Episode 41: More Support, Not Less, for All Holidays to Come
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When you experience a loss, you get asked — by very well-intended friends, family, and others — how you're "doing."
It can get exhausting trying to think of an answer. "I'm fine," is far from accurate and not fooling anyone. Or it might be true but makes us feel guilty for being true, even if that "fine" is extremely transitory. Not wanting to drag others down No one wants to hear that you're "terrible" or "sad" or "lousy," or maybe they're just fine hearing it, but you feel worse saying it. You didn't even brush your teeth today; how do you answer the question, "How are you?" without dragging them down with you? |
Support through the Holidays
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Knots of Grief
These are the knots grief and loss can tie us up in. Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker is ready to help you get unknotted. You can make a shift in how you think about every piece of progress you make, even if the progress is as small as brushing your teeth today.
You are Invited
Give yourself the time to listen and steep in the self-care, then visit Wendy at wendysloneker.com for a complimentary consultation.
These are the knots grief and loss can tie us up in. Grief Coach Wendy Sloneker is ready to help you get unknotted. You can make a shift in how you think about every piece of progress you make, even if the progress is as small as brushing your teeth today.
You are Invited
Give yourself the time to listen and steep in the self-care, then visit Wendy at wendysloneker.com for a complimentary consultation.
As seen on: |
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Full Episode Transcript
Wendy Sloneker
You're listening to the heart healing from loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is Episode 41, y'all Hello.
Hi, I'm so glad you're here, right here with me. And I wanted to talk a little bit about one a couple things that have been going on in my life that I've observed, but also, the premise of having more support and not less, for all holiday seasons to come.
What, for some of you, that may sound really scary, or like a commitment. And for others of you, that may sound interesting, curious, tell me more. This for whoever this is, for each of you, all of you, any of you more support and not less for all holidays to come involves potentially just learning some new skills and tips, having support during a notoriously heavy and busy time of year.
For some of you, this is going to be the first year without a loved one. For some of you, this is going to be a year that has been, it couldn't be more different than any other year you've experienced. It may be divorce, you maybe have moved, you may be estranged from some of your family. Your family may be estranged from you, it could be any number of changes that have gone on making this coming holiday season. New and different and potentially scary, or you may be feeling some dread anticipation about it, about moving through it.
So what if you were able to learn skills and practice them live? Like during the actual holiday season? We're about to move through? And potentially enjoy? We'll leave room for that for sure. What if you were able to do that with a little bit more support and not less? Oh, and then feel like would that give you any relief? Being in a room of people who have understood and you know, are not going to give you advice that you are not asking for not going to judge you and have all agreed to work with the premise of confidentiality, and working with honesty and the understanding that each and every loss. Each and every life event is unique and individual. To each person, no one is going to know how you feel. But as a group, we're interested in how you feel.
Would that be like for you to walk through a holiday season and being able to prepare for it in a new way? To move through it in a new way? And then to debrief about it and release it? Intentionally and actually and practically release it in a new way? What would that be like for you?
I can tell that I am starting to have some new experiences just based on what is changing and the losses I'm experiencing in my life right now. So we've Excuse Excuse me. So before I tell you more about the group that I'm opening up later on in October, I kind of want to just let you know, here are some of the things that are happening in my life. Just so you know that you're not alone. And that, then it's okay just where we are because every life experience, every loss that we're going through every change is unique and individual. We have never been here before. And it seems like lately there's just been multiple things going on for me. So allow me to share.
Early this week, I had a really unexpected loss of somebody who's known me longer than I've been alive. And that is my Uncle Mike. My uncle Mike. He ended up passing away in his sleep, we believe. And he was recovering from an operation a surgery on his kidney to remove cancer. He was recovering in a place where he was loved and supported and cared for. And, and he died.
This is something that still just kind of doesn't make sense that he's not in the world anymore. Not on the planet anymore. It's kind of surreal. I loved him, I didn't have anything that was unsaid that I felt like I needed to say while he was alive, he knew I loved him. And he's just not here, anymore, this big change, I think, for my parents who've known him for a long, long time. And, you know, this impacts them as well.
So it also impacts me. And it is a change to just sort of come to understand, right? You know, we can't, here's the thing, too. We, we always have a lot going on. So no, it's not like, Oh, this is a great time for this to happen. It's so very convenient. And it's right on time. And it just plays beautifully into flow of life. No, this is one of many things that are going on.
The other thing that happened and completed today was I let go of a studio that I had, I've been renting for, oh, gosh, I think it must have been about a year. And I've shared this before, I think in a video. But for those of you who are new Hello, here's what happened. I took this studio with every intention of you know, seeing clients there, and having art studio work done there and loads and loads of things. And it just, I didn't, I didn't work it out the way that needed to be worked out.
And I'm not taking any shame for that. I'm not shaming myself for them. Because there were some real issues around the Wi-Fi that, really, I'm not taking clients where there's not reliable technology or electricity, right. I'm just not going to do it. So there were things about the, the on the apartment, the studio that just were not ideal. And there were parts of me that just never really moved in.
Now, when I want to share it, this may not be your experience, but some of the feelings could be similar to what you've experienced yourself and other relationships. My situation here happens to be with a space that I never really feel like I moved in. I've also had relationships where I feel like I've never really moved into that relationship, never really committed to that relationship. It doesn't have to be romantic. It can also be a friendship, I've had those experiences as well.
When we, when we are the ones who are walking away from a space or relationship, or the hopes, dreams and expectations we had for that space or relationship. There are still feelings to be processed. One of the big losses that happens is when people move out of the home where they raise their children. This is really a challenging thing because there was so much life that happened inside that home at a different time. So it's hard to let go of that. And that's also you know, it's a very sweet thing. It's a very safe place.
And making a choice to move out or walk out or cancel your lease or let your person know that it's over for you these are hard and challenging things and so you're not alone. This is this is so so far my week.
Last thing I want to share is I got a couple of vaccinations. One is the first vaccine for shingles. And the second one is my COVID booster shot. Now, I did get two in each in a separate arm. And I really pushed myself the day after I was feeling fine. I didn't have any sort of fluish simple symptoms, nothing like that. But I pushed me a little bit too hard. Maybe it did a couple of things extra physically, because I'm trying to move out of that office, which I did.
But it was, it was too much. And my body was letting me know last night that Hey, Sloneker, you're down, you're out. Just knock it off. So I ended up having some really wretched flu like symptoms and body aches and things like that, and it just wasn't feeling well.
So here's what I want to share. Because it's been a hell of a week is if, if you're going through multiple changes or experiencing lots in your life right now. If you add on the physically ill factor or perhaps you have a chronic condition or something like that our brains really can start talking to us that time when we're not feeling well. And so here's, here's what I tend to not do when I'm not feeling physically well. And my brain starts talking to me like a big, big jerk.
I promised myself that I'm not going to make any big decisions from that space. And that's about it. See, what else what do I need? What does my body need? Lots of fluids. Great. You need some bone broth. Great. You need some Tylenol? Taken it? How about some more rest? 630 I was out like a light. Because that's what I needed. That was last night.
It's only Thursday. This has been a hell of a week already. Yeah, I created a lot of space and walking away from that studio. There's a lot of, just not understanding that Uncle Mike's not on the planet right now. And it was really depleted from, you know, having a doctor's appointment and getting those vaccines.
So it’s a lot. I haven't even told you all the stuff else that's going on. But it's you know, you get the point. So what I offer is this. Hey, you're in good company. Just for today. How about we just do today? And what would it be like for you to go through the upcoming holiday season with a little bit more support and not less? That can look like joining my group, which is based on the baker's dozen, it is Holiday Heart Healing 13 people for 13 weeks, we start at the end of October, October 26.
I would love to hop on a call with you and talk a little bit about it and into specifics of why this holiday, what's going on. How can we get you some more support and not less for this season, but all seasons to come because once you have these skills and tools, you've got them for good? The rest is just practice.
Now you don't have to join the group. You could also just keep tending to this podcast, checking out more social media, finding out more about processing feelings. One thing that I can tell you that we will be working with directly and specifically is how to process feelings inside of that 13 week group.
Another really big emotion that I'm going to be discussing and teaching about is guilt. Oh yes, I am. Because I really needed to change my relationship with the feeling and emotion of guilt. They needed to process a lot of it and learn how to not pick it up. Yep, that's what's coming up and cooking in this new group that starts October 26. We're going for 13 weeks, all the way through New Years and into January until the 18th of 2023.
If this sounds useful to you, I would love to chat with you on a connection call that is super free and casual. And, frankly, fun. If this feels fun to you, please connect with me sooner than later through my website. And thanks again for listening right here, right now to this episode.
Okay, all we'll talk to you next time until then, take sweet care. And I'm thinking of you. Yep. Yes, I am. Okay, bye.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me. For you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this? Yeah, for real, and I do it.
Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute free call. I'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together. If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel a little bit better. And to find out how to repeat these, how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you.
Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up. Heck yeah, we will. All right. Till then take really good. Bye bye
You're listening to the heart healing from loss podcast with Wendy Sloneker. This is Episode 41, y'all Hello.
Hi, I'm so glad you're here, right here with me. And I wanted to talk a little bit about one a couple things that have been going on in my life that I've observed, but also, the premise of having more support and not less, for all holiday seasons to come.
What, for some of you, that may sound really scary, or like a commitment. And for others of you, that may sound interesting, curious, tell me more. This for whoever this is, for each of you, all of you, any of you more support and not less for all holidays to come involves potentially just learning some new skills and tips, having support during a notoriously heavy and busy time of year.
For some of you, this is going to be the first year without a loved one. For some of you, this is going to be a year that has been, it couldn't be more different than any other year you've experienced. It may be divorce, you maybe have moved, you may be estranged from some of your family. Your family may be estranged from you, it could be any number of changes that have gone on making this coming holiday season. New and different and potentially scary, or you may be feeling some dread anticipation about it, about moving through it.
So what if you were able to learn skills and practice them live? Like during the actual holiday season? We're about to move through? And potentially enjoy? We'll leave room for that for sure. What if you were able to do that with a little bit more support and not less? Oh, and then feel like would that give you any relief? Being in a room of people who have understood and you know, are not going to give you advice that you are not asking for not going to judge you and have all agreed to work with the premise of confidentiality, and working with honesty and the understanding that each and every loss. Each and every life event is unique and individual. To each person, no one is going to know how you feel. But as a group, we're interested in how you feel.
Would that be like for you to walk through a holiday season and being able to prepare for it in a new way? To move through it in a new way? And then to debrief about it and release it? Intentionally and actually and practically release it in a new way? What would that be like for you?
I can tell that I am starting to have some new experiences just based on what is changing and the losses I'm experiencing in my life right now. So we've Excuse Excuse me. So before I tell you more about the group that I'm opening up later on in October, I kind of want to just let you know, here are some of the things that are happening in my life. Just so you know that you're not alone. And that, then it's okay just where we are because every life experience, every loss that we're going through every change is unique and individual. We have never been here before. And it seems like lately there's just been multiple things going on for me. So allow me to share.
Early this week, I had a really unexpected loss of somebody who's known me longer than I've been alive. And that is my Uncle Mike. My uncle Mike. He ended up passing away in his sleep, we believe. And he was recovering from an operation a surgery on his kidney to remove cancer. He was recovering in a place where he was loved and supported and cared for. And, and he died.
This is something that still just kind of doesn't make sense that he's not in the world anymore. Not on the planet anymore. It's kind of surreal. I loved him, I didn't have anything that was unsaid that I felt like I needed to say while he was alive, he knew I loved him. And he's just not here, anymore, this big change, I think, for my parents who've known him for a long, long time. And, you know, this impacts them as well.
So it also impacts me. And it is a change to just sort of come to understand, right? You know, we can't, here's the thing, too. We, we always have a lot going on. So no, it's not like, Oh, this is a great time for this to happen. It's so very convenient. And it's right on time. And it just plays beautifully into flow of life. No, this is one of many things that are going on.
The other thing that happened and completed today was I let go of a studio that I had, I've been renting for, oh, gosh, I think it must have been about a year. And I've shared this before, I think in a video. But for those of you who are new Hello, here's what happened. I took this studio with every intention of you know, seeing clients there, and having art studio work done there and loads and loads of things. And it just, I didn't, I didn't work it out the way that needed to be worked out.
And I'm not taking any shame for that. I'm not shaming myself for them. Because there were some real issues around the Wi-Fi that, really, I'm not taking clients where there's not reliable technology or electricity, right. I'm just not going to do it. So there were things about the, the on the apartment, the studio that just were not ideal. And there were parts of me that just never really moved in.
Now, when I want to share it, this may not be your experience, but some of the feelings could be similar to what you've experienced yourself and other relationships. My situation here happens to be with a space that I never really feel like I moved in. I've also had relationships where I feel like I've never really moved into that relationship, never really committed to that relationship. It doesn't have to be romantic. It can also be a friendship, I've had those experiences as well.
When we, when we are the ones who are walking away from a space or relationship, or the hopes, dreams and expectations we had for that space or relationship. There are still feelings to be processed. One of the big losses that happens is when people move out of the home where they raise their children. This is really a challenging thing because there was so much life that happened inside that home at a different time. So it's hard to let go of that. And that's also you know, it's a very sweet thing. It's a very safe place.
And making a choice to move out or walk out or cancel your lease or let your person know that it's over for you these are hard and challenging things and so you're not alone. This is this is so so far my week.
Last thing I want to share is I got a couple of vaccinations. One is the first vaccine for shingles. And the second one is my COVID booster shot. Now, I did get two in each in a separate arm. And I really pushed myself the day after I was feeling fine. I didn't have any sort of fluish simple symptoms, nothing like that. But I pushed me a little bit too hard. Maybe it did a couple of things extra physically, because I'm trying to move out of that office, which I did.
But it was, it was too much. And my body was letting me know last night that Hey, Sloneker, you're down, you're out. Just knock it off. So I ended up having some really wretched flu like symptoms and body aches and things like that, and it just wasn't feeling well.
So here's what I want to share. Because it's been a hell of a week is if, if you're going through multiple changes or experiencing lots in your life right now. If you add on the physically ill factor or perhaps you have a chronic condition or something like that our brains really can start talking to us that time when we're not feeling well. And so here's, here's what I tend to not do when I'm not feeling physically well. And my brain starts talking to me like a big, big jerk.
I promised myself that I'm not going to make any big decisions from that space. And that's about it. See, what else what do I need? What does my body need? Lots of fluids. Great. You need some bone broth. Great. You need some Tylenol? Taken it? How about some more rest? 630 I was out like a light. Because that's what I needed. That was last night.
It's only Thursday. This has been a hell of a week already. Yeah, I created a lot of space and walking away from that studio. There's a lot of, just not understanding that Uncle Mike's not on the planet right now. And it was really depleted from, you know, having a doctor's appointment and getting those vaccines.
So it’s a lot. I haven't even told you all the stuff else that's going on. But it's you know, you get the point. So what I offer is this. Hey, you're in good company. Just for today. How about we just do today? And what would it be like for you to go through the upcoming holiday season with a little bit more support and not less? That can look like joining my group, which is based on the baker's dozen, it is Holiday Heart Healing 13 people for 13 weeks, we start at the end of October, October 26.
I would love to hop on a call with you and talk a little bit about it and into specifics of why this holiday, what's going on. How can we get you some more support and not less for this season, but all seasons to come because once you have these skills and tools, you've got them for good? The rest is just practice.
Now you don't have to join the group. You could also just keep tending to this podcast, checking out more social media, finding out more about processing feelings. One thing that I can tell you that we will be working with directly and specifically is how to process feelings inside of that 13 week group.
Another really big emotion that I'm going to be discussing and teaching about is guilt. Oh yes, I am. Because I really needed to change my relationship with the feeling and emotion of guilt. They needed to process a lot of it and learn how to not pick it up. Yep, that's what's coming up and cooking in this new group that starts October 26. We're going for 13 weeks, all the way through New Years and into January until the 18th of 2023.
If this sounds useful to you, I would love to chat with you on a connection call that is super free and casual. And, frankly, fun. If this feels fun to you, please connect with me sooner than later through my website. And thanks again for listening right here, right now to this episode.
Okay, all we'll talk to you next time until then, take sweet care. And I'm thinking of you. Yep. Yes, I am. Okay, bye.
Hi, this is Wendy, thank you so much for being here and spending time with me. For you. Yeah, the whole purpose of walking through grief and loss is to find out how to feel better. Did you know there are tools and skills to be learned about how to do this? Yeah, for real, and I do it.
Let's get on a connection call. It's a 45 minute free call. I'd love to offer to you when you're ready. And we'll just see if we'd be a good fit to work together. If you're ready for a little more support, and not less, and if you're ready to feel a little bit better. And to find out how to repeat these, how to learn these tools and skills. I'm ready for you.
Reach out through my website. Connect with me directly through [email protected] and we'll set it up. Heck yeah, we will. All right. Till then take really good. Bye bye
