Episode 49: Transformation Concepts When Navigating Grief — Seeds vs. Caterpillars
Transformations
The caterpillar-to-butterfly image for transformation is time-honored, but does require the critter in the chrysalis to turn into goo. Maybe the seed is a better metaphor for you? Yes, transformation requires the seed to split open, which seems painful, but when it opens, the seed is no longer a seed, says Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker. Yes, it's raw and vulnerable and new. But it's also ready to grow and flourish. Are you Feeling Trapped in Grief and Loss? When you're in the seed, you might feel stuck in there alone. You don't have to go through this alone. Even if you're feeling trapped in grief and loss, growth and change and even blossoming are possible. |
You are Invited
Does this feel right to you? Get even more insights into the condition known as grief and find paths to navigate through it: Schedule a free consultation with Wendy at WendySloneker.com.
Thanks again to Eric Verlinde for our new music! You can find him at his website https://www.ericverlinde.com/.
Does this feel right to you? Get even more insights into the condition known as grief and find paths to navigate through it: Schedule a free consultation with Wendy at WendySloneker.com.
Thanks again to Eric Verlinde for our new music! You can find him at his website https://www.ericverlinde.com/.
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You're listening to the Heart Healing from Loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode 49.
Hi, it's Wendy, your grief and loss coach and specialists. Hello. Hi, I'm glad we're here together.
I was talking with a new friend who was turning into a good friend. And they were saying something about, we were talking about growth because that's what we do. And she mentioned something about when a seed splits open. Now this is different than the conversation that I tend to have around cat growth, which involves caterpillars, caterpillar, makes a cocoon safe space turns into goo in order to make a butterfly to sort of transform into a butterfly.
And this person was talking about seeds. And so I've listened for a while and they have this really great illustration that I want to share with you this concept, because I think it's more visceral. For those going through a season of intense change. Heartbreak loss, whether it involves a death of a loved one, or a divorce or estrangement, or you might just not like the winter, and it brings up a lot of memories about previous winters that were really tough on you.
So try this one on because it's interesting, and I want to see if it will be a different experience for you then the caterpillar transformation, which can be a little tired. Okay, so when a seed splits open, where all we can imagine, imagine with me, a little seed. It can be an acorn, it can be a carrot seed, it can be a mustard seed, it can be any kind of It could even be a bulb, honestly, it's really okay, a little seed. What's my seed, I think I'm gonna go with a carrot seed, they're so tiny. They're so so tiny.
So when a seed is planted, and it's in the soil, and it splits open and begins to have a shoot, grow forward a little bit of a route, a little bit of a shoot, there's significant growth, I want to talk about when it splits open, though, because I feel like this is how it can feel. To go through grief and loss there is a splitting open. Many times of the heart, sometimes it's it feels like your gut is splitting open, you're becoming something just by that one change by that one event, or that one relationship where it's a splitting open and it's really painful.
In that one minute, it can be really fast. To turn into something else. When a when a seed splits open, it's no longer a seed. It's no longer a seed. It begins to be this little baby tender plant a little bit of a route and a little bit of a shoot. It's making way toward leaves and further grounding more sprouts, more tendrils coming forward all the growth things but if I could further talk about the split open piece, I think this is where we can get stuck in grief and loss.
One this change happened and we feel split open which feels very uncomfortable, very vulnerable and sometimes kind of like we were feeling loss but we're also at a loss. Some of this is very natural for acute grief and loss. When you're in that new stages where it's so raw. And it's so new you're you may be in shock or some sort of disbelief you. And it could be that, we just always thought we were going to be a seed that we were going to be a seed. And now this life event or this change is forcing us to turn into somebody else to turn into something else. And to grow in a way that we did not authorize or sign up for 100% understandable.
And even though you don't like it, or didn't want it, or you think it should have gone another way, this is still what happened. It's really hard. And you might be mad as hell, that ain't even happened at all, I was really happy being the proverbial seed. Don't split me open life, or a person or event. I'm interested in being a seed. But truly maybe part of it is that you're no longer a seed. By way of this life event, you are living with a different experience in a different way. You're turning into or being turned into, just by life happening.
And you're 100% have every right to be mad as hell. You don't want it, you didn't ask for it. And it happened. Getting mad is something that some people can do really easily and other people it is scary. It's almost unsafe and dangerous to get for them to get angry. Some some of us don't know how to get angry, I didn't really learn how to be angry until I think I mentioned this before on another episode until I went through menopause.
Like, whoa, they're there, there's my anger, wow. But it could be that you're really mad that you're in this circumstance, or that this has happened. Understandable, highly recommend that you get support in a way and from someone where you feel seen and heard, seen and heard is a big deal when you're going through grief and loss. We keep, we keep telling and playing our stories inside when really in order for it to come through and process out. Being seen and heard is a is a big part of of claiming your life experience in order to feel those feelings and let them go.
But for now, I'm gonna just ask that you play with the concept. Does the butterfly transformation feel like that's what's happening here? Is that something I can work with? That would be useful to me as I am walking this path of change? Or does it feel more like a seed? I have been a seed that has been split open and now I'm being asked to or forced to grow in a way that I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what plant this is. I don't know what life this is. I just don't know.
Having some clarity about what it feels like can be useful to you in terms of allowing yourself to move through and keep going and keep going. It's a big deal. And I really am so grateful to my new friend who shared this concept with me because it feels like a good one. And this is where I see a lot of clients. Mad as Hell. Anger is welcome. Tears are welcome. None of it is required. But you know, we don't often talk about in the transformation, the butterfly story, right like butterflies not often mad. But the seed being split open. Sometimes that can be mad transformations happening in both places. It totally is. But the feel of it is different. At least it is for me.
I'd love to hear your comments. I'd love to hear your feedback. Please check in on my Facebook page or at In the comments, or drop me in a note and connect with me over email on my website. You're welcome. Your comments are welcome. Your feedback is welcome.
And what feels more appropriate to you? Butterfly? or new little plant? Interesting, right.
I'm so glad you're here. And I have one more special shout out to make to someone who's made a big impact on this podcast. Even very recently, you might have noticed that the music is different. I actually went and had a an original score made by the incredible local musician Eric Verlinde. Thank you, Eric, so much for your beautiful and new score just for my podcast. I really love it. And I hope my listeners love it too. I hope you love it too. Big shout out to Eric Verlinde.
Big shout out to friends throughout the world. And huge thanks and appreciation for you to be here with me. I will talk to you next week. Oh my gosh, next week is episode 50. I wonder what I'm going to talk about that we'll find out. I'll see you in a week. Okay, everybody. Goodbye.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this? Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together.
If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel a little bit better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up.
Heck yeah, we will. All right. Till then take really good care.
Bye bye
You're listening to the Heart Healing from Loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode 49.
Hi, it's Wendy, your grief and loss coach and specialists. Hello. Hi, I'm glad we're here together.
I was talking with a new friend who was turning into a good friend. And they were saying something about, we were talking about growth because that's what we do. And she mentioned something about when a seed splits open. Now this is different than the conversation that I tend to have around cat growth, which involves caterpillars, caterpillar, makes a cocoon safe space turns into goo in order to make a butterfly to sort of transform into a butterfly.
And this person was talking about seeds. And so I've listened for a while and they have this really great illustration that I want to share with you this concept, because I think it's more visceral. For those going through a season of intense change. Heartbreak loss, whether it involves a death of a loved one, or a divorce or estrangement, or you might just not like the winter, and it brings up a lot of memories about previous winters that were really tough on you.
So try this one on because it's interesting, and I want to see if it will be a different experience for you then the caterpillar transformation, which can be a little tired. Okay, so when a seed splits open, where all we can imagine, imagine with me, a little seed. It can be an acorn, it can be a carrot seed, it can be a mustard seed, it can be any kind of It could even be a bulb, honestly, it's really okay, a little seed. What's my seed, I think I'm gonna go with a carrot seed, they're so tiny. They're so so tiny.
So when a seed is planted, and it's in the soil, and it splits open and begins to have a shoot, grow forward a little bit of a route, a little bit of a shoot, there's significant growth, I want to talk about when it splits open, though, because I feel like this is how it can feel. To go through grief and loss there is a splitting open. Many times of the heart, sometimes it's it feels like your gut is splitting open, you're becoming something just by that one change by that one event, or that one relationship where it's a splitting open and it's really painful.
In that one minute, it can be really fast. To turn into something else. When a when a seed splits open, it's no longer a seed. It's no longer a seed. It begins to be this little baby tender plant a little bit of a route and a little bit of a shoot. It's making way toward leaves and further grounding more sprouts, more tendrils coming forward all the growth things but if I could further talk about the split open piece, I think this is where we can get stuck in grief and loss.
One this change happened and we feel split open which feels very uncomfortable, very vulnerable and sometimes kind of like we were feeling loss but we're also at a loss. Some of this is very natural for acute grief and loss. When you're in that new stages where it's so raw. And it's so new you're you may be in shock or some sort of disbelief you. And it could be that, we just always thought we were going to be a seed that we were going to be a seed. And now this life event or this change is forcing us to turn into somebody else to turn into something else. And to grow in a way that we did not authorize or sign up for 100% understandable.
And even though you don't like it, or didn't want it, or you think it should have gone another way, this is still what happened. It's really hard. And you might be mad as hell, that ain't even happened at all, I was really happy being the proverbial seed. Don't split me open life, or a person or event. I'm interested in being a seed. But truly maybe part of it is that you're no longer a seed. By way of this life event, you are living with a different experience in a different way. You're turning into or being turned into, just by life happening.
And you're 100% have every right to be mad as hell. You don't want it, you didn't ask for it. And it happened. Getting mad is something that some people can do really easily and other people it is scary. It's almost unsafe and dangerous to get for them to get angry. Some some of us don't know how to get angry, I didn't really learn how to be angry until I think I mentioned this before on another episode until I went through menopause.
Like, whoa, they're there, there's my anger, wow. But it could be that you're really mad that you're in this circumstance, or that this has happened. Understandable, highly recommend that you get support in a way and from someone where you feel seen and heard, seen and heard is a big deal when you're going through grief and loss. We keep, we keep telling and playing our stories inside when really in order for it to come through and process out. Being seen and heard is a is a big part of of claiming your life experience in order to feel those feelings and let them go.
But for now, I'm gonna just ask that you play with the concept. Does the butterfly transformation feel like that's what's happening here? Is that something I can work with? That would be useful to me as I am walking this path of change? Or does it feel more like a seed? I have been a seed that has been split open and now I'm being asked to or forced to grow in a way that I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what plant this is. I don't know what life this is. I just don't know.
Having some clarity about what it feels like can be useful to you in terms of allowing yourself to move through and keep going and keep going. It's a big deal. And I really am so grateful to my new friend who shared this concept with me because it feels like a good one. And this is where I see a lot of clients. Mad as Hell. Anger is welcome. Tears are welcome. None of it is required. But you know, we don't often talk about in the transformation, the butterfly story, right like butterflies not often mad. But the seed being split open. Sometimes that can be mad transformations happening in both places. It totally is. But the feel of it is different. At least it is for me.
I'd love to hear your comments. I'd love to hear your feedback. Please check in on my Facebook page or at In the comments, or drop me in a note and connect with me over email on my website. You're welcome. Your comments are welcome. Your feedback is welcome.
And what feels more appropriate to you? Butterfly? or new little plant? Interesting, right.
I'm so glad you're here. And I have one more special shout out to make to someone who's made a big impact on this podcast. Even very recently, you might have noticed that the music is different. I actually went and had a an original score made by the incredible local musician Eric Verlinde. Thank you, Eric, so much for your beautiful and new score just for my podcast. I really love it. And I hope my listeners love it too. I hope you love it too. Big shout out to Eric Verlinde.
Big shout out to friends throughout the world. And huge thanks and appreciation for you to be here with me. I will talk to you next week. Oh my gosh, next week is episode 50. I wonder what I'm going to talk about that we'll find out. I'll see you in a week. Okay, everybody. Goodbye.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this? Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together.
If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel a little bit better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up.
Heck yeah, we will. All right. Till then take really good care.
Bye bye