Episode 47: Indicators of Life When It Feels Like There's No Life
|
"What if the thing that's making you mad is the kernel of truth?"
What if grief and loss have left you with a feeling that there's no life left? In this episode, Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker talks about how to start to move past familiar pain and grief and back into life. You can feel your heart beating. Put out a bird feeder, if you can. There are signs of life all around you. It's possible this episode will make you angry; that's OK. It may not be time for you yet. But if you think you're ready to come back to aliveness, look for the indicators that remind you that life continues. Winters can be heavy — everything appears to be dying or already gone. But spring follows winter every year. |
Wendy shares how small things in life can help us move past the pain.
|
You are Invited
If you need help carrying the emotional weight of your loss, contact Wendy at https://www.wendysloneker.com/ for a complimentary consultation.
If you need help carrying the emotional weight of your loss, contact Wendy at https://www.wendysloneker.com/ for a complimentary consultation.
As seen on: |
|
Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You are listening to the Heart Healing from Loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode 47. I got my tea. Hello, everyone. Welcome. Welcome back.
Oh, today's topic. I think it's time. I think it's time for this topic and it might make some of you mad. I've been mad through my seasons of grief and loss. And this is okay, this is part of the package. So if this topic gets you a little fiery, okay, okay, you can either continue to listen or stop.
And if you're still listening, what if the thing that's making you mad is the kernel of truth? Dang it. Oh, dang it. Yeah, today's topic is about the indicators of life, even when it feels like there's no life anymore.
Now, I am not talking only about death or passing of a loved one. You can feel like, there's no life anymore. When you're burnt out, when your career is not what you want it to be if there was a divorce or an estrangement. If you're not taking a bigger interest, or as big an interest in your own life as you would like, it can feel like there's no life anymore.
I'd like you to expand your concept of what it is we're talking about here around grief and loss, and indicators of life. Now I'm gonna just like keep this really, really simple. We are heading into an American holiday next week that's full of food and traditional things, in some cases and family in some cases, and there may be people who are missing from your tables.
So I would like to offer this as a tool. Something quiet, it's a practice, it's an action. How can you look for indicators of life or dear, let's scratch that dear brain. I would like you to be on the lookout for indicators of life, even though it feels like it's not the life that I either want or really love or had hoped for. Or signed up for. What are my indicators of life, we're going to start like real nice and easy.
This can be something that you like send that message to your brain to be on the lookout for activating your reticular activating system. What are the indicators of life? What are they? Well toenails, fingernails are growing. Lungs are breathing me, breathing you too right now. Hair is growing not necessarily on top of your head. This is okay. It may be there. It may not be there. But hair is growing. Indicate indicators of life and we want to get as general as we can and as gentle as we can to. So, cells are dividing. blood is flowing in the veins of ourselves like we're going to talk about us. We can notice how there are still plants that bloom there is there are animals in the world.
And you may say it seemed like this is so dumb, like and I get that I really do and when you're in a space of wanting to feel aliveness. This is one of the tools you can use is it you know like I get that you may want a different future you may want a different present. You may want your loved one back you may want a different fill in the blank. But here here's where we start.
If you want to feel more alive, you look for indicators of life around you. Not everyone's gonna love this episode, I get it. And here's, it's just a tool. It's an option, you can continue to wait for feeling more alive. But that has not worked for me. I needed to go and find tools and try them in order to help myself.
This is available to you too. It's like you're here on the podcast, this is totally available. So indicators of life around you? Do we love it? Maybe not? Do we want to feel more alive? Yeah, sometimes we do. Some days we do other days, maybe less. Sometimes we want to feel familiar pain. Because it's what we know.
I grew to a space where I didn't want to feel familiar pain anymore. It hurt too much. And so my commitment to feeling something different. Including alive, needed to surpass that familiar pain. And you know, I had some fear about whether or not finding new tools or working with somebody else that I didn't know very well who didn't know me. Was it gonna work?
Here's the other thing. It wasn't up to them whether or not it works for me. It was up to me. And it worked. This my sweet, dear listeners is available for you too, scary. Totally crapped my pants more than once from fear. If I may be so direct, but it's okay.
On the other side of burnout and creative laws, and death of loved ones, of many kinds, death of relationships of many kinds. I know what to do when life happens. I have a few tools. Do they all work? They do. Does every single one work for every single thing? No, dang it. But I have enough of them so that I can move myself forward. And I move my clients forward. Because they move themselves forward.
This is available indicators of life are around us. Even though we don't like it. Even though it doesn't look like or feel like what we want it to we're going into a season that is notoriously heavy. Weather wise, emotions wise. And, and it's time for more support. So this is a tool. Look around you for indicators of life look to your body, your own body that is carrying you faithfully. In the best way it knows how well it's carrying a lot of emotional weight as well.
I'm assuming it's carrying emotional weight. I mean, that's why you're here right? So it can be painful to see and notice indicators of life. When I work with people who've experienced baby loss or infertility they're on a journey to parenthood and it doesn't look or feel like they want it to they see indicators of life and it can be really painful. They see babies and kids all around them.
So this is why we'll keep it gentle and general and look to ourselves around like our body, the function of our body. It's breathing, fingernails growing, hair growing and if it's just eyebrows you got it counts because they're grown to eyelashes, great, even if there's like some people have hairy little toes. This is like This also counts. So allowing for what is gentle, and identifiable is what I'm talking about in this episode.
Gradually, it can feel like when you notice that there is life around you, and you notice that there is still life within you, even though it's mingled with, you know, other thoughts and opinions around. It shouldn't be this way or it. I wish somebody else were here with me.
I'm gonna suggest that you look for like, what it is you want around? Is it familiar? Or are you willing to take the tiniest step forward to feel something new? New can often feel alive as well. Even the tiniest things, even the tiniest things, taking a different route to your family's celebration, or Friendsgiving or Thanksgiving, whichever. Taking a different route to school, or where you shop. Trying a new vegetable. Even if you don't like it, like oh, let's just let's just try that on. Because, wow, maybe it's different now. Maybe it's different now.
You don't have to. These are gentle ways of bringing your self and your body and your mind back online into aliveness.
I'm thinking of you. I'm sending you. Great support and love. And I'll talk to you again next week. Thanks, everybody.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this?
Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together. If you're ready for a a little more support, and not less and if you're ready to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you.
Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly or [email protected] And we'll set it up a gallon. Till then take really good care. Bye bye
You are listening to the Heart Healing from Loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is episode 47. I got my tea. Hello, everyone. Welcome. Welcome back.
Oh, today's topic. I think it's time. I think it's time for this topic and it might make some of you mad. I've been mad through my seasons of grief and loss. And this is okay, this is part of the package. So if this topic gets you a little fiery, okay, okay, you can either continue to listen or stop.
And if you're still listening, what if the thing that's making you mad is the kernel of truth? Dang it. Oh, dang it. Yeah, today's topic is about the indicators of life, even when it feels like there's no life anymore.
Now, I am not talking only about death or passing of a loved one. You can feel like, there's no life anymore. When you're burnt out, when your career is not what you want it to be if there was a divorce or an estrangement. If you're not taking a bigger interest, or as big an interest in your own life as you would like, it can feel like there's no life anymore.
I'd like you to expand your concept of what it is we're talking about here around grief and loss, and indicators of life. Now I'm gonna just like keep this really, really simple. We are heading into an American holiday next week that's full of food and traditional things, in some cases and family in some cases, and there may be people who are missing from your tables.
So I would like to offer this as a tool. Something quiet, it's a practice, it's an action. How can you look for indicators of life or dear, let's scratch that dear brain. I would like you to be on the lookout for indicators of life, even though it feels like it's not the life that I either want or really love or had hoped for. Or signed up for. What are my indicators of life, we're going to start like real nice and easy.
This can be something that you like send that message to your brain to be on the lookout for activating your reticular activating system. What are the indicators of life? What are they? Well toenails, fingernails are growing. Lungs are breathing me, breathing you too right now. Hair is growing not necessarily on top of your head. This is okay. It may be there. It may not be there. But hair is growing. Indicate indicators of life and we want to get as general as we can and as gentle as we can to. So, cells are dividing. blood is flowing in the veins of ourselves like we're going to talk about us. We can notice how there are still plants that bloom there is there are animals in the world.
And you may say it seemed like this is so dumb, like and I get that I really do and when you're in a space of wanting to feel aliveness. This is one of the tools you can use is it you know like I get that you may want a different future you may want a different present. You may want your loved one back you may want a different fill in the blank. But here here's where we start.
If you want to feel more alive, you look for indicators of life around you. Not everyone's gonna love this episode, I get it. And here's, it's just a tool. It's an option, you can continue to wait for feeling more alive. But that has not worked for me. I needed to go and find tools and try them in order to help myself.
This is available to you too. It's like you're here on the podcast, this is totally available. So indicators of life around you? Do we love it? Maybe not? Do we want to feel more alive? Yeah, sometimes we do. Some days we do other days, maybe less. Sometimes we want to feel familiar pain. Because it's what we know.
I grew to a space where I didn't want to feel familiar pain anymore. It hurt too much. And so my commitment to feeling something different. Including alive, needed to surpass that familiar pain. And you know, I had some fear about whether or not finding new tools or working with somebody else that I didn't know very well who didn't know me. Was it gonna work?
Here's the other thing. It wasn't up to them whether or not it works for me. It was up to me. And it worked. This my sweet, dear listeners is available for you too, scary. Totally crapped my pants more than once from fear. If I may be so direct, but it's okay.
On the other side of burnout and creative laws, and death of loved ones, of many kinds, death of relationships of many kinds. I know what to do when life happens. I have a few tools. Do they all work? They do. Does every single one work for every single thing? No, dang it. But I have enough of them so that I can move myself forward. And I move my clients forward. Because they move themselves forward.
This is available indicators of life are around us. Even though we don't like it. Even though it doesn't look like or feel like what we want it to we're going into a season that is notoriously heavy. Weather wise, emotions wise. And, and it's time for more support. So this is a tool. Look around you for indicators of life look to your body, your own body that is carrying you faithfully. In the best way it knows how well it's carrying a lot of emotional weight as well.
I'm assuming it's carrying emotional weight. I mean, that's why you're here right? So it can be painful to see and notice indicators of life. When I work with people who've experienced baby loss or infertility they're on a journey to parenthood and it doesn't look or feel like they want it to they see indicators of life and it can be really painful. They see babies and kids all around them.
So this is why we'll keep it gentle and general and look to ourselves around like our body, the function of our body. It's breathing, fingernails growing, hair growing and if it's just eyebrows you got it counts because they're grown to eyelashes, great, even if there's like some people have hairy little toes. This is like This also counts. So allowing for what is gentle, and identifiable is what I'm talking about in this episode.
Gradually, it can feel like when you notice that there is life around you, and you notice that there is still life within you, even though it's mingled with, you know, other thoughts and opinions around. It shouldn't be this way or it. I wish somebody else were here with me.
I'm gonna suggest that you look for like, what it is you want around? Is it familiar? Or are you willing to take the tiniest step forward to feel something new? New can often feel alive as well. Even the tiniest things, even the tiniest things, taking a different route to your family's celebration, or Friendsgiving or Thanksgiving, whichever. Taking a different route to school, or where you shop. Trying a new vegetable. Even if you don't like it, like oh, let's just let's just try that on. Because, wow, maybe it's different now. Maybe it's different now.
You don't have to. These are gentle ways of bringing your self and your body and your mind back online into aliveness.
I'm thinking of you. I'm sending you. Great support and love. And I'll talk to you again next week. Thanks, everybody.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this?
Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute free call. We'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together. If you're ready for a a little more support, and not less and if you're ready to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you.
Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly or [email protected] And we'll set it up a gallon. Till then take really good care. Bye bye
