Transcript from Podcast Episode 5 with Nikole Stansfield
Wendy Sloneker, Advanced Grief Recovery Specialist®
Hi there, Wendy Sloneker from Heart Healing from Loss. I'd like to introduce a friend of mine who is just about ready to take her first step into Session One of the Grief Recovery Method® with me… It’s Nikole Stanfield.
Nikole Stanfield, getting ready to learn - and work - the Grief Recovery Method®
Hey, Wendy. I'm really excited to get started.
I think that it was really important for me to realize that I didn't have to have a death happen really recently in order for me to get value out of what you're doing.
There's a part of it that I don't a hundred percent know exactly what we're going to be doing.
I know we'll be walking through that.
I think it was really cool that you said that there are lots of different types of loss and grief that we can experience from losing a job, or a client, or a relationship. Even if that person's still alive.
As we were talking about, I lost a friendship a couple of years ago and I was releasing some items (possessions) recently that brought up that friendship. So, I still have some unresolved grief. I don't know. I'm sure (this work will) give me the right tools to deal with it.
I also wanted to share what I'm looking to get out of the program.
An opportunity to learn some tools. Because grief will happen again.
I have some older people in my life that I care about a lot and when they pass that will be hard. I have small dogs in my life. Grief is a part of life. So having those tools (will be) super helpful in my toolkit, and also being able to process some of those things that I might still be holding on to so that I can move forward.
I don't have all the words to describe it, but I feel like this is an opportunity to really identify and shed some emotional weight that I might be carrying around that I might not know about and be able to process it so that I can take that next step, whatever that is on top of just the stress of 2020 and everything being crazy right now and processing that, right?
So, some tools for releasing some emotional….I don't want to use “baggage”... but things I'm carrying around. As well as some prompting to release some physical (tangible) stuff in my life so that I can make room for whatever that next step is.
So that's what I'm looking to get out of it.
Where I'm at right now is...
I feel a little torn between where I'm currently at, what I'm doing, that's successful and is bringing in money, uh, in my life and where I want to be, where I want to go, what that next path is that I want to step into.
And right now it feels a little stressful, a little overwhelming with the choices that we've currently made. So how this all relates to grief, I have no idea, but I know that by the time that I'm done, I will have some insights that are like, “Oh wow. I was carrying that around my grandma passing three years ago. And now I've released something about that.”
That helps me take that next step to saying what I want to do next and not be in the holding pattern that I kind of feel like I am right now.
Thank you for sharing that with me and with, with everyone watching this video. Thank you very much for being willing to just share what it is you're looking for.
Could I ask a question or two just to further clarify. Thank you. So I'm wondering if you'd be open to, you had mentioned identifying something that you would release.
I'm wondering if you're open to feeling lighter around that, like more spacious or having more capacity inside in order to make those choices about where it is that you want to go in your next step.
Um, are you asking for my feedback or are you going to lead me through something? Just want to clarify?
Yeah. I'm just wondering if lightness is part of what you're looking for in like a feeling of lighter. Because if you're talking about carrying around to me, that feels a little heavy, heavier, maybe it's just, I mean, there are things that I just discovered that I'm carrying around that I had no idea I was still carrying it around. So I'm like, “Oh, I know what to do with that. I'm going to take these steps for them.”
So yes, I have a tendency to hold on to things because I'm worried that I might need them. And, um, I'm working, I've done the KonMari method before and then working through it again. And there are things of value that if I don't have a good place for them to go, it's really hard for me to release them.
And I recently had a laptop that I had that I was working on when I burned out in 2018 and had a lot of emotional turmoil and lost some relationships and a lot of ups and downs. And I hadn't released it for two years and I've turned it on maybe twice in that time. So, but still holding onto it out of a fear of, I might need it.
And I recently released it. And the initial feeling that I felt was just like, exhaustion of just like, “Oh, I let it go.”
And this past week I've lived without it. And I have not been upset about letting it go or wanted it back or anything like that. It feels great to just be like, “Oh, I'm so glad that's gone.”
So definitely I feel like I have some more to release before I can really be like, I am so like, this is awesome. Um, there's definitely some things that other things I'm holding onto and I'm continuing to try to process those things. So having some more tools to do some emotional work, I think can only be beneficial for me.
And then I just have one other question and that is regarding the timing we are currently at the time of this video. You're taking this step and looking into new tools around grief and emotional work before the new year.
Now, could you talk a little bit about that just in terms of some people really enjoy waiting for a new fresh start.
And this is definitely an action step that is taking place in the late days of a year. Um, a pretty big year called 2020 would be. Would you mind talking about like, Hey, why? You know, one curious question is why aren't you waiting? And another is just like, tell me more about your timing.
Um, in regards to timing, I think my, my best answer is that it feels right.
That's kind of like a “whew” answer. I get that.
So a little bit more clarity around that is that I've gone through this year and started off the year of, “Oh, I'm going to take this business that I have, and, and it's gonna, I'm going to make it happen this year.”
And then 2020 happened and everything just sort of fell apart. And then getting to a point this year where I was like, “I'm not going to focus on that.”
And then realizing, well, asking... what do I want to focus on? And as I'm ending the year, it gives me an opportunity to say, maybe there's something that I'm holding on to that is holding you back.
That isn't setting me up to take this next step because I'm taking too much time to look behind me. Unconsciously, maybe consciously, I don't know, but I know that in the past, when I've done work like this, um, whether it's personal development work, that's kind of how I view it.
It's focused on grief, but I see it as personal development work and it can only help me.
And I've uncovered a lot of things when I've done stuff in the past in regards to the new year, why am I not waiting?
I don't really make resolutions. Maybe I make one thing that I want to focus on in the year and in, after like on new year's day, it's like, Oh, yay. It's a new year. That's really cool. But I don't feel like it's a, Oh, I failed because I didn't make all my goals last year. I use more as a reflection of what happened last year.
What am I looking towards this year? And it's more, um, focused inwardly. I do have some goals that I've written down and that I've accomplished this year and that's really awesome physical goals and financial goals. And, and those things are great.
But it just seems like a timeline of reflection than necessarily I need to lay out my first quarter financial goals and the things that I will accomplish by this time, because quite frankly, most of us forget them. Or, don't do them. And aren't as motivated a month later.
So why put all that pressure on myself and in the end, it's something that we've put meaning and time around?
It doesn't really mean anything. Things are going to go forward, whether I'm I'm not making resolutions or I am making resolutions. So it's feels like this is a great time of the year to reflect, get new skills and empower myself to take that next step.
Nikole, thank you.
It’s kind of a long winded answer…
It's kind of awesome.
Yeah. It's a new perspective… and I don't know that everyone has that. There are probably some people who definitely have that, who will feel kind of... aligned, right?
And this may give other folks some more to work with similar to just having more tools.
So thank you for leading this conversation around what is right for you, and what feels right for you, in terms of taking this next step around releasing and moving beyond the pain of loss.
I'm excited. It's going to be good.
Yay! Thanks, Nikole!