Episode 44:  Small Steps, Big Bravery​

Parking Lot Stories
You may notice that this episode sounds a little different: it was recorded in a car in front of a grocery store.
The strangest places can cause all kinds of feelings, including the grocery store, if that's where you spent time with a special person. We all have those ceremonies, which we may not even recognize as special until they change. 
And once that change happens, going back to that place can be a real gut punch, as you realize the depth of your loss in a very raw and immediate way.
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Taking Small Brave Steps
In this episode, Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker talks about these places and ceremonies and how they can trigger a special kind of grief. How do you take steps toward "normalizing" those places again, if that's what you want?
Episode 44 Podcast with Wendy Sloneker a Certified Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist & End of Life Doula -- an expert on helping others navigate grief and loss through to healing.
Wendy shares stories of people taking small brave steps
You are Invited
If you are considering taking steps, perhaps take this episode with you and listen, if you can listen safely. Then share with a friend who could also use the help.
Make an appointment for a complimentary consultation with Wendy Sloneker at her website, wendysloneker.com.

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Full Episode Transcript


Wendy Sloneker  
You are listening to the Heart Healing from Loss Podcast with Wendy Sloneker. Welcome to Episode 44. Hi everybody, I am so glad you're here, it may sound a little bit different. There may be some horns, there may be some people vehicles driving by nothing is wrong, I am safely parked in front of a grocery store recording this episode with you. So bear with me with for the sound. 

But it it really struck me that somebody that I was connected with on social media for a little bit. Today, they were going through something that actually involved a parking lot and a grocery store. So I wanted to just offer a little bit of perspective and insight. And let me tell you a story first. 

Ready, here we go. So there was a pair of people, and they loved going to the grocery store, and walking up and down every single aisle when they went, they went together, they were together for a lot of time. And this was something that they each really enjoyed. It was a way of spending time together. It was a way of connecting and planning on how they would take care of each other and themselves. And it happened in the grocery store. 

And it was at least once a week, if not a couple times a week whenever they could. This was a standout way of spending time together. And they really liked the time they spent together doing this activity. I don't know what grocery store any grocery store, the point was, they were together and they were taking care of their life together. 

And then one of the people died. And this is important today because you know, 30 days ago, give or take. The person who was left on the planet, their life just changed radically as did the other person who died, I'm not going to, diminish that experience at all. But there's somebody who had the courage and wherewithal and just plain guts to go to the grocery store today and spend a little bit of time in a place that it was it was done a lot differently 30 days ago, when their beloved was here, and they were able to go together. 

So I really want to give credit to the people and the person who showed up somewhere and went and did something that used to look a lot different than it did a short time ago, or even a long time ago. I feel like not enough credit gets given to those who are in a season of loss when it's whether it's raw, and  really, so new or whether the pain has been with you for a little while, sometimes it takes a lot to really just go to a parking lot and be there as a way of moving forward. You don't have to go in. 

But a little step could be, Hey, I'm gonna just go to the parking lot, because this is all I can manage to do. And then I can see how I feel. Or I can go in or I can try it. This is a case by case thing. But the person I was talking to because I checked in after and I said hey, how did it go to be there? What happened? And they went in for a bit and picked up a few things and they said something that was, you know it's I didn't spend the amount of time that I used to or that I wouldn't have if my person was there. 

And that is, that is part of the pain of dang it. It's not the way it used to be. But it's also a really big deal that they went, they went in for a bit, thought of their person the whole time. It may have been a little bit surprising parts of it may have been okay. But the thing is, in the courage is they went and they went in. And then they didn't know exactly how they would feel throughout the whole thing. But they went ahead and did it. 

It's really, it can be so breathtaking to even take that step. And that's what makes it a really big step. Really big step. So I want to offer some congratulations, and some acknowledgement and some credit for the guts it takes to do something you used to do in a very different way. Or do something you used to do that looks so different now. Not because you want to, but maybe because you need to even the grocery store, even the grocery store it's a really big deal. 

And you know, it occurs to me this is this is more than I wanted to record today. But it occurs to me that parking lots are a place where people's lives can change I've seen, you know, things get traded or sold in parking lots. I've seen and been involved in a puppy getting a new home in a parking lot. People are in parking lots before they go into the hospital for surgeries or procedures. People come out of the hospital with different, you know, healing protocols to adhere to different things are going on with the body or with the mind. 

Parking lots are a big deal. It's a steal place. And people are coming or going similar to a train station. But I just don't happen to be there today. I don't know if you can hear this, but there's some rain coming down now. 

I'm so present and ready for some rain to come down right now. Here in the parking lot. It's been really smoky in Seattle, we've had the worst air quality in I know it's the country, but it could be the world these last few days, and the rain coming is significant to change and to progress. Even here in a parking lot where I'm not doing anything but I'm observing the rain is coming down air is clearing out a little bit. 

It gives me a little bit of hope. Because you know, I have a lot of people in my life and one very special one who is affected my asthma. And these hard air quality days are really tough on a lot of people that I love in my life. So I want to notice that. 
And I think I might also want to tell you the story of another it's another parking lot story. I may have loads of these, but here's another one that I have for you. And the reason it's important is because well, let me just tell you a story. Here we go. 

Many years ago in 2004 just ending the springtime. It was actually June 1, 2004, I was getting ready to go into a meeting. And it was a type of fellowship that I had no interest or desire in being a part of but at the same time I really needed to go and I showed up really early because I was gonna because I needed to in order to stay and then just try to be there was in that parking lot for a good 90 minutes before anybody came in open the doors and prepared for that meeting to happen. 

It changed a lot of how, how I behaved. But it also changed a lot of the ways this is the most important thing, the way that I taught. I just let myself be in that spot in my car in the parking lot. And I didn't make myself decide whether or not I was going into that meeting until I did. It was enough for me. And it was brave for me to be in that lot. At that time on that day, with the possibility of completely changing my trajectory, my life, my insights, my motives, my thinking. 

And I was, scared as hell. Scared as hell. Being in a quiet place was really useful being in a place where people were coming and going according to what they needed to do for that day, also useful. I felt really small and really scared. And when I saw somebody else go into the place where, where I could go with them. I cried my eyes out. Because that was also I was in so much pain, but that was also a moment I was there for where I was making a conscious decision about going somewhere. And being with people that I didn't know, it was a huge learning curve, but I was so unhappy, and I didn't like my results in my life. 

And I, I also didn't want to go into that space and meet with those people. I didn't want to but I did it anyway. And this is like a courage piece. So this could describe going into a medical appointment, going into a new practitioner to meet new practitioners, it could be about going into recovery meeting of any kind or a 12 step meeting of any kind or recovery treatment of any kind. 

Taking the chance and going and doing something so radically new can be so terrifying and so needed. And it can be such a little seeming action, which is going to have a huge repercussion. This has been true again and again for me. And this also just brings back to how brave the person I was talking with earlier today is still is for taking the step of going and just showing up. Putting the body into the vehicle taking the vehicle to the location, choosing whether or not they're going in the store. Figuring out how how, how can I be here in a safe way? Can I get anything? Am I done? And then taking themselves home. 

This is a mark of bravery. It's also a tremendous mark of love. I'm really touched by that person today. And that can be you. If it's you, it makes a big difference. If you are just hearing listening. That can be a big change in your life or someone's life. To just listen to something new because you want to feel better. 

I give you tremendous credit. I acknowledge your courage and bravery, your willingness, your tenacity and your utter guts for showing up. It's a really big deal. And I'm thinking of you. 
Okay, I think that's all I have for today for us, giving credit and taking credit for small things that are actually pretty big things. It may not be the way you used to do it. But the way you do it today makes a difference. Still counts. And it's pretty incredible. 

Okay take really sweet care, and I will speak with you again next week. Thanks, everybody. Okay, bye, bye. 

Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me for you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this? 

Yeah, for real, and I do it. Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute free call. I'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together. If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel a little bit better. And to find out how to learn these tools and skills. 

I'm ready for you. Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up. Heck yeah, we will. All right. Till then take really good care.

Bye bye

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