try it out. I don't know what's going to happen. It does feel a little bit risky is definitely new. And I'm showing up. That's how I'm gonna do if you're local to the area. I’d love to have you come join me and say hello. If you've heard that in the background, that was my dog, Rosie, shaking her first nap off of the day. I hope it's a sweet, easy week for you. And I look forward to connecting with you soon. Okay, see you next week.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. But you know, there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this. Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection calm. It's a 45 minute Free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together.
If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up. Heck yeah, we will. All right. Till then take really good care. Bye bye
You are listening to the Heart Healing from Loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode 63. Hello. And from where I am, Saturday morning, good morning. It is the day after our St. Patrick's Day that is the 18th.
And wanted to talk today about doing new things, feeling like it during a season of loss. So what I want to say and assure you is that I'm not going to tell you that you have to do anything. Nope. But I will share that based on my experience of walking through a lot of different dynamically, life changing losses, plural, that there's lots of opportunity to experiment.
So if you've been in it a while or you're in it, and it's acute, and it just happened, you're still feeling shock or numb, I'm not going to hurry you out of these feelings. And I'm also going to say a couple of things that you may want to try on. These are things that helped me little by little, it all adds up, it all counts, showing up, you listening to this podcast from wherever you are is an indicator that there may be a part of you that is ready to hear this. And that's all that's all that needs to be. That's all that that is you get to decide.
So part of what I was talking about just a second ago about experimenting. What I mean by that is there's opportunities every day, even if the day feels the same, the day feels the same, the day feels the same as yesterday. If you're experiencing your own personal Groundhog's Day, with grief and loss due to either death, or divorce, or multiple changes, or pet loss, or other things that you're just trying to unpack and walk through. Yep, lots of opportunities. Here's the thing. It could be that you can't see them or identify them, because you need to focus on other things like rest, or functioning in, you know, maybe you're back at work after the loss of a loved one. And you're just trying to get through the day. Valid, affirming and valid. And I get that and there may come a time because there does come a time. When you're feeling like you may have it in you there's a part of, there's a part of you that is ready for a little something new. Just a little something new, a little switch just to shake it up, break it up. The feelings just so something about your day is different. And here's the list can be long, but coming up with that list can be baffling, exhausting, I'm gonna throw a couple things out, that could be just a little bit different, that will also feel doable, and you get to try them on, maybe what I share is going to give you a launchpad for other things that you might want to entertain or consider. So take what you like and leave the rest.
Doing new things can feel risky. So I want to acknowledge that before I go any further. It can feel risky. If you're in a season of loss or you just feel like I've lost plenty and risky does not feel good at all. Totally 100% 100% I'm holding space for the part of you that would be willing. At some point, maybe today, maybe not to go to work taking one different street or going and looping around one different corner that maybe you've just never been on before because honestly, if you're in a season of loss or unpacking. You've never been here before.
So paralleling that with something that is safe and a little bit new can be something that helps you sort of get used to the concept of doing things that are new that are going to be Okay, because aliveness, a sense of aliveness does need space. So new can come in. It doesn't always feel great. And that is just a can't be a part of it. So when I talk about doing new things, doing new things, we don't know really what's going to happen. And so having it be something safe, like I know where my work is, or I know where the grocery store is, it could be, you know, take one different street, or a slightly different route to fill in the blank, where you're going anyway, whether you're walking or biking, or karting, or training, commuting, whatever it is, a little bit different, do you get off at one stop, and then go back.
Because that can be it can leave yourself time and room just to see something in the world, that's a little bit different to expand a little bit in a safe way, that is, you know, it doesn't feel as risky, as, you know, doing something else that is huge or major and you know, going to a party where you don't really know anybody, like for me when I was in grief and loss, that's a hard pass no.
But trying a different fruit or vegetable that I've never picked up from the grocery store, or trying a different snack food just to break up my own inside habitual routine. So I'm introducing something new and thoughtful, that I might be interested or curious about. So these are valid things. So I've offered a couple already gonna offer a couple more. And that could be, you know, you experiment with a different kind of coffee drink.
And it could be, you know, instead of the regular vanilla latte, that you try a French vanilla latte, or you try, something seasonal that isn't here all the time, in order to just give yourself something that's new and something that's different. So it doesn't feel like it's the same all the time. Are you always going to feel like it? No. Do you have to do things when you don't feel like it? No, you do not. You get 100% choice and rights for your own experience.
I want to bring it back to the timing. Because this is something people are really interested in. And they're scared about. A lot of clients are scared about or prospective clients are scared about it. So if this is you, let's talk a little bit about timing. There comes a time when you know you're ready. And you're the only one who's going to know what that time is. So I support you trusting that there's going to be a time a nice man had a quote about timing. And it's similar, it really lends itself I'm going to have to look it up because it's just occurring to me now. I'm gonna give you a taste of it, it's not going to be verbatim because I don't have that brain or that skill. So it's something about there comes a time when it's too hard to stay in the bud and it's time to open up a little bit of bloom. And some blooms happen rapidly and some do not.
So each loss event, each life event, each relationship is different and unique to the person to each person so to you everything that is going on with you has gone on with you. Every relationship every loss every life event is unique and individual to you. There's gonna come a time when being in grief and loss is too tight and too small, and you're ready to bloom out of, it doesn't have to be all at once. This is similar to when it's time for a baby to be born. It's too uncomfortable to stay in this other person. It's time to go.
And energetically there's a trust and a naturalness to it. Same with grief and loss. You're getting used to an integrating a lot of new information based on whatever it is you're going through in order to move forward and sometimes we need some rest, rest and sleep are really big obstacles in our day and age because we have so much anxiety and worry that go with it. And some of us have some guilt that we don't know what to do with or how to get rid of. Some of us have resentment and bitterness that we don't know what to do with, or how to get rid of it. Or move through it, I'll say move through it rather than get rid of it. But I think you understand what I'm saying about, it's just always there. And I don't know what to do with it. I don't know how to feel it. I don't know how to let it go. And so this interrupts our sleep and our rest, because our nervous systems are up up up all the time.
Doing something new is going to give your whole system something else to experience, rather than the same. Maybe it's a different recipe, or a different lunch. thing, a different drink, a different way of walking your dog, maybe you go into a store you've never been in before you drive yourself through a neighborhood you've never been in before. You could go and do an exercise in the gym, if you're there that you've never been in before. If hygiene is tough, and it is for a lot of people who are in grief and loss, encouraging yourself with a really soft washcloth, maybe something trying a different soap, shampoo, conditioner.
You know, it could be so many things that are tiny and new. The trick to this is which is not a trick is that you get to work with yourself in counting it as progress. So this is difficult for a lot of us who are you know, just trying to work with a brain that is anxious, worried a nervous system that is anxious, worried feeling a lot of feelings that are unpleasant, unwanted? Your life experience or your dynamic or seasonal laws may include something you did not sign up for. It may include something you didn't sign up for, and you're still having feelings, this is all valid. This is so much change going on right now. So allowing it to count is part of the work.
And you may, there may be a part of your brain that's pooh poohing it and just saying, yeah, that's not actually going to get me through, blah, blah, blah. And it may not get you all the way through in one tiny little magic bullet action, but it's going to start you and it gets to count. There's no one saying it doesn't count. The only one saying it doesn't count is you. So what feels better? You want to feel better. Some of us do and some of us do not. Not ready. It's totally okay, there's going to come a time when you're going to know and you're going to be ready and you're going to be tired of this again. This again. This again, maybe you paint your nails, totally different color for fun. Maybe you explore with just a different makeup or you pluck or shave all your eyebrows just to have something different.
Stranger things have happened. You may think that's radical stranger things have happened. I when I'm going through something, I tend to get myself a significant haircut, or shave it all off. Starting over I don't care. And that's something that that sometimes works for me depending on where I'm at. Up to you, you get to do you maybe it's makeup or fake tattoos or whatever it is. Maybe it's real tattoos, I don't know.
But a little bit of new that is thoughtful and not going to hurt or harm you the risk level is very low. The just try to do it level is also very low. Maybe you try new jelly or a new peanut butter. Maybe you try just something the tiniest bit different. One degree of difference. Even the thought I never thought that before maybe I could count it. Maybe I could count this just to give yourself a little bit of new breath it totally counts. And I support your timing. No matter what that is. Thinking of you, I'm off to go and do something different today.
I've been studying Reiki since last year with Suzy Parker Goins, who is a delight. She's a local channel and medium here in the Seattle area, the greater Seattle area. So I've been studying Reiki with her. And I am going to the me we festival in Lynwood. Usually I offer handmade goods. And just sundries, assorted sundries, usually they're knitted or sewn. Today I am offering a service which is gentle grief shifting. What with Reiki? Yeah, yeah, so I'm going to try it out. I don't know what's going to happen. It does feel a little bit risky is definitely new. And I'm showing up. That's how I'm gonna do if you're local to the area. I’d love to have you come join me and say hello. If you've heard that in the background, that was my dog, Rosie, shaking her first nap off of the day. I hope it's a sweet, easy week for you. And I look forward to connecting with you soon. Okay, see you next week.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. But you know, there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this. Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection calm. It's a 45 minute Free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together.
If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up. Heck yeah, we will. All right. Till then take really good care. Bye bye
